Where have I gone wrong with him?

[emmatmg]

Our DS1 is a happy loving little boy(4.5yrs) who loves to play with his little bruv and adores his baby bruv too. He will sit kissing babe and play for hours with DS2. However when it comes to me and DH he has absolutley no respect( I know that a strong word to put on a 4 yr old) at all. Especially for me.
I can shout, scream, cry, ask nicely, and virtually plead with him and he still ingnores every thing I say until I'm literally screaming at him to get dressed or eat dinner or stop running etc etc etc the list is endless.
I have spoken to his teachers as I was concerned that the same thing maybe happening at school and they were amazed that I was talking about the same boy. He is helpful and kind and always listens to any instructions while at school, infact he was the first child in his class to get a merit certificate when they started in Sept and he often gets good work sticker. There seems to be some awful change in him in the 5 minute walk home from school.
So have any of you got any suggestions? I've tried star charts and always give him lots of praise for good behavior. We buy him bit's and bob's when he good and go out the fun places when DH is off work (if the DIY allows!!).
We have always been consistent with telling him off for things and praising him and no always means no and never changes. I can't even put it down to when DS3 arrived(11 weeks ago) as he's always been hard work.
We've had a particulary bad weekend and I'm sad that I was glad when it was time for school just so I can get a bit of peace....even with DS2+3 here it's still peace. I've been in tears and feeling pretty much broken by him all weekend and he has seen me crying and apologised yet less than 5 mintues later he's being told off again. I know how horrid this sounds but I am finding it increasingly difficult to be in the same room as him as nothing I do or say seems to get through to him so I'd rather not bother to got wound up in the first place.

I honestly do not know what else to try with him as I've tried all the things that are often suggested on here and where ever.

Sorry I think this has been more of a rant than a anything else but I'd very VERY grateful for any other suggestions for other mums who can control their kids, I obviously can't

scoobysnax

That is a good point. ds was often at his worst when he had failed to eat all his lunch and snack (ran out of time). He'd arrive home tired and hungry, a really volatile combination. We adapted his packed lunch to try to include higher energy foods although he tends to go off them after a while, but we try, especially when he has an after school activity, to give him a pasta or rice salad and extra fruit to keep him going. We also when he first started long, full days, asked his teacher to give him a second opportunity to finish his lunch, like a banana, in the quiet period after playing outside. It worked for a while and then around the age of 5 he naturally started to cope better.

Keeping fingers toes and everything else crossed but he's been alot better over the last few days. I think it's a compination of us both trying harder.
Dinnertime last night was quite a miracle. He was faffing about for about 25 minutes, by which time we had all fininshed and I said that he had 5 mintute to finish or it went in the bin, I showed him the clock and how far 5 minutes would be..............and he finished the rest of it in 4 minutes!!!!! we all cheered and clapped like he'd won a trophy
So keep them crossed for me, dreading the weekend after last week.

Read your last post and it made me smile, sounds like things are on the up for both you and your ds! Well done to him and to you for giving him the choice

Oh that sounds much better already - I really hope it lasts over the weekend and this is the start of a lasting improvement.

Well done