Sanctions for bad behaviour

[Hairytoe]

I would be grateful if anyone has any good ideas for sanctions to impose on children to discourage bad behaviour.

I use time outs which work well to calm a situation down. It's just persistent bad behaviour ( not doing as they're told, consistently breaking rules).

I've looked in the Internet and I'm thinking of setting up a ' marble' system - like a sticker chart where they earn/lose marbles which can then be saved up to exchange for treats. Anyone got any experience of that?

I'm a bit stumped for a ' major' sanction though in the event of serious misdemeanor. I don't want to smack. I've tried confiscating stuff ( ds, computer time, specific toys) but they all play with loads of stuff, there's no one thing that they can lose which particularly bothers them.

Tv ban wouldn't work unless I banned all of them or kept the ' naughty' one out of the
lounge!

My children are 8, 6 and 3. They're not dreadfully behaved but I know when things kick off I'm just reacting spontaneously ( and often emotionally) - I need more of a plan so I feel more in control.

Sorry if this post sounds a bit 'cold' but I'm feeling like my relationship with my 8 year old dd1 is deteriorating and i'm hoping a less emotional response from me will help us.

Thanks for any advice

I would stick to the positive as much as possible.
Are you getting any time with the DCs as a 1-1?
If the 8 yr old is the difficult one is she getting different treatment e.g a later bedtime? Does she have responsibilities?
I think that you need to concentrate on the older ones because the 3 yr old will just copy.
I would sit them down and draw up the most important rules together (let the small things go) and write them down. Then write a list of things they would like to do- they don't have to cost money e.g cooking, a trip to the park, playing a board game with you.
You could do the marbles for this but don't take them out for bad behaviour- just put them in for good.

Posted too soon- once the jar is full choose something from the list.

Thanks for your response. I do think the older two need some 1-on-1 attention . Will try writing a list of rules with them ( we did they before but I forgot, no idea where the lust is now !). I do try hard to focus on the positive , just sometimes dd1 in particular is just so unreasonable!

I will bump it up for you-surprised that you have had no other responses.

The older 2 are of an age where money is often a good motivator - the sticker/marble type thing never really worked with mine because it was all a bit abstract. So instead I gave them pocket money - say £1 a week or whatever - and then deducted 10p or 20p for crimes and misdemeanors. If one ended up with £1 on a Sunday night and one with only 30p, it would focus the mind a bit :o.

I agree re doing all you can to engineer one to one time with them - I know how hard that can be to sort, but the rewards are enormous - you start to enjoy their company more and so don't instantly react (or over-react) badly when they mess about.

And never be afraid to walk away and do some counting to ten before you deal with an issue.

I used to go into another room - count to 10, grit my teeth, smile and return with a positive- so would agree with Hassled. It is very easy to get into a downward spiral.

Thanks for all your comments and ideas. DH and I both individually had a calm chat with the 8 year old ( the main problem at the mo) last night. Today things were much better, all the children were less argumentative and we're both (DH and me) trying to be calmer and quieter with them. I don't want to punish left right and centre just looking for something to use when all reason fails.

Pocket money worth a try although I don't want to overuse that as currently that is dependant on keeping bedrooms tidy and is working well. May try earlier bedtimes too. They're keen on coming down for 'tv time' with us for a bit before they go to bed ( usually The One Show although lately its been Great British Menu ! ) - if they're really out of order they could lose that.

Not feeling quite so stressed about it today and had quite a bit of advice now over a few threads. Thanks again

I think you should have got more. Concentrating on eldest seems a good idea if she is the problem. A special privilege for being the eldest - if she deserves it.