Should I be worried that my (nearly) 3 year old is sooooo quiet?

[Adayforthinking]

Hi all,

DD is going to be 3 in a couple of weeks.

When it comes to movement she developed quite slowly (sat at 6 months, crawled at 12 months and walked at 18 months). But mentally she seemed to develop normally. She was doing puzzles at 6 months (hence why she wasn't bothered about moving!) and absorbs everything around her, like a sponge.

She started at a little private pre-school in January after being with a CM since she was 4 months old. She's always been a very quiet child. Only really talking when she has to when she's with other people, but very chatty at home.

There was a slight question about the way she pronounced some of her words at her 2 1/2 year check and they suggested that if we hadn't noticed an improvement by the time she was 3, that we should go and see them again. Well there has definitely been some improvement since she started at the pre-school and to be honest I try not to worry about her speech. She spent 2 days a week since 4 months with a CM and also with my SIL. My SIL is completely deaf and has been from birth and I think that's where some of the pronunciation issues have come from, but she isn't with her anymore so I think that will sort itself.

My concern is more about how quiet she is in public and at school. She rarely speaks although the school say that she is starting to come out of herself. She talks about school all the time at home and talks about her 'friends' (I say it like that because apparently they are all her friends) and when she has friends over to play, after being initially quiet she will go and play with them.

The school have always said that I shouldn't worry that she's quiet because in their words 'she is a smart cookie and takes everything in - she could tell you exactly what goes on in the day'. And when she gets home she does tell us. She's just so quiet the rest of the time.

So, is she just going to be a quiet child, or should I be a bit concerned?

From what you say, she sounds like a normal little girl, but one who is just a little bit more quiet and retiring. I wouldn't be unduly concerned.

Has she had a hearing test? It sounds as if her hearing is okay but worth checking.

Thank you Beamur.

Skrullandcrossbones, I don't think she had her hearing checked at her development check (DH took her) and I guess we could get it checked. But she doesn't seem to have a problem hearing us or the teachers. She just seems to be very shy...

Just wondered if your SIL's hearing loss is a genetic thing (or due to an accident or something). If there's deafness in the family, then children are supposed to be given extra hearing checks. (I know, because I am partly deaf). That wouldn't be done by an HV at a development check but by an audiologist in a hospital.

Perhaps she finds noisy environments overwhelming?

My DD is in Reception and there are still quite a few children who do not speak very clearly.
FWIW, if she is shy, that's not such a bad thing - I read somewhere this week that in many cultures shyness in children is valued and is seen as a good thing. I'd try and make sure she has good self esteem, and encourage her to express herself, but not to put her in situations where she would have to try and 'tough it out'.

I'm partly deaf too - the hearing element had occurred to me as well. My DD has had extra checks on her hearing just in case.

Oh, you could be describing me at that age. Am super intelligent now, natch. But seriously, I was very quiet in my first few years at school, and have clear memories of the adults around me talking about that (while I was there! Tres rude). But I was very, very busy noticing everything, which it sounds like your daughter is doing, and am quite talkative in RL now. I think I was quite quiet for a long time though - til I was 7 or 8? I wouldn't worry, if I was you, especially in front of her - it's not an issue unless it starts to worry her.

Skrull and Beamur, no it's not a genetic thing with SIL, she started suffering with ear infections at a very young age (within weeks of birth) and they couldn't get rid of them. Apparently this is what caused the deafness (although having said that, there seems to be a bit of family-mystery about it so I haven't delved - they just confirmed that it wasn't genetic...).

Beamur, totally get what you mean with building her self-esteem. We go to a Farm type attraction each week (we've got the annual membership) and she will now go and help feed the animals and last week even stood in front of everyone (about 50 people) to show them how to whisk the powdered goats milk. So in certain elements she absolutely gets involved. She just doesn't feel the need to talk about it . I guess it might be a confidence thing, she gets that from her Mum.

Sparkly, that's a good point actually. Her teacher does talk about it in front of her and I wonder if she may start picking up on it. But thank you for your reassurance. I'm sure she'll be fine then!

Maybe find a pre-school class/activity that helps her get comfortable (in a gentle sort of way) with speaking out in front of a group. We do French for Fidgets which is great for that. Our local theatre is also starting a 'drama for toddlers' group which we're going along to in a couple of weeks. My DSs have really got a lot out of doing things like this, and it has definitely increased their confidence in groups.

my dd is a few months older than yours, but she is like this. She is quite a little madam confident with family and people she knows, but will not talk at all with people she doesn't know/if you put her on the spot/etc. Or she will talk in a kind of nonsense language. When she was about 2.5 I picked her up from nursery and she said something to me, and the member of staff said that was the first time she'd heard her speak. I wouldn't worry too much - my dd is slowly getting more confident, is perfectly smart and very clued in to people and what they do, but her world is divided into people she 'knows' and people she doesn't (which seems to denote how well she knows them rather than not having met them). I think it's important to let her know that it's ok not to talk, and not to pressure her - I did the 'say hello etc' thing for a bit, but it was not very effective and made her feel even more self-conscious.