how do i get a 4yo to sit still for circle time at nursery?

[bamboobutton]

had a letter from Ds's nursery this morning with some targets they want us to meet, one of which is getting him to sit still for the 10 minute story time at the end of his session.

the nursery staff say he is always getting up and wandering off.

he has always done this with stories. he never sat still when we tried to read to him as a small toddler, he wriggled off us and wandered off, still won't do it for long now. he likes to play with his toys when he has his bedtime story too rather than snuggling in bed.
any attempt we have made to force or cajoal him to sit when we read a story results in a massive strop.

what can we do?

My thoughts:
the usual rule of thumb for preschoolers is one minute sitting still for each year of age so 10 minutes for a 4yo is quite long. He might sit still just barely that long twice a day at school, once for register + being told what's planned that day, and maybe at end when they are all tired, and get story whilst staff tidy up. Plus occasional assemblies.

Does he pay attention to stories at home being read to him at all? If he were genuinely engaged he wouldn't wander off.

Does he sit still for other things, puzzles? TV? Hama beads?

He goes to school in September, no? So why worry about next 6 weeks, maybe just bin the letter.

All you can do is praise him when he sits for a few minutes for any reason similar to listening to a story.

TBH if he doesn't like listening to stories then why should he be made to sit through them? Trying to make him sit still will just switch him off them even more.

Have they done any observations to see what is causing the problem with sitting? Does he sit and concentrate well at other times? Is he uncomfortable on the floor, perhaps due to a scratchy carpet? Does he find other children sitting close to him difficult? Can he hear the story properly? I know he's the same at home but they should still be looking at reasons so they can work out how to help him. Just telling him to do it is not good enough.

Some children find sitting still difficult because they need to move to keep their body grounded. gives a good explanation of why some children need to wriggle.

If he needs to play or fiddle in order to listen then the nursery should be allowing this and encouraging him to do it in a way which doesn't disturb others rather than stopping him.

Should it not be up to the nursery staff to ensure the children are sitting for circle time? Perhaps suggest that they engage with him more during circle time, if its a story then they could make eye contact with him, involve him a bit more in the story?

What books are they reading? If the topic isn't one he has any interest in he will find it difficult to sit for 10 minutes without wandering off. Perhaps let the staff know what topics he likes and they could try that to see if that helps him sit for the duration of the story.

Also second what Timandra said about the staff encouraging him to do something else that doesnt disturb the other children, at my sons nursery the "wrigglers" are allowed to take a small toy e.g car, train, favourite non noisy toy and play with that quietly while sitting as part of the overall circle.

you're all saying what i'm thinking.

adventures- he's never been the slightest bit interested in jigsaws etc. he prefers playing with his cars in the sandpit. painting he will do for a short while, same with play dough.

he enjoys some stories but he prefers books about facts- dinosaurs-stars/space- the ocean. he loves the osborne 'see inside' books. he will sit and listen to a story if it is one to one and it is made really exciting, doing actions etc.
i'm not sure what they are reading him. i have secretlyy observed him when i am i bit early to pick him up and he sits there jiggling about, looking around him, not paying any attention.

he's always been a fidgity(sp?) boy, gets up from the table and wanders off to play before coming back for another mouthful and going again.

Really? I would just answer that he will do it when he is ready. Some kids are ready to sit and listen when a bit older. I always thought it was pretty normal for a child that age not to sit down for ten minutes and listen to a story. I also feel very uncomfortable when we are asking little children to 'fit in' and 'tick' all the boxes. They all develop at different speed.

How are his language skills? Does he hear OK? My friend's little girl had glue ear and she was not able to sit and listen like other children, she was always wandering off, and they found that she had a hearing problem.

While I can see what others are saying that it would be lovely for young children to be able to do what they want when they want, sitting still and quiet for 10 minutes is a skill that children are expected to have mastered by the time they start school (like using the toilet or eating with cutlery) so the nursery is right to encourage it.

I would start small, with sitting and listening for 2 minutes at first. Give him a cushion or piece of fabric as his "spot" to sit on and maybe something small to fiddle with if it will help him concentrate.

Please don't take this the wrong way but have you had his hearing checked ,if he can't hear the story then he's not going to pay any attention.

some children do struggle to sit still but he does need to be encouraged to learn how to do this as otherwise school in Sept is going to be hard for him

spoke to the nursery when i picked him up (dh had done the morning drop) and they said he had been good as gold and had been sitting nicely. they haven't said anything about him getting up from the lunch table so i'm assuming he just finds circle time boring

to answer some questions he has issues with speech, he has seen a speech therapist and has now been signed off as she was very pleased with his progress. he is about 80% understandable to people who aren't family, but has improved loads since starting nursery.
he has had his hearing checked and the audiologist(is that right!) said his hearing was crystal clear. speech therapist thinks he may have had undetected glue ear at some point when he was a small toddler.

i'm thinking they are bringing this up because they think he starting school soon and will be expected to sit. i have deferred his starting date til spring next year because of his speech and various boring domestic arrangements, house move, me not driving yet etc, perhaps i should let them know now.

A good reception teacher won't expect him to sit for longer than he can concentrate. The EYFS is all about the child being ready to learn and leading the learning themselves. There will be some sitting listening but it will be minimal because there will be lots of four year olds who can't manage it. They will adapt the classroom routines to suit the group they are working with.

I agree, lots of four year old children find this difficult, he will not be the only one and his teacher will gently help him to increase his sitting time. Giving him a special cushion, or a spot to sit on could help, as could giving him something to fiddle with (stretchy toy, squishy ball etc). Also you could try discussing the problem with him - explain that the teacher finds it hard to read a story when someone is running around the room, and does he have any ideas that could help him stay still for a bit longer? I am constantly amazed at the ability of the small children that I teach to come up with workable solutions!

Ds' nursery are always banging on about him sitting still and not being silly at the end of the day carpet time. Tbh I just smile and nod, and obviously reinforce that he needs to listen to what his teachers tell him. He is only just 4 and doesn't like sitting still, doesn't sit through a full meal usually. I'm sure he will get it in time, but I think nursery are expecting a bit much of him really.

Marking my place to show the OH as my childs playgroup say they have concerns over our child as he won't sit long for a story. He is 2.

fozzy26 that is laughable!

Is he really the only one in the group who won't?

Hi all, my 3.5yo is attending preschool since last week. We received complains from teacher that he is unable to sit still and easily get bored with toys and book. he refused to follow their instructions too. He goes his own way in the classroom and seldom join the group. However he follows instructions and responds well to me at home. Teacher suggest he should be out on 1 to 1 teaching approach but I prefer him to be able to mix around with other children. Took him to specialist consultation and doctor couldn't sure that he is on the spectrum of autism. Anyone encounters this problem before and how is the child now?