Successful ways to discipline a 4 year old?

[JakeysMumma08]

Hey everyone. So I really was absolutely blessed with the best baby ever. He slept right through from 3 weeks, hardly cried, hardly ever got sick, was so well behaved. Potty training was non existent he did it in a week and he's never once wet the bed (No word of a lie). But obviously as he's now 4 he's getting into mischief, not doing as he's told, giving me and his father attitude, having to be told 3/4/5/6 times to stop doing something and he still does it. I've done the whole naughty step/spot and its not worked for some time now. I don't believe in smacking (that's not a dig at any parent who does its just not something i believe in due to my own upbringing) and its starting to upset me quite a bit. Anyone with any advice? It would be going to a grateful mummy! Many thanks for read xx

Try and praise the good and ignore some of the bad , pick your battles.

Star charts?

I keep mentioning it on here but get a copy of 1 2 3 magic.

If you do a search on here you'll find loads of threads about it too.

It certainly takes the stress out of discipline.

Does he have a particular toy that he really likes. If he does something naughty say if you do that again I will take x toy away for you for 1 sleep. If he does it again take the toy away immediately. Explain why you are doing it as well.
Star charts for good behaviour also good. I give mine a choice. I row completed for a small reward or the whole chart for a slightly larger reward.
I think you have to find what work for your child e.g. DS1 is happy to sit on the naughty step, it doesnt bother him but hates to have toys taken away. DS2 total opposite.

Positive behaviour management can work so much better.

Catch him doing good things and praise him for it. Include the reasons why you like the behaviour.

If he begins doing something unacceptable be very disappointed - it can home home far harder than anger.

Star charts can work if the child doesn't start taking control and bartering for stars. A better strategy could be to offer treats and cite something good the child has done as the reason. E.g. you have waited so patiently while I talked to xxxx that I think we'll pop into the shop and get you a magazine on the way home.

Also think about why the naughty spot hasn't worked. Is it because you are not as consistent as you might be? Make sure that you give very clear messages. No means no. Boundaries are the same every day and cannot be pushed back by nagging or tantruming. Always have the energy to follow through with what you have said will happen.

I sympathise, DD2 is 3 1/2 and I am struggling. She does not care about things being taken away - the only thing that would really work would be her thumb & removing that would be a bit extreme. Star Charts do not work for her & although we use a thinking space this has little effect too.

All of the above worked well with DD1 so I don't think I have a consistency problem.

Recently I bought a load of reward stickers (cheap in Wilkinsons) and gave her one for every good thing she did (just stuck them on her) - it did help a little, helped me too as I could see her covered in stickers and remember that she is mostly good,but it is not a practical long term solution.

Use descriptive appreciation rather than "good" and "bad" say things like

It was very helpful of you to remember to bring in our school bag, well done

Gosh you got dressed so quickly today, how did you manage that?!

You are working so beautifully on your building, tell me about your work...

No you can't have some sweets but that was a very nice ask, well done.

etc

I don't do the rewards or punishment, never had to. The reward is the feeling they get from being accepted, valued, acknowledged etc.

"it did help a little, helped me too as I could see her covered in stickers and remember that she is mostly good,but it is not a practical long term solution."

I think that's fantastic! It's a really good way to put their behaviour into perspective - for them as well as us! We sometimes forget about the dozens of good things they do when they slip up and do one thing we don't like. I could have done with that this morning when DD2 wouldn't go to school.