My 8 month old is miserable - and so am I!

[mardarse]

DS is 8 months old and nothing seems to make him happy. He spends a large part of the day shouting and whinging. He whinges because he's hungry (fair enough), tired (okay), when he goes in his high chair, when he goes in his pushchair, when he sits on the floor, when he plays with his toys. You get the picture, he whinges. I have no idea if it's a development thing, if he's teething, if he's frustrated, if his cold is making him more miserable than usual. It's wierd because if we go anywhere he is all smiles and everyone comments how smiley and happy he is.

I try to make sure we go out and about so he's not "bored" in the house, I sit on the floor and play but sometimes I need to you know, go to the loo, make food and this is when he ramps up the noise. It's really getting to me now, the constant noise, the fact that I can't seem to make my little boy happy.

I have tried repeating the "this phase shall pass" mantra but will it? And how the hell will I manage until then? Is this normal? It's sounds ridiculous, people have far worse things to deal with but it's really getting me down and each day feels like a chore.

Its really intense being at home with a baby all this time, so don't beat yourself up about getting wound up!

It sounds like your DS expresses himself through the medium of displeasure. A lot of babies do that. It's not like they have an extensive vocabulary to tell you that they are annoyed/unhappy/worried. They also form a powerful attachment to their primary carer (you) and don,t like to have you out of their sight for long.
My DD at that age was similar and craved excitement. Basically the more sensory stimulation I could supply the happier she was. They just absorb language and information like little sponges and want to be interacted with. By as many people as possible. Extended families are perfect for that. Or going out or baby bounce and rhyme, creche at a local . And don't take it to heart, he's only a baby. And its hard to be the Center of the Universe.

It's ok, it's ok! Eight months is a terrible time - they want to move around properly but they can't, they want to eat properly but they can't, they want to communicate properly but they can't! He's going mad with frustration and expressing it in the only way he knows how. Nine months and onwards, when he can crawl, solids have kicked in and he's started to vocalise sounds other than whinges = much better! Don't worry, it really will pass!

I could have written your post! My son is 8 months as well and, just as you describe, smiley and adorable when we're out and about but screams the place down if I'm playing with him and then get up to - horror of horrors! - answer the phone or go to the loo. How dare I have anything else to do other than play with him!!!

It is driving me a bit nuts too, especially as we have no extended family nearby so if I don't get out to a play group or meet up with fellow parents and babies, he has no-one to interact with him. People are great when I'm out and about though. Today I had to wait for half an hour at a boring government office to take care of some red tape and some of the women sitting near me were smiling at him and talking to him and he loved it. It kept him occupied.

That's all he wants at the moment is lots and lots and lots of attention but being the sole carer makes that really hard. I'm shattered trying to keep him entertained. Sometimes I have to admit I just let the whining wash over me because I figure that if he's fed, rested, clean and has toys near him, there's no reason to worry and he's just fussing for the sake of it.

I just can't wait until he's 1+ and able to toddle about and get his own toys etc so he's no so frustrated but friends who have babies that age say it's just more work as you have to watch them more carefully. I don't know... anything is better than endless whining and frustration!

This can be a hard stage if they are wanting to get around plus possibly teething.

You can often feel a tooth bumping up under the gum before you can see it. Try painkillers and teething stuff like the granules, frozen or chilled smoothie / fruit.

Plenty of tummy time with bare knees to give them a chance to crawl.

Try making a treasure basket - basically stuff from round your house with different textures, smells, shapes they can safely mouth and fiddle with.

Plenty of walks were you point out all the houses you and everyone you know have lived in, what people do all day, any plants and animals you see, blah blah blah. Leave spaces for them to 'talk' back. Copy any little noises and babbles they do.

Bath time is not just for washing but water play in an enclosed space. Ds loves filling and emptying a plastic bottle, he's older but you can start them off.

I remember it well , I positioned dd chair in the bahtroom and hung things off the towel rail ( child friendly bouncy string things)- whilst I cleaned, showered etc Sat her next to a cupboard in the kitchen and she could reach the plastic tat and pull it out - then when she started crawling she went to it atomatically !
IMO your ds is frustrated and wants your attention . WHen I was doing 'me things' I tended to sing including her name at regular intervals ...peeopo etc ,
It will pass...honest !!!

