Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

Original poster

At a loss. Please advise.

10 replies

TheOneWithTheCrown · 30/05/2012 21:19

My ds2 is 3.5. I have just had to go up to him crying his eyes out. He has been awake all evening (bad sleeper) and obviously thinking about things in his head.

I went up to him and asked what was wrong. He heartbrokenly told me he didn't want to die. I gave him a big cuddle and asked him what he'd been thinking of and he said he was scared of the electricity that makes you die. I have reassured him and he is now asleep.

I had no idea he would have a concept of life and death at this young age. My older two didn't so this has taken me by surprise. I have no idea how to explain this to him.

Has anyone else had this and how did you handle it? I mean it's a big idea for a little boy.

OP posts:
TheHouseOnTheCorner · 30/05/2012 23:44

Personally I tell mine that heaven is whatever you want it to be and if your idea of heaven is to be in your own house with your Mummy then that's what happens. Blush Well it MIGHT be...it's what I choose to believe.

All the doubts...they can come later. If you're not Christian...then I don't know what you'd say...

Original poster
TheOneWithTheCrown · 31/05/2012 08:13

I think it's not about heaven or whether we "go on" it's more that he ia consciously aware of his own mortality. I just don't know how to explain that to a three year old.

I told dh about it when he got in last night and he said ds2 was trying to mess with a plug socket and so dh told ds that the electricity would kill him. I think there may have been better ways of putting it!

OP posts:
Mama1980 · 31/05/2012 08:18

I am a archaeologist so death comes up fairly regularly in talks with my 4 year old. He isn't fazed at all though. I explain that we grow from special seeds etc and that in the end we return to the earth so it's not a end if that makes sense just another stage. Maybe approach it something like that?

Original poster
TheOneWithTheCrown · 31/05/2012 08:22

Glad mine isn't the only one so aware but how do you deal with life as he knows it will be no more. I think that's what he's scared of. How to reassure him that he will be ok in his mind if everything he knows is different?

OP posts:
Librarylu · 31/05/2012 08:23

If it was due to your husbands comment maybe just explain to him that "some things in the house can be dangerous, like kettles and stair etc etc, and daddy was just taking care of you because he loves you so much. Your a good and clever boy and you're not in any danger." I'd go with something like that. If he keeps talking about the dying bit, maybe take it a bit further, but maybe something like that might do the trick. Not trivialising his fear but explaining it from a safety angle?

Original poster
TheOneWithTheCrown · 31/05/2012 08:32

Thanks yes. I calmed him down by talking about how he's in no danger if he's good and doesn't mess because he's clever. I had no idea where it stemmed from.

He seems his normal self this morning. Dh says their conversation happened last week so he's obviously been mulling it over a bit.

I know I'm not explaining this very well sorry. I think it just shocked me a bit.

Thank you for your replies.

OP posts:
TheHouseOnTheCorner · 31/05/2012 10:15

I do think it's about heaven....or at least about leaving their home....dying seems final to them....like going away. They fear losing their parents more than anything....apart from pain maybe.

Original poster
TheOneWithTheCrown · 31/05/2012 10:36

You are right about losing parents. I also have no problem with explaining about heaven. Dd is 8 and seems to have a very strong faith. I don't but I'm happy and encouraging with her.
She found/finds a lot of comfort in the idea of heaven since she lost her great gran and her fish. Confused

It just took me by surprise because he's so young. I'm not sure it's common and I don't want to inadvertently worry him more. I think I will leave it now as he's not mentioned it but I'm sure it will come up again. He's very cuddly this morning.

OP posts:
TheHouseOnTheCorner · 01/06/2012 21:25

My DD is 4 (turned in March) and she has been saying "I dont want to grow up" and "I'm afraid of you dying" since about 3 and a half....it's not that unusual...some of them are deeper thinkers.

I keep it brisk..."Oh well yes but Heaven is very lovely you know and they say that you can have all of your favourite things and people with you...it's heaven! That's supposed to be where things are the most lovely they can be!"

Note that I don't make these statements as pure fact...that's because as they grow I think it is important to let them come to their own conclusions...I kind of believe in reincarnation and have also explained that...to my older DD anyway...she's 7 now and more open minded. I have also told her that some people think we simply go back to the earth and our spirits go somwhere else that we dont' know about...it's not easy...pets can help...they see death first hand. Death is as much a part of life as sex and having babies...it's just a bit more final!

Original poster
TheOneWithTheCrown · 01/06/2012 23:21

Thank you. It's nice to know others do it at that age too. I have gone with telling him about heaven and dd helped. She made it seem totally normal to him. You know like it just is.

He has mentioned it again but seems much happier now. As am I. :)

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page