5 year old takes Frustrations out by biting herself

[20SomethingmumUK]

My daughter is 5 and has been at school since September. She's doing well, she's come really far from not being able to even write her own name then to being able to write lots of words, and draw beautifully. Her teacher says she's reaching targets as expected.
However, she is not happy about not being able to write everything or read everything that she wants. I don't push her, and never have, I prefer the method of thought that says she will get there by herself and pushing a child just creates more issues down the line (said as the project of a pushy Mother who I never felt I pleased).

She gets so angry with herself and cries in anger, and at worst and becoming more frequent, she either bites the lower part of her arms, or if she already has a scab there, she picks it until it bleeds. Her arms look terrible because of it, and I've already had her teacher ask me why she is covered in cuts of this kind, I'm clueless as to what to say as I'm petrified of them thinking us parents have done it.

I have treid to talk to her but its tough explaining things to someone so little.
Help!

I think you're definitely right not to push her, particularly if she has a built-in frustration switch that results in self harm. And god knows it's tough explaining things to a 5yr old.
It's strange that someone so young would be so determined to advance/succeed to the point that she would hurt herself. Perhaps one thing you could try is reward for stuff she is already capable of e.g. when she gets to the point that she normally reads to (just before the frustrations kick in), stop there, reward her and leave it. Try and find ways of gently introducing the bits she finds difficulty with and when she learns anything new, reward and stop. Little by little is what's needed I think.
For me, part of the problem is the systems some teachers have in schools. 'Targets' for children attending school for the first time is wrong to me and puts pressure on them at too early a stage. They need to enjoy learning and enjoy their time in school and not be put off at such an early age.
But it sounds like you have a wee genius on your hands there!

Thank you, some great ideas.
I do find sometimes that her teacher doesn't help. They have had two teachers, the first was great but left in March due to having a baby. The second is a bit of a weird one. She seems to have her class faves. She (my daughter) does tend to get upset easily and cry, she's quite girly in that respect, but that tends to mean the teacher blames her outright when things go wrong in class, although I have spoken to the teacher about this and said I don't feel it helps with the frustration angle. She also puts herself up against her friends too, who are all different levels, one boy is very clever (and lovely!) and she hates that she feels she's not "as good" as this child.
Hopefully she'll go through this as a phase but it's hard to watch her get that upset, enough to hurt herself. Will try the suggestions though, she loves a treat!

ouch.

I think you should make an appointment to talk to the head teacher about that.

It sounds like the new teacher is making your daughter feel very very anxious - probably without meaning to. If the teacher doesn't know that the kid is so very worried about schoolwork, then teacher doesn't know to ease up on her.

You definitely need to work on this together with the school.

As in, you actually need to tell the school that they are making your kid so anxious that she's hurting herself. They probably have no idea. If you don't tell them, how will they know?

I think I will have to now, was avoiding doing so as I don't want to be the Mum who goes moaning about teachers. I also was really concerned about what they think is going on with her cuts, the teacher was really quite forceful over them to me- she actually makes me feel uncomfortable as she's, well, direct. But that said the head is lovely, so yes, think that's the best course of action.

Hi, I know this is a massively old thread, but it is ringing true with me on so many levels! Just like you, my 5 yr old daughter often will hurt herself out of pure frustration. It's not about the work though, quite often it's just when she's not getting something she wants or is not happy with the outcome of something. But she has also started school in Sept and is quite gifted in many ways. She puts a lot of pressure on herself already and constantly compares herself to her peers.
Did your daughter grow out of this?! Thanks

Sorry to jump on an old post but this resonated with my current situation and keen to know how it panned out for you..