Tantrums serve a purpose. They are either a child pushing the boundaries really hard in order to find out whether they are flexible or not, or they are a way for a very frustrated child to express him or herself and work through his or her feelings. Both things need to happen and if you see them as positive processes you are more likely to be able to stay calm yourself.
The one most important principle to remember is that no means no. If the tantrum was sparked by you refusing your DD something then don't change your mind. If you do you are teaching her that screaming is a good way to get what she wants and it will go on for years longer than it needs to.
Distraction can be a good way to avoid the conflict when you need to but you should also think about what she's learning. If you want her to learn that jumping on the dining table is not acceptable behaviour then say "Get down" as you lift her off it and keep doing that until she realises that she won't be allowed to do it. That way she learns that she has to stop that behaviour and that the boundaries are not flexible so there's no point in persisting in trying to get up there. If you have distracted her with something nice or exciting she hasn't found out that you won't allow it and will just come and do it again and again.
Use short clear positive instructions. If you want her to stop playing with the oven buttons say "fingers off". That way she has heard exactly what you want her to do. If you say "Don't touch to buttons" She will process the "touch the buttons" part and be more likely to do it.
Definitely choose your battles. Only say no to what is important. If you can let a few things go on a bad day then do it because constant conflict is exhausting for everyone. That doesn't mean say no and then give in. It means ignore or distract without saying no.
If she does go into full blown kicking and screaming mode then don't try to communicate with her. She probably won't be able to process any language. Stay nearby but not obviously watching. Keep very calm and be ready to comfort her when she is over it. She may be quite overwhelmed by her emotional outburst and need comfort and reassurance that everything is still alright.
You can also take a little time after she has calmed down to explain for her in age appropriate language what just happened and why, give labels to her feelings and let her know that you care that she was upset. Also explain why you had to say no.