Toilet training taking a reeeally long time

[itsababslife]

Has anyone got any suggestions?

DD is 3.4 and has been out of nappies now for about a year and a half. It's been a long process but she did go through a phase of about 3 months at the end of last year, when she was completely dry and clean, even through the night. She then started wetting the bed regularly and so we switched back to pull ups at night time.

Until recently she's not been particularly good at telling us she needs to go, and relied on us chivvying her to the bathroom. lately at home she's started to tell us but is still really inconsistent...sometimes she's really proud and will go "all by herself" but sometimes she refuses to go until press ganged up the stairs, and very very occasionally she'll poo in her knickers, but i can't work out if this is deliberate or not. She is a bit of a daydream, and the odd accident she has at home tends to be when she's absorbed in a game.

We're trying not to make an issue of it, but my main worry is that she almost daily poos in her knickers at nursery, and the staff seem to be getting quite exasperated with it. Apparently she's the only one who has regular accidents like this, and their frustration is apparent when they tell me about it...I do wonder if she's picking up on that. She has got the idea from somewhere that it's naughty...but I get the impression that she's ashamed of doing it, rather than doing it to be deliberately naughty.

We've tried reward charts, which work temporarily, and nursery tell me they're encouraging her to go every 20mins (which is probably just irritating her!), now they're suggesting I talk to a health visitor.

I guess what I'd like to know is, is this normal behaviour for a 3 year old? Is it attention seeking? What experiences has anyone else had and have you got any advice about what else can I try? Nursery's attitude is making me feel like there is something wrong with her :(

Blimey, this has been a bit long...Sorry

My ds only stopped doing poo accidents recently and he's nearly 3 and a half. Nursery didn't make a fuss about it although due to how things have worked out he is not going to be in preschool room until sept.
No advice we just kept praising when he was successful and not making too much of a fuss about the accidents.
Nursery didn't seem to think it is unusual? (though we knew he's a bit late)

I am having the same problem 4year old started potty training nearly a year and a half ago! Any solutions would be greatly appreciated!

It is probably not unusual. However, I would bypass the HV and see a sympathetic GP who has an interest in paeds to make sure there is no medical cause, eg constipation. Once you've excluded that you can work on her behaviour without having to worry.

I'm pretty sure she's not unusual either, I'm just a bit at the nursery staff's exasperation, I'd hate to think they're showing her they're frustrated. Judging by the amount she produces I can't imagine it's constipation, but I'll bear that in mind. The more I think about it, I think she gets distracted by the general hubbub of nursery...she's such a ditz I think she just forgets to pay attention to any sensations occurring down below.

Maybe I should just stop fretting

So glad I have seen this post as I have almost the identical problem although my daughter is just 3.2 months, but we have been training her on and off for over a year. I'm starting to wonder if it's attention seeking as it's worse when she's at home with me and my other two children who are also young. I don't think the approach of ignoring the accidents and praising the good is working for us either as she seems completely indifferent when she wets herself and even said today she likes it (aaargh!!) It's driving me mad having to endlessly wash pants and legging, sometimes 6/7 pairs a day. I'm interested if there's any advice too. I'm almost on the verge of putting her back in nappies again, but that seems like total regression when sometimes she can go almost a whole day at pre-school dry so I now she can do it. Help too!
P.S. It certainly doesn't help when her pre-school tells me how unusual it is in girls.

Our biggest success with poos in pants came when we seriously reduced DS1's fruit intake. The poos in pants were always really soft, the ones that made it into the toilet were more formed. Cutting back fruit had an effect in less than 2 days. It is unlikely that you are having the same problem, but just in case, I thought I'd post. He was a real fruit bat tho, and would eat and snack on fruit all day given a choice.

Lottie glad I'm not alone....are your two other children younger than your 3 year old and still in nappies? I can imagine a house with 3 small children in it being rather hectic, and you could be right...perhaps she isn't getting as much attention as she would like. It's not quite the same situation but my sister has girls of 3 and 1.8, plus 9 year old twins, a 12 year old and a 17 year old....it's usually bedlam at their house, so she's only just started to train her 3 year old, and I think her intention was always to try and do the 2 youngest together. I wouldn't set too much store by her saying she likes doing it though...at their age it's really difficult to get an accurate idea of what they really mean, and so difficult to probe information out of them without asking leading or closed questions.

When we've been successful at home, it was generally through using treats, either through verbally agreement with her i.e. if you stay clean today, you can have a treat later, what would you like that to be? or getting her involved in making a star chart - DD enjoys lettering and colouring, so she liked to watch me write "this is my brilliant star chart" (or similar) then colour it in, choose how many stars (or hearts, or smiley faces etc) to colour in when she'd been to the loo, and again agree a treat - it felt a bit like signing a contract, but it did work (plus its a bit of time just focused on her)!

next, DD doesn't eat a huge amount of fruit, but her poos are a much more formed consistency when she's at home. I did think the food at nursery might not be helping, but i'm never there at mealtimes so I don't know what it's actually like, but there's not really much I can do about it either.

I did find some helpful info from Elizabeth Pantley here www.supernanny.co.uk