4 y.o. who refuses to go to sleep - advice needed

[RobH]

Two good friends of mine have a 4 year-old daughter who refuses to go to sleep each night. She cries and screams because she doesn't want to be left alone in her room. This goes on for about 4 hours each night, and it's been happening for 6 weeks now. They also have a 2 year-old, and this behaviour is also disturbing her sleep patterns. Has anyone experienced this before, or do you have any advice about how to handle this situation? It's really starting to take its toll on the family. Thanks in advance for sharing your experience or advice. -Rob

Well Rob have yr friends sat her down and talked to her about it? I wouldn't dream of leaving my DCs screaming for hours on end. (dh hated going to bed he thought he was missing something; our eldest was like this so I used to sit with her and read stories and hold her until asleep) . 4 yrs old is not very old IMO they have a lot insecurities and need reassurance and love actually.

I think there's plenty of time for her to learn independence and all that stuff people say as justification for this. She needs comfort from her parents because she is unhappy and scared. Maybe when they first put her to bed she isn't tired yet? And then their reactions to her getting up again are probably making her unhappier. She really isn't being bad to annoy them, they shouldn't see it as her being awkward and needing to do what they say because they are in charge.

They could read these books, which aren't specifically about sleep, just parenting in general, which may give them a different outlook:

www.amazon.co.uk/Unconditional-Parenting-Moving-Rewards-Punishments/dp/0743487486/ref=cm_rdp_product

www.pinterandmartin.com/Kiss-Me

Perhaps they could try lying with her till she goes to sleep, or letting her sleep in their bed till she is more secure.

www.amazon.co.uk/Unconditional-Parenting-Moving-Rewards-Punishments/dp/0743487486/ref=cm_rdp_product

www.pinterandmartin.com/Kiss-Me

And as isthis says the more you 'force' independence the more unhappy and insecure (so less independent ) she will become.

Thanks for the advice.