teasing re: reading

[teobaldo]

My son is 5 and he is doing his first year of school in a fairly nurturing school. He loves school and skips to it everyday, however lately he looks sad sometimes and after a while one night he told me that the boy he initially (when he started school ) bonded with has been teasing him because he is "still" on stage 6 of (reading).

Apparently he does that whispering it to other boys in the class. My son is very sociable and friendly, very sweet, but quite sensitive and the fact that he considered the boy his friend I think really made him sad. DS told me that he is so sad, when they tease him that he finds it very difficult not to cry.

I am afraid I am one of the overprotective types - I think - I got really worried about the all thing, so went to school in the morning and mentioned it to the teacher. She told me that F (DS) is not the worst in his class at reading, this surprised me even more and I told her that I feel that the fact that, he is reading is already good enough for me given that he is one of the youngest in his class and that half of the class has done reception already ( the boys who are teasing him). So I said that in my opinion the school should not tolerate this kind of behaviour, that in my opinion, in the long run could hinder learning rather than encourage it.

Another mum also suggested it I tell the mother of the boy and I thought it was a good idea, given that they are/were friends, played together at home often and wanted to be honest, as I spoke to the teacher about her son. She was fine with it and told me her son is very competitive and actually gets quite upset as he does not read as well as others ( especially girls) she also thanked me to tell her.

So everything seems fine, however now I start wondering if I should have been more delicate/subtle about the all thing. I did ask ds if he wanted me to talk to the teacher and he said yes, but I do not know why, now I am wondering if I have done the right thing, or if I should have waited to see if things would settle by themselves. Am I supposed not to get the boys to have a playdates anymore ? Puzzled

Any teasing that takes place in school should be reported to the teacher and left to them to deal with. They can do some whole class work on how everyone learns at different speeds so that no-one feels singled out as being the potential victim or perpetrator.

I think you were right to talk to the teacher. I'm still quite about why the other boy is so competitive about his reading level. I'm not sure anyone in dd's class knows what stage or level the other children are on. I would continue with playdates and hopefully the teacher will address the issues in class as EcoLady said.

I think you did right to speak to the teacher. Not sure about the parent. Does depend on the parent, but generally, unless I know the parent well, I don't think it's helpful because if nothing else the child can then tell you've complained, rather than the teacher noticing on their own, which imo is more of a deterent for the pupil.

In one of my dc's class there was a child who told her parents she was the worst in the form at reading, and she was very embarrassed about it. As a matter of fact she was at the top end of the second group in a very literate class. Her mum didn't know why she'd got that impression.

I think dc do get competitive over reading bands because they have an absolute value. It's a bit like comparing marks which they don't get for other things at that stage. Certainly both my dd's would have been able to tell you throughout infants what band anyone in their class was on. They used to tell me with great excitement when someone went up anyway. Ds I doubt could tell you if anyone else had a reading book, as he couldn't care less.

Little bit confused by your middle bit. On the basis that you say you were surprised to hear he wasn't the worst, I wonder whether he's picked up anxiety on reading from you. Assuming he's year 1, level 6 is perfectly reasonable, I'd have been surprised if he was the worst.

When you say that you said "in my opinion the school should not tolerate this kind of behaviour, that in my opinion, in the long run could hinder learning rather than encourage it." Does this mean you didn't think the teacher was dealing it as you wanted, perhaps brushing it off? Because if the teacher was taking it seriously then it seems a bit of an overkill.

ahhh... just lost my message... thanks everyone. Dewe sorry for confusion, quite the opposite I was disappointed by teacher's reaction that though I was raising it because of DS level of reading INSTEAD of the teasing ( ds is in reception and the fact he reads whatever the level, makes me VERY happy). I worry about the teasing as in some children, at least the sensitive types, could create anxiety and I do not want that. Let's hope the teacher takes it up with the children. Yes I start regretting having told the parent, but I felt bad talking about him to the teacher behind the parent's back and I would have liked to know if it was my ds doing the teasing...
DS is in reception

Professional teachers will keep things confidential. If you are unsure about a teacher's discretion it is worth saying plainly that you don't want other parents to know about the discussion, that it is confidential.