Ds just ran out of school .....

[devonsmummy]

DS is 5 & in reception. I've had a troublesome morning getting him to listen to me he had a paddy because I told him when he was reading that the letter 'b' was not a 'd' he argued & argued -
I said ok if you won't listen when I'm trying to help you then we won't finish your reading
and i went to brush my teeth. This resulted in full on screaming & shouting.
Once he'd calmed down & listened to me we finished the reading.
Then he said can we go on scooters today - I said no because we were now late because of his tantrum & he didn't deserve to.
This resulted in another tantrum.
I sat down & said we are not going anywhere until this behavior stops . He then calms down & opens the front door but then legs it down the street closely followed by DD , almost 3.
I fly out of the door and as he's half way up the street we walk (run) to school.
The gates haven't been opened when we get there & there's a large crowd waiting.
DS runs over to say hi to some class mates , my Attention is with DD.
I look over just as DS is falling onto his bum , he jumps up & kicks a boy in his class that had pushed him over, who promptly runs off.
I get DS & ask if he's ok, he eventually bursts out crying.
Come on, I say , I'll speak to your teacher as you go in. DS then screams NO and runs off - so fast I cannot keep up - leaving DD trailing behind. He gets out of the school gates & now I don't know what to do as I'm scared he'll run into the road so I go back into the school to get DD
DS follows me at a distance - every time I turn to try & get him he bolts. A dad stops to see of DS is ok as he saw what happened - says they were playing happily then other kid just shoved him hard for no reason.
I manage to get as far as the school office so think it'll be easier to get him into the school here rather than chance him running off while we get to his class.
As the school sec opens the door to let us in he runs off again!
I manage to grab him this time & get him into the office. The school sec says come in here DS and ushers him into a side room, as I get DD I hear her shout Owww!
DS has hit her in the chest ! I am mortified!
I get in the room and hold him until he calms a bit but he is still adamant he's not going in. Another member of staff has to physically restrain him so I can leave.
Whilst all this is going on (after him hitting) I hear someone say make an appointment for that mum for tomorrow morningplease .
So I'm guessing imgonna be called in for his behavior ( rightly so!) but what about the kid that pushed him?
Will the school speak with his mum or is it down to me to approach her?
DS is usually not an aggressive child but does retaliate & also sticks up for his friends if they've been hurt.
The only time I've seen him like this is when he was being bullied earlier in the year & wouldn't go to bed ( as he knew when he woke up he'd be going to school)
Sorry it's so long but nobody to speak to & needed to get it out!!

Sounds like the morning from hell, hope your feeling a bit better.

I personally wouldn't worry about the other boy as it seems like your ds was on track to a bad morning anyway if that makes sense.

Um. Little boys do tend to play up and bit and some rough and tumble is expected at this age but your ds, sorry to say, does sound a little OTT.

The school will not deal with the other little boy as that was outside the school premises and outside school hours.

Now I'm sorry but is this a normal day for you? What do you normally do if your little boy runs off? Has he hit an adult before? I mean, we all have off days but this is an off day to the extreme!

FWIW getting 'b' and 'd' mixed up is very very common, my 8yo still does it so don't worry unnecessarily about that. The more you go about it, the more frustrated you make them. Just let it go and do a few 'b' and 'd' exercises when he's in a relaxed mood.

If this behaviour is fairly typical then ask to speak to the Parent Support Advisor - every primary school has one. They can help support you and your child whilst he is at school and can often come up with a plan to make the mornings much less stressful.

Yes I'm used to the rough & tumble - I think there's a switch at age 4 for boys!
Now I've calmed down I realize it's not the other kid at fault - they have all pushed kicked or hit each other in the past when having rough n tumble time waiting to go into school.
We were actually on school premises - the reception classes & playground have their own gate within the school.

DS has never run off like this & only ever hit me when I've put him on time out for bad behavior ( doesn't excuse it & not a regular occurrence)

The school secretary is such a lovely lady - she rang to say he'd settled & was now in class.

I think you need to nip this in the bud. Running away from you is not acceptable and very dangerous and he needs to understand that. Likewise hitting is not acceptable either. If you don't tackle this now it could cause problems.

When he gets home, sit together and write out some rules. Focus on the positive, so instead of writing "Don't run away from mummy" you could write "We must always stay with mummy." "Don't hit" could be "We will be kind to each other."

Then discuss with him what happens if the rules are broken. He could suggest a suitable punishment with you, such as time out. Explain that the rules are there to make sure that he is safe and if the rules are broken, there are no warnings, just the punishment you have both agreed on.

You must make sure you stick to it though, no matter how much he protests. Praise him when he does stay with you and praise him when he goes into school independently and without a struggle. Praise every little thing that he does as we often take those things for granted - such as putting on shoes when they are told etc. Focus on the good behaviour rather than the bad which will encourage him to be good to gain the positive attention you are lavishing upon him.

Personally I would also make him write a proper apology to the school secretary as he needs to understand that hitting someone is never ever right, especially an adult who is trying to help him. And if he is pushed, he needs to come and tell you straight away or tell a teacher because if he pushes or hits back, that will only get him into trouble too.