I think I've got it all wrong

[Magneto]

Regarding ds and 'friends'. He's 22 months and although it's not what I planned, he is going to be an only child for at least another year due to financial issues.

I don't have any friends and I'm ok with that, I have dh and my sister to talk to and I like being on my own anyway, but I've always been aware that ds needs to play with other children his own age.

I take him to the park, soft play, tumble tots and had our first baby ballet class today (not sure he's ready for that sort of structured class yet though) so that he can mingle with other children but they either all seem to have siblings and don't want to play with ds or they're older/too shy to play. He follows them around and tries to join in, he isn't in the least bit shy (don't know how that happened as I'm hardly the most outgoing person in the world).

He has never been to any sort of childcare as we can't afford it and we have been lucky that our work patterns mean one of us is always at home with ds. I took him to a prospective nursery as it looked like we would need to send him there for a little while and he loved it he loves playing with other children but I don't know anyone with kids he can play with.

Has anyone else been in this situation and how do I find him someone to play with? I feel like I've really failed him

I am like you a bit....I have two friends but nether had DC when I had mine.... I was worried that my anti-social tendancies would affect my DD1.

My DDs are now 7 and 4 and I can promise you that your son will make friends when he goes to school or preschool no matter HOW much you worry he will be who he is socially...either like you or not like you.

At 22 months he can't "make friends" yet...he's too young...so are others his age. They can play near each other but that's usually the extent of it.

Childcare isn't important at this stage...he's best off with you and going to playgroups once or twice a week. In a year he will get his free hours at nursery and you'll be happy with that I should think...go t playgroups but please don't' stress that you need to find him friends.

They come at nursery and school....when he begins school he will be asked on playdates and you can ask his friends to come to yours...that's what happens. IN the meantime just keep taking him here and there so he sees groups of kids and gets used to being among them...but he wont make friends just yet.

He's still at an age where having "friends" isn't really an issue but he's learning to socialise - so playgroup is a good option.

I knew I'd be leaving the UK before DS was 2, so I never really bothered with much in terms of socialising for him before we left (finally when he was 20mo) and then it took a few months in Australia to start thinking about it, finally managed it just before he turned 2 - and it was great.

You haven't failed your DS at all - he has plenty of time to get into the socialising and so on! just be a bit proactive with finding playgroups.

Thank you I think I just came over all funny when I saw him running around with the girls at baby ballet and absolutely loving it... Of course the sitting down and doing as he's told was a bit more difficult for him

Couldn't agree more with Houseonthecorner. Kids don't usually interact with each other properly until around 2.5. It's fabulous that he's following other children and interested in what they're doing but I would doubt he's looking to be included, just learning how it all works! It sounds like you're very active with him, you're certainly not failing hom. If there was the opportunity to do a playgroup too then that could be useful. He'll start preschool at around 3 I guess and then he'll make the arrangements for you if he's anything like my DD. She tells me who she wants to come over and then I sort that out with the Mummies. Sometimes it's the first words I've ever said to them ... "Hello I'm DD's Mummy, she'd like your little one to come over to play etc." :)

Magneto - re sitting down and doing as he's told, well DS never managed that terribly well until he was 3, so really don't worry about it!

I started him in Little Kickers football at 2.9, and he, along with many of the others, was a little bugger for not sitting still and listening. Suddenly at 3, he got better. At 3.2, I started him at dance classes (tap and jazz) - he was the only boy for much of the time, and it took most of the year to get him to watch and listen to the teacher, instead of looking at what all the girls around him were doing all the time (and to stop messing around as soon as someone else started). The girls were far better at concentrating, well most of them were anyway!

Now he's 4.6, he's much better at doing as he's told, not being distracted, sitting and listening when told to and following instruction - but it's taken this long! Don't get disheartened though, you have to keep it up so he gets used to it :)

Yes I have noticed it tends to be the girls that sit quietly, it's not as noticeable at tumble tots as the boy/girl mix is pretty much 50/50 and they are always a few running riot in the background but at babyballet ds was the only boy, all the little girls (even the one who was there for the first time like ds) sat nicely and mostly followed the instructions. Ds spent most of the time spinning in the centre of the circle and laughing like a maniac. Then he spun too vigorously and almost gave himself a concussion. It was like I'd chucked Dennis the Menace into the middle of a Royal Ballet performance for 2 year olds

Thank you everyone for reassuring me, I think I've just noticed that somehow ds us very outgoing and I want to encourage that and don't want him to miss out. It does make sense that he can't be 'friends' at this age (silly mummy )

What Little kickers like thumbwitch? I am sensing that ds might fit in slightly better there...

Have a look here www.littlekickers.co.uk/ to find one near you. Your DS is already old enough to go if you want! DS went straight into Junior kickers, so I don't know what the youngest class would be like, but there was a lot of play involved, not too much of the "training" in Junior kickers. When they move up into Mighty Kickers, it gets a bit more strict and more training, less play (and less tolerance of children mucking about as well) - but then they're that bit older by then and should be able to cope with it.

DS loves it, tbh - he went through a brief phase of not wanting to go and clinging to me when we went but he's completely over that (only lasted a few weeks) and really enjoys it. :)

I do Socatots with DS (2.1yo). It's very similar to Little Kickers but certainly in my area starts a little younger. DS's group is 18mths - 2.5yo so you can imagine the mayhem :)