I found a sit in activity centre a lifesaver with all of mine (youngest is now 9m so I feel your pain!) as they're upright and can see and you can 'chat' to them while you cook/clean etc and they can play with toys.
And subsequent children are easier because they're entertained by the older siblings, so you'll not go through this in quite the same way again next time (sorry if talk of more babies freaks you out!!)

Sounds exactly like my DS a month or two ago. I kept thinking he must be teething but turns out he was just frustrated because he wanted to move as someone earlier said. I had become really worried he was just a grumpy kid.

He is 9 months now and can crawl and cruise and is one of the happiest babies going. It really DOES pass. I promise.

Just adding my voice to the me too's! DS was 9 months last week, is desperately trying to crawl and can kind of drag himself along the floor, but I can tell how frustrated he is at trying, he is trying to pull himself up too, which he also can't mange properly and of course this is annoying him also! He used to be such a happy baby who really hardly ever cried, but he whinges for England at the moment. I am reasonably confident that once he can move himself about properly he will be a bit happier again please god

Have you tried taking him to an chiropractor or cranial osteopath? I know several people whose grumpy babies have really been helped and 2 who have been transformed. Maybe he has a low level pain bugging him which he can be distracted from but he starts thinking about when there's nothing else to occupy him.

Just bear in mind that some babies and children are by nature more miserable and whingy than others, so it's almost certainly nothing you are doing wrong.

My DC1 was the most miserable baby and child, nothing I ever did seemed to please him, I got very depressed as a result and never enjoyed him.

DC2 was 'average' and DC3 was the happiest baby alive.

Your DS certainly sounds like mine was, I remember how frustrated I used to feel and how I used to look at other mothers with kids the same age and wonder what they were doing differently.

15 years later and the benefit of hindsight I know it wasn't me. Some kids are harder than others.

Good luck.

Yep. Sounds like one of my twins. For the last two or three weeks her waking mode is moany crying and whinging when she used to be so chilled and happy. Every now and then she stops but it takes a lot of effort on my part, and she is smiley when we are out and about. I do think it's frustration and boredom though. As soon as she's off crawling I think it will change. Try not to fall into the trap of thinking it's your fault or something you aren't doing. I did think that for a while but shook it off pretty quickly. It's a phase. You don't have to entertain them 100% of the time. They need some time to kick about by themselves as well. I reckon it will be easier when the weather finally clears up as a bit of outside time rolling around on the grass might cheer her up. I don't know what to tell you about coping with it though. I chuck CBeebies on or some of my own music and dance around the house with her. Probably not the best parenting using the telly but it can distract her sometimes. I also drink wine the second they fall asleep at night.

Mine was exactly like this at 8 months, for pretty much the whole month, she is now just 9 months but seems to be getting a little better. She is still very clingy but much more so when she starts to get tired. Now she is climbing everything it's now me clinging to her just as much trying to stop her falling! She doesn't seem so frustrated and can entertain herself a little better. I don't think there is anything you can do about it, just make sure you provide opportunities to sleep and go with it. It will get easier.

You could try cuddling him when he starts whinging, and letting him "whinge it out", so to speak, in your arms. Whining, crying and later, tantruming, are children's and babies' way of expressing their emotions, and by letting them know that in our company it is ok to be miserable (as well as happy), we will give them the safety they need to get through their emotions. He is probably more likely to stop whining if you instantly give him a hug and hold him when he starts the whine. He'll either cry (which is great as tears are there to get frustrations out of our system) or get bored of being on your shoulder, eventually. If you want to approach him now and in the future in a way that reduces such whines, and grows them into a bond between you two, i suggest you look at Aletha Solter's book "The aware baby".

Thanks for the tips and shared experience and sorry I have not been back before now to say thank you. You have all made me feel sooooo much better. DD was the happiest baby ever so it is a bit of a shock to have such a misery guts when we are at home.

CAppuccino DD certainly entertains him when she is he but the 2 days that she does at pre-school are loooong days! I'm on the look out for a second hand activity centre as I think this could really help. Thanks for the idea.

Auburn, he did a few sessions with a craniel osteopath when he was tiny. I think he's just generally miserable. Having said that, the last few days I have noticed he's been chirpier and he has learnt two new tricks - waving and clapping, so I wonder if it was a developmental thing. Who knows? Am hoping when he crawls he'll be happier again.

Thanks for all of your advice and support, it's made me feel so much more positive knowing that others have been there and survived!