Advice needed for 5 month old crying to sleep.

[TwoBedsAndACoffeeMachine]

DS2 is a pretty high maintenance whingy baby throughout the day. I suspect a lot of it is tiredness. He has 3 half hour naps and then goes to bed at 7pm. I have tried to extend his naps as I am sure he is overtired but nothing seems to work. Have tried feeding him back to sleep, dummy, rocking, cuddling, shushing, patting you name it. Anyway at night time he is shattered and as I give him his last feed he either falls asleep or pulls away half way through and cries whether I hold him or not. It seems he is just too tired. I lay him down and he cries, I hold him and rock him and he cries. It seems all I can do is leave him. He never cried for more than 2 minutes but I feel awful leaving him and it stresses me out making me feel guilty even though I have to get on with bathing Ds1 and putting him to bed. Any suggestions or is this just something he will grow out of? Also after half an hour of night time sleep he wakes up and lets out a few cries as if he's woke from a nap but can't get back to sleep but if I leave him he eventually settles after another 2 minutes and sleeps through til 6am. Am I being cruel to leave him? I can't think what he wants since nothing works whether I comfort him or not.

I came here to say I'd not leave a 5 month old to cry. But actually, if it really is only 2 minutes, I'd say he'd probably just worked himself up and needed to wind down.

Really? I just never ever left DS1 to cry and it makesme feel so guilty but it seems he actually can not get to sleep at night without crying whether I cuddle him or not. In fact holding him seems to frustrate him more. Is that normal? DS1 could always be rocked to sleep but DS2 hates it.

Well, I don't know. I don't know your baby. I have an 11 week old asleep in my bed and if he woke and whimpered for 2 minutes I wouldn't rush in. I know his cues though, I can tell when something's wrong. If he's crying and pulling off halfway through a feed could something you're eating be affecting him? Do you have a tea or a coffee beforehand maybe? I'm off dairy and caffine (Oh the humanity!) for ds's sake and he's a different baby because of it.

dd2 always seemed to need a bit of a cry down (5 minutes tops), whereas dd1 would work herself up into a funk if not tended to immediately. dd2 grew out of it by about a year i think.

I have been dairy free since he was 8 weeks old as he was so unsettled as a tiny baby. He doesn't seem to be crying in pain and screaming, more just sort of 'eh eh eh' noises if that makes sense?! It's genuinely for less than a minute sometimes and never more than 3 mins. I just don't know what it could be. Maybe he just doesn't want to be faffed about with but DS1 would always feed to sleep at night and be rocked in the day. DS2 just seems to get to a point where he is too tired to even eat. We co slept until 16 weeks then this started as it seems he alm,most doesn't want us there anymore and since we put him in his cot he has slept through.... maybe he just doesn't like us !

2 minutes is not, in my book, leaving your baby to cry, especially when he obviously wants to be left alone so he can get off to sleep!

The only thing you could try, if you really want to try something, is putting him to bed at 6.30? Might work if he likes his sleep.

Btw, dd1 was a non-cuddler, leave me the hell alone type so I can go to sleep (cringing even now at the memory of trying to feed her, rock her, etc, whilst she got more and more worked up as she just wanted me to bog off so she could sleep!). Dd2 was very cuddly, liked feeding to sleep etc. They're all different, tis normal.

Some children NEED to 'cry down'. Your DS seems to be one of them and you are a good mum who's recognised what your son needs. There's nothing wrong IMO with a few minutes of crying. My DD1 was the same and like flora's grew out of it by about a year old.

X posts - don't be daft, of course he likes you! Different babies just respond to stimulus and tiredness in different ways. Dd1 can't handle over-tiredness well, and is quite sensitive to her environment (can't 'switch off' easily), so dealing with cuddles etc as a baby, when she was tired, was too much for her. Dd2 takes it all in her stride mostly. They both think I'm the best mummy in the world though (ssshh don't tell them!), and dd1 is much more cuddly now she's older and can cope better.

Thank you. I haven't heard that some kids need to cry down but I suppose it makes sense. He's just so different to DS1 at night time but I know I shouldn't compare and actually they have both slept well even though their method of actually getting to sleep has been so different. I am just one of those mums that can not stand to hear my baby crying when I can't do anything about it. With Ds1 I could never leave him to cry because I knew I could always comfort him but with DS2 it's just not like that :-( Anyway, as long as noone is thinking I'm evil for leaving him then I shall continue. I was just hoping someone had some miracle way of getting him to sleep more kindly haha!

I was in exactly the same position with my dd2. I had never left dd1 to cry at all, but dd2 just didn't seem to want anything- wouldn't feed, wouldn't cuddle, and like you I found that if I just left her to it she would be asleep in a few minutes. It really bothered me because I would have been so shocked at the idea of doing this with dd1, but I couldn't think what else to do. She's now 3.8 and I have to hold her hand while she drops off to sleep, so it hasn't even paid off in terms of independence & self-settling in the long run!

Anyway, I think it's probably fine, and I'm buggered if I can think what else you're supposed to do for a baby who's tired and doesn't want you to do anything for them.

My dd is 12 weeks and over the past week has suddenly gone from wanting to be feed and rocked to sleep to screaming like a banshee if I hold her and just wanting to be put down. It took me a good week or so of evening melt downs to work out this is what she wants. The past couple of nights I have paid close attention to her cues and as soon as she gets tired and fussy I just lie her down before she gets to the crying stage, pop on her white noise music and give her nose a stroke (this is her thing, weird but she seems to like it) and hold her hand for a bit. Yesterday she flaked out in minutes with barely a whimper and tonight she is happily mumbling to herself on the sofa next to me (fingers crossed no melt down yet).

So perhaps just try putting him down a little earlier as soon as he shows tiredness cues and just be there to reassure him if needed.

There's a difference between crying up (getting more and more insistent and eventually really obviously distressed) and crying down - which is more like whingeing/ grumbling. The ehhh, ehhh sound you describe is a key tiredness cry - a sort of moaning, keening noise on one note, rather than sobbing.

2 minutes is nothing, it just feels like ages cos it's pulling at your heart strings/hormones! You're not cruel, you're teaching him the vital life skill of learning to self settle and go to sleep on his own.