Help - DD1 (5yo) is addicted to TV...

[Noomininoo]

My DD1 is 5 next week and at the moment ALL she wants to do is watch TV from the minute she wakes up to the minute she goes to bed.

She has always been difficult to entertain, demanding almost constant attention & has never really really been able to entertain herself. I try to keep her engaged as much as I can but when I've also got 2yo (very high energy) DD2 running around the place, dinner to cook, chores to do etc I can't keep her occupied all the time (nor do I want to tbh!).

Her desire to watch TV has now got to the point where she would rather be doing that than anything else. We go out on a nice day trip & she's constantly nagging to go home so she can watch the TV. Today we had a jubilee street party & all she wanted to do was go home & watch TV. She has friends over to play & all she wants to do is watch TV. She'll wake up early & go downstairs so she can get a bit in before we get up & tell her to turn it off.

I obviously do try to limit the amount she watches but the whinging & the crying & the stroppiness that ensues when I stop her watching TV is getting really difficult to handle

I really need some tips on how to get my DD1 away from the TV & entertaining herself.

Help!!

We turned ours off for an entire weekend when this happened to us...they got over it very quickly. Make her go outside...DONT turn it on. If you think she's going to sneak down in the morning, make sure the fuse is out of the plug at night.

Do you think she whinges and cries so that you'll eventually give in? If that is what happens, she will continue to whinge and cry.

On average, how much telly would you estimate she watches per day?

Presume she attends school? How does she do with having to function in the 'real world' there?

I would take out the fuse, explain that it's broken, and accept no fuss. I'd be brisk and cheerful about it - "sorry love, it's broken, nothing I can do until it's mended. No amount of kicking off is going to magically fix it."

Then I'd keep it 'broken' for a week at least.

I think you'll find she gets past it soon enough.

My mate has done exactly what Boob said and she said she loved it. Her dc stopped fighting over whatnot watch and they stopped getting up at the crack of dawn to put the Telly on. She said her crowning moment was looking up and seeing her 8 year old reading a book with his five year old sisters feet in his lap whilst she was sewing they were tearing each other apart a week earlier and hers stayed broken for six weeks

I agree with the others it might be worth banning it completely for a while.

Dd1 would happily watch tv all day ignore I let her. She's almost 5 so similar age. I let her watch tv before breakfast (though she's not allowed up before 7am) and while I'm making dinner (so about 4.30-5.30pm). I find having set times that I stick to avoids all the nagging and pestering as she knows I won't give in.

Also, just to reiterate, it is the tv itself that is having a detrimental effect on her behaviour. My children are definitely more foul on days where they watch too much tv.

Agree with Silentboob.
I'm 38 weeks with no 4 and have had days where TV has been babysitter. 2 of my DC will usually wander off and play together but the 6 year old could happily sit and watch for hours if allowed. I find behavioural and concentration problems as a result, little motivation or interest in anything else.
I'd usually only use it for distraction when I need to cook late afternoon.
Good luck. I'd be inclined to just set an hour a day when u both need it using methods mentioned in previous posts.
Take care

Make it work for you! Definitely stop TV for a while then when and if you reintroduce it use it as a diversion when you need it, and allow specific programmes for specified time periods.

DS is the same age as your DD and was similarly obsessed. I think they lose the skill of entertaining themselves. He watched it lots after his little sister was born and we've now got back to shorter periods and not every day. Big improvements in behaviour and temperament since!

I was also going to suggest that the tv mysteriously "breaks" somehow and sh can't watch it at all.

I have the tv on quite a lot during the day but DS will ignore it as much as he watches it, and often doesn't notice if I switch it off. Sometimes he says he'd rather watch his show than go out to do other things, but that's quite rare. If he gets that bad then our tv will also mysteriously "break" (although it would drive DH demented too - he's one of those who has the tv on from the minute he gets up until he goes to bed.)

I agree with everyone who say switch it off for a week at least.

Mine were getting too engrossed in the tv. They wanted it on all the time. It got to a point when I couldn't switch it off without tears and tantrums so I've banned it now Mon-Thurs. Fri evening they can have a dvd/film and they can watch tv/play xbox on the weekend for a couple of hrs or more if its raining.

I did have to guide them to do activities initially. I'd get the play-doh out, get drawing paper and pens out, bake, get some toys out and suggest games.

The difference is amazing. They play really well together and look at books together. Ds1 has started reading more and ds2 is really keen to learn so he can copy his older brother. They also love doing activity/workbooks (I'm not complaining!) and playing with lego and track building stuff.

They are generally better behaved now. They're calmer and quite often do as I ask without too many complaints.

I'd second the idea that your TV 'breaks'. Then after a period of time I might get a couple of dvds with episodes of begnin children's programmes and allow dvds to be watched at certain times.

I find that as old children's programmes are less whizzy and flashy than the new stuff they seem to be much less 'entrancing'. They tend to have better vocab on them as well. (DS is only 21mo so am talking with my work hat on a little here).

