2.6 year old DD - afraid to go outside.

[BonnieBlueButler]

Over the last couple of weeks, my 2.6 year old DD has developed a crushing fear of being outside. My DH and I have no idea where it has come from and are clueless to know how to deal with it.

She has said that it is the wind that she is afraid of, but she reacts in the same way whether it is windy or not. She will beg to be brought back into the house; she is genuinely distressed and frightened and it is horrible to see. She won?t go into the garden anymore and it has now reached the point where she refuses to have the back door open or the car window.
We have been trying not to make too big a deal of it for fear of embedding it further, but I admit to getting really frustrated with her on a couple of occasions, which obviously does not help. We have tried to carry on as we usually would. For example, today we went for a walk in the woods. She refuses to walk. She is ok, not happy, but generally ok, in her buggy or being carried, but if she is encouraged to walk she gets very distressed and begs to be picked up. She just seems to feel unsafe without the comfort of someone holding her.

Strangely though, there are situations where she is happy to be outside. She asked to go to the park on the way back from the woods. Although she would not walk to the playground, she played happily on the equipment for a good hour with no issues at all. She will also talk about doing things outside, for example playing on her friend?s trampoline or playing on the beach when we go on holiday in a few weeks (which at the moment I am dreading) with no sign of stress or fear.

This is a new thing. She was playing happily in our garden up until a couple of weeks ago. She can?t seem to express what is making her afraid. She is obviously picking up on our worry and frustration as you can see her trying so hard to fight it. After we have picked her up, shut the door/window, brought her back into the house etc, she will make a comment like, ?I?m ok mommy, see??. She knows we are worried and this in turn is worrying her further.

In all other aspects she is fine: she is great with other kids, plays happily with them; she plays well on her own; eats and sleeps well. She has been ill recently with a virus, which did make her quite ill, but this fear seems to have predated the virus and is continuing even now she is better.

Sorry this is long. I just want her to feel safe and enjoy herself but I don?t think we are handling it in the best way. Does anyone have any similar experiences/advice? Should I take her to the doctors? It?s so horrible to see her so distressed and not be able to help her. Thanks in advance.

How stressful! Could it be linked to walking? I ask because you say she's ok in her buggy and whilst playing on the swings etc...but she won't walk anywhere.

I know that the garden isn't exactly a chalenging walk but stress regarding walking anywhere could have just "leaked" into that area too?

I don't know about the docs...personally I think if it were me, I would ride it for a bit longer...maybe see if you could get someone or something she adores to be IN the garden ready for her to see and that could entice her out as a start?

Does she like paddling pools? Maybe a new one? Or some other new garden toy she might love?

A really good idea regarding the garden toys. She already has some which she used to love, but she does love the swings/slide and we were thinking of getting her a slide this summer. That may well entice her out.

I really don't think it is a walking thing. She loves walking and running around - just not outside at the moment!

The only thing we can link it to is that our garden fencing blows around quite a lot in the wind and can be a bit noisy. This could have spooked her and she now associates this with being outside.

I think you are right about the doctors. I am hoping that this is just a (distressing) phase that she will grow out of eventually. Thanks for the advice.

sounds to me like its linked to walking, could you test this theory out by forgetting to put the buggy in the car and see what happens when you get to somewhere ssy the park. and just do not give into carrying her, just to see how things pan out, I know it may be distressing for dd but at least you will be able see what happens. You may be able to persuade her to walk, just be patient and empathic and sit it out for a while, you dont need to force her, just say we can sit here untill you feel confident to walk.

If it has been going on for a while I would talk with your HV now to see if and what anything can be done to help her, I would want to be combating this now before she gets any older.

xpost op, wrt walking.

We haven't used the buggy for ages - she has always been happy to walk. We brought it out again this week to try and make it a little easier to take her out and she seems to have latched onto it as a comfort thing and now won't get out of it!

I would secure that fence asap.,.I have a strong memory of being in an area near my home which had a lot of very tall Cypress trees...it was SO spooky to me...the way the wind whistled was absolutely terrifying. I must have been about three and I also rememeber when I got older, going back there just to scare myself!

They can be very suggestable at this age...my own DD is 4 and quite recently the wind was making the letterbox flap and whistle and she was frightened...I told her it was just the wind and she said "Can he get in??" in a terrified way...to a child of your DDs age a simple comment about the wind could conjure all kinds of bogeymen perhaps?

I would also buy her a windmil and let her blow it in the house...then plant some sunflower seeds with her...let them grow in the pot in the kitcchen......only takes a week...and then pop the pot outside and help her put the windmill in and watch the wind blow it.

Explain the wind is only air....it might help...planting things is a nice thing and she may connect the two in a more positive light?

I think you may well be right about the wind spooking her. It may be that this fear has suddenly overwhelmed her a couple of times since without her expecting it.

She's very little still and possibly can't think through her fear logically, either in terms of the actual risk to her from the wind or in terms of understand where the fear is coming from. Also don't forget that she doesn't know how to work out when a gust of wind is likely to suddenly catch her in the way that an adult can.

It may be that she can talk about playing outside and play on the park equipment simply because she hasn't thought of the thing she's scared of in those contexts.

I would definitely carry on with normal life because that is how she will find out that nothing bad happens when you do go out. Give her loads of reassurance and if she wants to be carried and you are able to then go ahead. Don't highlight the fear in any way and just carry on as normal, demonstrating, by your lack of concern, that there is nothing to be frightened of.

She will probably get over this of her own accord if you play it down. If you do buy her a new garden toy make sure she is asking to go out to use it rather than you suggesting it. The more she feels you want her to go out, the less likely she is to go.

Go with your instincts when it comes to offering her comfort and cuddles - you'll know if she's trying it on - but don't give the impression that you're protecting her from anything in case you reinforce her fear.

Agree totally with Timansra's post, particularly about not focussing on the fear.

Thanks all. My instinct has just been to carry on with normal life. I've tried to be quite 'breezy' about it all today. She has been acting in the same way, but I haven't felt quite so stressed about it.

Timansra - I think you are quite right by saying she is less likely to want to go out if she senses we are pressuring her to do so. Other than the essential going out, we have let her decide if she wants to today. We're stopping with the constant, 'shall we go and play in the garden'. It had become a bit of a mantra!

Thanks again.