Moody and Hormonal pre-teen, what consequences for actions do you use ?

[moomoo1967]

DD is 12 and over the past couple of months has become even more argumentative than usual. I will try to explain as briefly as I can :
When asked to do something e.g. dry up after I have washed up, says she forgot or didn't hear me even though it is the norm for her to dry up

If I ask her to do something she will say leave me alone or shut up

If she eats something which has a wrapper, she will leave the wrapper on her sofa even though if there is a bin next to the sofa.

When she gets in from school, she is supposed to go upstairs with her school bag, get changed, do her bag for the next day and any homework(she can get a snack and drink while she is doing this) instead she leaves her bag in front of the door so that I trip over it when I come in, lounges in her school uniform watching TV.

She just seems to fly off the handle at the slightest thing, tells me I am always on at her. I do ask her to come and remove the stuff she hasn't put in the bin or the clothes she leaves lying around.

She hasn't started her periods yet but says she always has tummy ache in the evening or in the mornings, I have asked if there are any problems at school but she says no. The doc says the tummy ache is normal.

Could all this just be the onset of puberty and hormonal changes ? Is there light at the end of the tunnel ?
She has always been really strongwilled but recently it has been a nightmare, I have been glad to get to work just to have some peace.

At present she is grounded Sat and Sun for being argumentative as I felt that I had to take a stand, first time of being grounded. I know this weekend is going to be pure hell. If her behaviour and attitude improves then she gets to go out with her friends on Mon. What consequences do you use ?

I sympathise. Mine's 10 and is bad, can only see it getting worse :(

She has a range of consequences, depending on the issue: phone confiscation, no TV, sent to her room (more for my benefit ), grounding. That's pretty much it, really.

I think the key is to pick your battles. What's important? Some ideals you may need to let go. And don't forget humour - I find it's the only way to cope and can often turn a brewing argument around.

Personally I would ban the TV until she's done what she needs to do.

FWIW, I was told ages ago that tummy ache in kids is often 'their version' of a stress headache - alternatively, it could be a way of getting you off her back and/or gaining attention and sympathy.

Just make life crap though doesn't it she already goes to her room to watch TV, just doesn't seem to like my company at present either. I could be more sympathetic though with the tummy aches.
Has anyone ever tried giving their 12+ child rescue remedy ? It does say on their site that you can. I have started taking it and find it calms me down

Oh I forgot about the rescue remedy! I got the night time one for DD as she's an utter terror at bedtime. It does work - getting them to take it in the first place is tricky, though, so tread carefully.

Take the TV out of her room

I never carry arguments on unlike DH who goes on and on and on at her so they never get a chance to get out of control. She gets a couple of chances, then a warning then bam, consequence. End of.

Perhaps write a 'contract' of what you expect her to do on a daily basis? With consequences listed if it's not done. I dunno - just throwing ideas in, really.

Again, pick your battles - decide what is actually important and what can be left. DH quite often goes on and on at DD for something ridiculous just as some sort of power thing, I think. It doesn't ever end well.

You could say the rescue remedy is to help her stomach ache, 'new medicine'

Thanks for your ideas, just trial and error I suppose just a shame its over a nice holiday weekend