I guess the downside is that (unless your house is massive and she sleeps in a different wing ) you won't be able to watch tv either while it is 'broken' and after that you'll have to work out how to stop her from switching it on for herself during the day. I wonder if there is some kind of parental control gadget you can buy.

Thanks for the responses. I would say, on average DD1 watches about 1-2hrs of TV a day during the week (depending on what after school activities we do) but considerably more during the weekend, maybe 3-4 hours or more (although it would be even more than this if she got her way!).

There have been some behavioural issues, particularly at school where her teacher has commented on her inability to focus or concentrate on anything (she now has 1 to 1 reading sessions with a TA rather than in a small group with the other children due to her inability to focus). Trying to get her to do any reading or homework at home is a complete nightmare.

I guess I have been using TV as a bit of a crutch so I don't have to keep her entertained all the time . The other issue I have is that DD1 & DD2 really do not play together well at all. Whenever DD1 tries to play any of her toys DD2 comes barging in & either steals or messes up her stuff which usually ends up in a screaming match. Sometimes I feel like more of a referee than a Mum! Hopefully that will get better when DD2 is a bit older & learns to share & play cooperatively etc

I think I will ban all TV for a little while (although maybe after half term as I think a rainy week at home all day every day may be a bit too much of a challenge for all involved! )

Seriously, TV overload makes rainy weekends worse! Cabin fever + physical energy + TV = misery. Just switch it off and go outside. I'll be blunt and say your fear of being unable to cope without it isn't setting a good example for your daughter. Get outdoors and demonstrate that there's more to life.

On the mornings you have something planned, don't let the tv be on at all, and make it clear that it isn't going to be switched on at all that day. This could cut down on the demands to go home and watch tv if she knows she won't be watching it whether she's at home or not.

Needless to say, you need to stick to your guns.

And I'm honestly not some crazy anti-screens loon. We have TV, a Wii, an old XBox, a PC and smartphones, all of which are used by DC at times. In moderation. I have to say no to something every day but I'm a mum, that's what we do ;)

I'd cut the plugs off all the TVs in the house (to get rid of the temptation of turning them on in a moment of weakness) and wait a month. Then phase it in again... But then I think TV is horrible most of the time

I wouldnt tell her it is broken I think 5 is a good age to be honest and begin introducing the notions of what is good for you and what should be limited for what ever reason. I think its important that children should to be involved and encouraged in regulating their own behaviour and self controle.

If she understands that tv is something that is not good for her too much she can and should be involved in making the decission of when she watches. If it is a choice about a specific T.V programme rather than just randomly watching anything that is on, I do think that it is possible to negotiate with watching times, then it is serving a purpose ie to watch a certaine programe at a certaine time and not just on for the sake of it.

If my dd requests the telle on, if she cant tell me what she wants to watch it doesnmt go on, however if she says x is on at x time she is more likeley to ba allowed it on.

I agree with what you are saying there dangerousliaison but I think it would very much depend on the 5yo whether they were able to do that degree of processing. Some could, others might still need things to be more black and white.

Also second ohbugrit on the just go out front. DS has just been swimming and will be going to the woods in wellies and puddlesuit this afternoon whatever the weather is like because he is a nightmare indoors.

I am one of those screen free mums and we have it on for the children 1 hour and a half one time a week and have done so for past four years- the children never nag for TV because of this. I think a set time each day could work really well for you when you know you're at your most busy. Turning it off for a week to break cycle like the others said sounds good too.

I would have a week free for the entire family-take the plug out and remove it- to save arguments. When it comes back read her the choice of programmes and say she can have 2 -she can choose, but it only goes on for those.Any arguments say that you will remove it again (having had the week she will know you mean it).

Im not sure about the break for a week and removing plug/fuse etc. I remember my mum taking drastic sanctions like this for lots of things, eventually we would just suck whatever extreme measure she would install for the week as we knew eventually things would go back to normal despite her good intentions for what she wanted to achieve in the long run. What she would have been better doing was install some long standing rules in the first place and just say NO from time to time.

I would agree with that dangerous-if OP is sure that she can stick to it. Removing it gives a short, sharp shock that she means business (if she might slide)

I just feel that if the removalof the plug is needed for the parents benifit to not give in then, the actualproblem of meaning what you say will still remain the next week. My dd knows I mean buisness when I say no this is what is now happening, wether the plug is in or not will not affect how the child manages it, It only affects how the parent manages it and that problem will remain once the plug is back in. I feel it is better to just step up to the problem and get through it as you mean to go on.

However OP has problems handling it-take it away and there is nothing to handle.

It is in my opinion the same as the paernt who says no dont do that the shop lady will tell you off, or the police man will come etc. It is not giving the child the correct message that Im the parent, Im in controle and I have the conviction of what I say. the child will just see that as weekness in the long run.

I also wouldnt want a week of T.V in the vening when DCs where in bed or to watch the news in the mornings, which you would not be able to do if it was "broken" and if dcs caught you watching the "broken" tv then trust is shattered and drives home the message that parents are not strong enough to put this rule into action so they lied.