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Original poster

Strange behaviour from 5 YO DS

13 replies

sparklejawsy · 16/06/2012 11:03

Last night I received a phone call from my ex husband who wanted to talk to me about my DS (5.9) behaviour with his 'step-son'.

Apparantly his fiancee walked in on the two boys who (both 5) and my DS was asking to kiss his willy. The other boy said no and that's when the Mum walked in on them. It sounds like my ex has gone mad at him which annoys me because I'm sure it's all very innocent on my DS's part but should I be concerned about this?
Where on earth could he have got the idea that you kiss other boys willies?!

OP posts:
TheHouseOnTheCorner · 16/06/2012 14:20

I don't know. Sad It's not usual behaviour though....an almost 6 year old should know about personal boundries and he must have heard or seen similar behaviour somehwere?

Is he ever near anyone who could have potentially done something wrong to him?

EmmaCate · 16/06/2012 14:41

I second House - try to speak to him to find out if someone has asked this of him or done it to him.

I know of a situation where this actually occurred and the (reception-aged) perpetrator was being abused. It's probably curiosity like you say but I'd probably just check in case.

GhouliaYelps · 16/06/2012 14:43

Oh no Sad sorry this has happened.

Would he have by chance seen anything on tv or Internet that has affected him?

Original poster
sparklejawsy · 16/06/2012 18:19

I've been wracking my brains to think if he could have been exposed to anything on tv etc but my partner and i are very careful about that sort of thing and his tv in his room is only set up for dvds and he only ever uses the pc when we are with him (other half panics it could get broken without supervision!). He spends 24 hours a week with his dad and his new family so i don't know what goes on then but i should think they are careful too. I'm desperate to speak to ds now but because of fathers day he's not back til tomorrow afternoon. I can only think that it has come from playground chatter as ds is a very confident, open and happy child. I work with young people and have been on countless child protection courses so know what to look for etc. I will feel better when i've sat down with ds and gently asked him about it. I can't think of anyone who would do something like that but i will ask him about it. My gut instinct tells me it's maybe come from children at school so will have to have a chat with the teacher. Was hoping someone else may have had experience saying something similar and it's just curiousity.
Thanks so much for your replies x

OP posts:
ballstoit · 16/06/2012 18:33

I'd be very cross that ex has 'gone mad' about this to DS. What was his explanation for doing so when he spoke to you? This isn't something to go mad about, it's something to talk about carefully, and I'd be questioning his reaction a little more.

How much do you know about ex's new partner? Have you had much to do with her DS? Am just wondering he (and you) assume this has been started by DS, when both boys were involved in the conversation and don't know how it started or who started it.

And, sorry to be harsh, but you seem to be very anxious to bounce this to school or TV. How long have you been with your DP?

Back2Two · 16/06/2012 18:40

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn due to privacy concerns

mrsbaffled · 16/06/2012 18:52

It's the sort of thing my DS would say to his brother. 100% innocent, and his brother would scoff at him and tell him not to be silly. Becuase that's what he's being - silly! He wouldn't expect him to do it, and only say it to get a reaction.....

TheHouseOnTheCorner · 16/06/2012 19:06

You need to work with ex to see if DS has had contact with anyone you don't know.

dangerousliaison · 16/06/2012 19:15

I think you need to consider what the maturity of the child is, if my dd a fairly mature and level headed child who has clear understanding of bounderies was to say this at this age, I would be thinking alarm bells should be going of. if my dn who has a good idea of personal bounderies, but will say anything silly that comes into his head for the sake of a good laugh, i will think he was just being silly and needed nothing more than a reminder. if my dds friend who does talk alot about willies and boobies said this I would give her a firmer telling as this kind of talk is pretty regualr and would esculate into more silly willy and boobies talk.

Either way i would be a bit Confused at an adult going mad a child for it under any circumstances. 5 and 6 is a difficult age to judge this as matuirity and understanding is so variable at this age.

I would also be a bit worried as to why your ds has born the brunt of the telling off and concern as no one actually witnessed how this conversation began, the other boy may have had eaqual or more contribution to this.

the only way you can get to the bottom of this ask your son about it ion a non matter of fact way. ie, "so what happened at daddys when you asked x to kiss to kiss his willy? "has anyone else ever asked you this before"? where as im sure the conversation will be that both me and x where doing this and no one has ever said this to me before. then just tell him "its silly and not to be playing like this again as its not nice and no one should be kissing or asking to kiss willies and if they do you must tell mummy"

I would give the right message and ask the right questions but I would not over react OP.

dangerousliaison · 16/06/2012 19:18

not a non matter of fact way that should be a very matter of fact way.

Original poster
sparklejawsy · 16/06/2012 19:30

My partner and i have been together for several years, he has a fantastic relationship with ds and i've known him 10 plus years and trust him completely. My ex has been with his partner for several years too but we have a tricky relationship and i have never properly met the child he now lives with, although my ex does seem to compare the often which really angers me.
Anyway, as another poster said my ds is very touchy feely and giggly about body parts. He's always asking where my willy is and trying to look at or touch my boobs. I always bat him away gently and tell him that we don't touch or look at other's private parts. I shall sit down with him and have the recommended chat to check there's nothing in this and also to further explain about boundaries etc.
I am not trying to lay blame with the school at all but if my ds has heard someone saying things like this at school there could be another child at risk.
I truly believe ds did not understand what he was saying and i shall be having a stern word about the way he dealt with this and deals with it in the future.
Thanks for helping to put my mind at rest a little.

OP posts:
Original poster
sparklejawsy · 16/06/2012 19:36

sorry meant to say
I truly believe ds did not understand what he was saying and i shall be having a stern word with my ex about the way he dealt with this and deals with it in the future.

OP posts:
Chundle · 16/06/2012 20:17

Yep try not to worry too much. I was at my friends the other day, only met her ds a few times and he got his Willy out and asked me if iwanted to sniff it!!! He's 5!!! Boys are silly at this age.
Is go along the lines of "that was a bit of a daft thing to say wasn't it where did you hear that...." And see what he says.

Tell your ex not to compare for all he knows it could've been other boy that started it before the mum walked in!

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