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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

ANYONE HAVE TWIN BOYS/OR BOYS YEAR APART IN AGE?

15 replies

girlygirluk · 24/02/2006 19:17

I have two DS's who are exactly 12 months apart in age. They are great and have a really strong bond, but they are now nearing 3 and 2yrs and I find I am constantly sorting out their squabbles and rescuing youngest DS from underneath a pile up!

Day in day out I find it soooo draining! I'm sure there are tonnes of mums out there who can relate, so Im just looking for any useful tips!

It's mostly the older DS who is throwing his weight around as Big Bro, often grabbing toys when he doesnt even want them really, and sometimes the playful rough and tumble always ends up the youngest squeeling because he's stuck underneath the eldestDS! It's hard cause I always feel like Im often telling off the older DS, and IMO I think he's old enough to understand when DS1 is squeeling and not laughing anymore, then he should STOP! I get tired of rescuing the DS2.

Having said all this they are very close and they never/rarely hit or bite eachother, (touch wood for future phases!) its just the WWF style wrestling. How normal is this with brothers?! Am I fighting a losing battle to expect them to stop being physical with eachother?

Because of their age it feels like I have twins at times, but obviously I dont have the support from other twin mums to talk to! If anyone has boys close in age or twins can relate or have tips, please help!

Sometimes Im tempted to split them up, one plays downstairs, other plays upstairs, but am not sure if thats the answer?
BTW, they do have breathing space apart as well, while DS1 goes to pre school 3 morns and 2 pm's a week.

Looking for any chat from anyone who can relate or any tips!

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harrogatemum · 24/02/2006 19:36

girlygirl - I spend my whole life pulling my twin boys apart. They lie on top of each other, pull each others hair, hit each other over the head with whatever object they can find at hand and bite each other.They are 15 months. I wish i had some words of wisdom but all I do is try to separate them and if they are fighting over a specific toy remove it from both of them so there is no favouritism. Its hard isnt it!!

Kidstrack2 · 24/02/2006 20:02

my sister has 2 boys that are 11m apart, they are both the same age for all of 4weeks, she has her hands full still and they are nearly 6 and 7. She still pulls them apart at times but also gives them space to sort their own squabbles at times. However they are very close and still sleep in the same bed(they have bunk beds but only use one bed). She puts the youngest to bed half an hour before the elder one so that he is asleep before the other one goes to bed otherwise they wind each other up, she also gave them seperate rooms but as i said they ended up still in same bed, and the other room is now used as a play room. Sorry not much help from me

celtic66 · 24/02/2006 20:03

Girlygirl -sorry my 2yr old twin boys are the same, fighting over toys, who sits where at the dinner table. However the upside is when hug and are really nice to each other ....its really is rewarding

shimmy21 · 24/02/2006 20:10

My dss are 2 years apart but very similar behaviour. Constant wrestling, fighting,arguing and winding each other up but also very good friends and very close. Mine are older (7 and 9) but it has always been the same. I tend to 'punish' both boys for the fights because it's almost impossible to sort out who started what and who did what. Arguments - I send them off and say they have to find a way to sort it out which they both agree on together or I will 'sort it out' for them. Wrestling - I just let them get on with it if it' happy. Yours a bit too young at the moment but perhaps these are tips for the future that you're heading for!

Original poster

girlygirluk · 24/02/2006 20:28

Its good to know you all experience the wwf wrestling and winding eachother up...it's just so exhausting for us mums being the constant negotiator!

I like the idea of removing the toy that they argue over, will try that one. If my eldest(3yr) just snatches toys, do you think that warrants a 'time out' to prove the point or something else? Havent done it yet, but seems so unfair on youngest DS who is playing nicely with something and I get fed up with eldests snatching.

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Kelly1978 · 24/02/2006 20:37

I have two older children that are exactly 2 years apart (now 3 and 5) and twins who are now 11 months. Rather good isn't it, one cake and all that .
Seriously tho, I leave them to it. Both sets. Or all four if they all at it. If one is really upset I make the minimm intervention needed to stop the screaming. I figure they need to learn to get along between themsleves, and they do learn to sort it out between themselves too! It takes time, but it does get there.
They are actually nice to each other most of the time, the older two get on really well, the babes are still learning. dt2 keeps biting dt1 atm. They'll get over it tho.

