four year old ignoring everything

[monairethu]

i know that ignoring requests and being disobedient is probably normal at four and a sign of growing independence. but just how do you deal with it????!!! our little one doesn't have a hearing problem so it's not that but will not doing anything we ask her - won't put on shoes, won't stop drinking the bath water, won't walk more than a hundred yards, won't eat all her dinner. we're trying to be calm and reasonable and put time limits on things and ask her three times before making her do stuff but don't feel like we're getting anywhere. i know it's a phase but like all phases when you're in the midst of it it feels like it'll never pass! any suggestions would be great. thanks in advance.

Firstly, praise her every time so does something you have asked her. Thank her for listening and doing it straight away no matter how small it is.

At a different time when you have a quiet moment together drop into conversation how proud you have been of her that day because she did xxxx and xxxx straight away and you only had to ask her once.

Secondly, don't ask her three times before making her do something.

Ask her to do it. If she ignores you say "I have asked you to do xxxx. If you do it now you can still do yyyy. If I have to ask you again you will not be able to do yyyy because you have ignored me". If she still ignores you carry it through so she knows you always mean what you say.

It is a phase and it will pass soon if you are very clear and consistent. It will also come back again, if she's anything like my DDs and needs to test the boundaries every now and then to see if things have changed.

that's really wise advice - thank you.

I've had a lot of success with turning stuff (like tidying up etc) into a game or race - "bet you can't gey dressed before I've done X."

Also, reverse psychology - "I know you can't quite manage to get your own shoes on yet, so I'll do them for you..." Lo and behold, shoes are on. I am often surprised by the stuff like that that ds (5) falls for as he is pretty savvy really but it works 80% of the time, I'd say.

I also find, now that he is a bit older, that giving him more responsibility is working well. So rather than telling him each thing I want him to do, asking him what he thinks he needs to do to get ready for swimming, for instance, usually results in him getting his stuff together, and it seems he appreciates being trusted to know what to do.

When all this fails, I find screeching like a fish-wife reasonably effective too .

No suggestions from me just wanted to say that our DD is exactly the same! It drives us insane and doesnt seem to be getting any better

Are you sure it isn't a hearing problem? My DD was like this. Then she had the screning hearing test in Reception. Turned out she had glue ear and couldn't hear me. I had NO idea and she had been getting into trouble for ignoring us!

thanks for your responses - good to know that it's not just us experiencing this.the last few days have been a bit better thankfully. can def say it's not hearing - grommetts already in and a recent hearing test was perfect.

thanks for your responses - good to know that it's not just us experiencing this.the last few days have been a bit better thankfully. can def say it's not hearing - grommetts already in and a recent hearing test was perfect.

gosh, asking her three times to do something sounds like a nightmare! Kids tend to push things as far as they know they can!! With mine I give an instruction (please can you put your socks on) and then if they don't do it I start counting calmly to three. If they haven't started doing following the instruction by the count of three, I calmly/fairly put them in time out or in a corner to 'reflect'