Moving to a San Fran with toddler & new baby!

[Scarlett77]

Hi all,

I'm something of a lurker on this site but I'd really appreciate your words of wisdom on a plan that's developing. It's some way off yet but I'd really like to hear your thoughts. My DD is 3 in July and we're due a new baby at the end of the year. My husband would like to take advantage of my maternity leave and move out to San Francisco for 6 months or so next year (once the baby is a few months old) as it's where part of his office is based.

In theory, I'm up for the idea, but I am beginning to worry a little that it might be very destabilising for my DD who will be due to start school in September. At the moment she only goes to nursery 1 day a week and, although I'm thinking of upping it, I'm concerned that she might start school without a great deal of experience under her belt. Obviously there might well be a way of going to nursery in San Fran but I wondered if any of you had had any experience of this and the relative pros and cons of routine vs. family adventure!

Thanks so much!

PS. Also love to hear from any of you who have lived or know SF well. I've still never even been!

I'm well jell - I'd kill to move to San Francisco! Obviously I've no idea of what type of child your daughter is, but kids are generally (broadly speaking I realise) well able to take that kind of upheaval in their stride - it's the adults who suffer the stress and worry of uncertainty. As long as you're there as the centre of her world I'm sure she'll be fine. I lived in Canada for 6 months as a child and even though I was very young (5) I still remember it vividly as being one of the best experiences of my childhood. International travel is likely to make her more confident rather than less, and the more children she mixes with at a young age the more able she will become at making friends quickly...I'd say go for it!

Hello!
We did something similar a few years ago; went to the SF Bay area (Palo Alto) for 9 months when my DD was 2- 2.5 and I was pregnant with DS. It is an amazing part of the world, I was held back from really enjoying it by being pregnant and a bit lonely though if I'm really honest.
My dd went to a 'home daycare' which is equivalent to a childminder one day a week, to give me a break. We found that private nurseries were shockingly expensive-- however your dd will be 3.5 - 4 when you're thinking of going, yes? At this age a lot of kids go to preschools, from what I gathered while I was over there there are many of these and some are extremely popular with parents going to extraordinary lengths to get their kids in! I would suggest you try to research from here and see if you can get her name down for a place before you go. Not sure how expensive they are, but they usually are 1/2 day sessions.

We found that dd was pretty adaptable to going and coming back, I felt she missed her friends when we arrived but she soon made new ones. I would have thought your dd will be fine starting school when you get back, especially if you get her into a preschool- but even if you don't you will find lots of activities you could do with her to keep her busy and social. It will be an amazing experience for you all and much harder to do with older kids once they start school.

I'll try and answer more qs if you like- we didn't spend a lot of time in SF itself though.

We moved out here (Northern California, lived in SF for the first three months) at the beginning of the year with DS who was 3 months at the time and it has been great but our move is fairly permanent so it's been worth the upheaval. For a six month stint, it would be a lot of stress but SF is a fantastic city so maybe you would find it worth the stress. Anyway here are some pointers:

1. SF is not that baby friendly as it has very, very steep hills so you'll need a sling rather than stroller. It is also a very young city, lots of singles etc but if you pick the right area to live in you can get family friendly lifestyles too e.g. Noe Valley, Pacific Heights, Marina district (all quite pricey areas though, as in rent for a 2-bed apartment would be $3,000 per month and upwards)

1. Schools are competitive, even pre-school! So if you want to get your DD into a pre-school you'll need to start your research now. I think the majority of SF schools are private and quite expensive but you can find nanny-shares and home daycare as caughtintheact says.

1. There are lots of family-oriented things to do that would be great for your older DD. We didn't do so much of it as DS was too young but there are great science museums, children's museums, learning zones in art galleries etc. I'm really looking forward to when DS is the right age for those as there is so much.

1. People are very baby-friendly, especially in the areas of town mentioned above - helpful, so keen to smile at DS and comment on how cute he is, the guys on the cable cars always helped me on with my stroller (before I invested in a more robust sling that would do for days out). It depends where you go though - other areas are a bit 'hipster' so you do feel out of place with a baby.

1. Weather is better in general and there is so much to do outdoors - parks, nature, wine tours up north of SF. I was able to take DS to the park in the middle of February in SF and sit in the sun which was lovely. Local people said it was cold but for me 15 degrees+ feels pretty good! Also the food is fantastic - there are farmers markets everywhere, one in the Ferry Building that's pretty big and a local one in Noe Valley. Beaches are also nearby.

So in summary, the lifestyle here is really great, better than in Scotland where we moved from, I have to admit, but it IS expensive here and a competitive, stressful city for schools, daycare, everything. So do your research!

PS, can't stress enough how utterly dire the housing situation here is, especially if you're looking in family friendly areas. My husband's company paid for our apartment for 3 months which was great - it would have been $7,000 per month otherwise as it was three bedrooms in Pacific Heights. This is a wealthy city due to various tech and housing and financial booms!

If you can get your husband's company to pay or part-pay for an apartment for 6 months that would be the best deal.

There is local 'mumsnet' website called Golden Gate Mothers, which you might find useful. You have to pay to join though.

Hi all,
Just to say a massive thank you for your words of wisdom, that's all really good to know. We are hopeful that my husbands company will help us out with an apartment and we might not bother with preschool (although my sanity might not take it....)
Apologies for late reply, have been away with little wifi.
Xx

Ps v good advice re sling!

Hi Scarlett, we are two weeks away from moving to San Carlos, 30 mins south of San fran...

So I have to experience to share - but I can report back in a few months!

Slightly freaked out by the posts on here about lack of nursery places!! DD is going to be 3 in July and I was hoping getting her a lovely nursery was going to be the easy bit!

I would say definitely go for it as a move, the experience will be great for DD