MrsMuddle · 24/02/2006 20:56

GirlyGirl I have two DS, 14 months apart. I spent my life refereeing fights when they were small, but now they're 9&10 it's SO easy. They are completely different personalities, but play together and keep each other entertained. They enjoy the same films etc, so going out as a famiy is much easier than it would be if there was a greater age difference. They're off to cub & scout camp this weekend (the scouts are outside and it's VERY cold here!)and I know they'll look after each other. In retrospect, having them close together is great, but I remember that it was incredibly hard work at first.It will pass, though. Keep smiling!

EllaM · 24/02/2006 21:35

GirlyGirl - mine are 16 months apart (4 and 2)and are constantly fighting. They're a bit better if they've had a full morning of exercise but whatever, I just let them get on with it. But you're right, it's so exhausting. I remove toys where needed. If it gets REALLY bad I threaten them with their toys going in a bin bag and out for the bin lorry. I'm so mean

DS3 has just joined the family so I've got another one to join in the wrestling joy next year!

Original poster

girlygirluk · 24/02/2006 21:51

Wow Kelly1978, Im so intrigued, what sex children have you got? Are they ALL boys! You sound like its all undercontrol from your post, you sond quite a chilled person. Well done you, I cant imagine having four! Although I know I want more babies in the future, some of us are just glutons for punishment huh!!!

I will try the minimum intervention. Sometimes I feel like the youngest is making a lot of noice and fuss just because he knows i'll come rescue him!

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Original poster

girlygirluk · 24/02/2006 21:53

haha EllaM, Im going to def try the bin bag lorry trick! I think that might work with my boys

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TwoIfBySea · 24/02/2006 21:55

Sometimes I feel like the UN Peacekeeping Forces when dts (4) get into one. Although as soon as they do that is when the naughty corner gets used which works as the fight is usually about a toy which is also confiscated.

It almost seems that now and again there is a battle for supremacy and who gets to be boss between them. I've seen hitting and once biting for which dts1 was sent out into the hallway. I also try and reiterate all the time that "he is your brother" and not only that but twin brother so how much they have to look out for each other and be friends.

Then they fly at each other again! Really girlygirl, have you no grey hairs yet?

TwoIfBySea · 24/02/2006 21:56

Oh and I always make them say sorry to each other and give each other a big hug!

Kelly1978 · 24/02/2006 21:58

I have three boys and a a girl. My daughter is my eldest. I strongly recomend the minimm intervention method - it helps me keep my sanity.
If you keep running to them they do get wise to it, so it's best to save it for when it is really necessary, esp when there are lots of them! DS1 and dd1 are really close now, so I think it must have paid off. If they come running to me I jsut tell them I am not interested and they go sort it out. And they really do, they work out fairness between themselves and everyones happy, and I get to sit on mn. Good luck with it!

Calista · 24/02/2006 22:04

Yep, my 2 ds's (17 months apart) aged 2.6 and nearly 4 are constantly scrapping too! They never intentionally hurt each other but sometimes Ds1, who is big for his age anyway, can get a bit too rough sometimes. I let them sort it between themselves unless ds2 is really getting picked on, but it really does get to you being the 'referee' all the time! This week being half term has been particularly stressful, as ds1 usually goes to nursery class attached to the school he'll hopefully be attending in Sept. So they haven't had a break from each other.

I try to take them out somewhere every day so they can run round and burn off some energy, otherwise they are so hyper and it's much harder!

yumyummymummy · 13/03/2006 22:17

hallo

just happened to see this and i have two DS who are 13 months apart now 3 and a half and 2 and a half so i am about 6 months ahead of you. Yes, do I empathise with you and now where you are coming from. I do think the physical playing is a boy thing and even though i find myself constantly saying don;t hurt each other and even thou one of them, often but not always the youngest does get hurt - they still LOVE having a roll around the floor!
I have recently started to try and get my relatives or DH to help with taking one of them out for a 'special treat' and i get one to one time with the other and am finding this works really well. I also find the child with me is like a different personality without his brother.
If you'd like to chat some more that would be great....

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