21-month & hitting/biting/scratching/pinching....I'm in despair.

[ali23]

This has been escalating for the last fortnight or so. This morning, however, was the worst yet. At a softplay DS, 21-months, and another tot whom I'd guess to be a similar age were jostling over the steering wheel of a car when the little boy pulled my son, who then retaliated by grabbing hold of his cheek and pinching it REALLY hard. I blame myself - I was getting a bottle of water - while constantly checking over my shoulder. I ran over and intervened immediately but not in time ; the little boy was left with a huge angry welt on his cheek. I found his Gran and apologised, took DS to the side and made him sit for a minute and then took him over to apologise to the other kid. I have never been so humiliated or ashamed. I can't get it out of my head. Has anyone got any advice? I have been doing time out at home when this happens with his 5-year-old sister but I feel as though I am not getting through. I could have cried this morning through sheer frustration and utter humiliation - I can't believe my DS is behaving like this. He is cutting back teeth, has some speech but the message about aggression does not seem to be getting through. Ironically, this morning, I felt like smacking him for pinching the little boy - which I've never done, don't endorse and which on a rational level know makes no sense whatsoever - but I am beyond frustration and also anger. If my son came home from a softplay with scratches and a huge sore cheek I'd be fuming - yet here I am with my little bully terrorising everyone else. And advice appreciated. He is a very rought and tumble little boy and will I don't want to puncture that spirit I need to reign in his aggression for his own good. Anyone else been there and come out the other side?

apologies for typos and long post. I feel very teary and mortified.

I believe it is very common at this age, when they are just before being able to express themselves. It is not only you and your boy. Last week my DD (4) had four bite marks where my son (23 m) had drawn blood.

I just came down on it like a tonne of bricks: proper shouting and into his cot. I believe he is too young for time out. He hasn't done it since although this may be coincidence and he will lapse, I know.

My daughter was awful too.With her the only thing that worked was to ignore her. Not to ignore the behaviour but to pointedly tell her that I didn't want to play with her because she'd bitten me. Then I'd stay in the same room and potter but not engage with her. It was the only thing - well, that and time - that had an impact on her.

You may have to try a few thing sto damp it down. Chances are that he will grow out of it naturally.

Until he's four, like DD and discovers pinching (sigh...)

Thanks, latrucha. Misery loves company! My DD bit me occasionally and it always tended to coincide with teething but my DS is currently a tearaway.

Last week dd (23mo) grabbed a handful of another child's lovely blond curls. It took me several minutes to untangle them and now I watch her like a hawk around other kids and intervene if I sense her getting angry. I am hoping it will get easier as her speech improves. In the meantime I give her a stern talking to (I think she understands as she gets a bit upset) and then take her over to apologise.