Please help me get rid of the dummy!!!!

[angelicstar]

Hi Everyone

Firstly just a bit of background. DD is nearly 4. She's a good girl, generally happy, good sleeper etc BUT we just can't get rid of the bloody dummy and its driving me mad.

She only has it at nighttime - never in the day but it seems that she just can't sleep without it.

We've tried several times to get her to sleep without it but none have worked. Last night we tried her without it and she was still awake at 11pm and got so fretful and aggitated that in the end we gave it back to her.

I've tried talking to her about how she is a big girl now and we've chatted about what she could have to comfort her instead. She has several soft toys that she loves to hug but they just don't seem to have the same effect as the dummy.

We have also tried bribary/dummy fairy but she just says she doesn't want a present - just her dummy. And when I suggested we give her dummy away to a little baby who needed it more I got a look or horror.

So I feel I have 2 options:

1. Just be really hard, throw the dummy away and deal with her being awake later until she gets used to it - but this just feels so cruel! After all it is a comfort object to her and no one would dream of throwing away a child's teddy or blanket would they? Also what if she never gets used to it?

1. Keep on letting her have it at night. It doesn't really seem to be doing any harm - her speech is fine and teeth seem fine too. Maybe I should be child led and she will decide when she is ready to give it up - but then when will she give it up - never?!?!

If you have any advice or experience please let me know. I feel like I'm being a bad parent if I take it away....but then I also feel like I'm being a bad parent if I don't!

i wonder if you could use the pantley pull of technique like you do to stop a baby bfeeding to sleep, where you let them suck for a certain amoutn of time and then gradually reduce it so say 5 mins fora few nights then reduce it down by a minute or 30 seconds over a week or two?

tbh if she only has it at bedtime i would be inclined to leave it or you could try poking a small hole in it with a needle then it wont be so nice to suck? tho i am not sure that is recomended?

my first 3 bfed to sleep and gradually grew out of it, my ds4 is just 4 and sucks his thumb, but its only at bedtime really, occasionaly when watching tv or poorly.

does she suck it all night long or does it just fall out once she is asleep?

Thanks 5madthings.

Thats a good idea - I'll try the pull out technique, I remember reading about it a while ago.

She does suck it all night long which I know isn't good for her teeth but maybe if I do the pantley pull out when I go up to bed she might not wake for it in the night.

I think my gut instinct says that its not really doing that much harm if she just has it at night but then I feel society says I should get rid of it!

yes it may well work, its got to be worth a try. i think in the uk we are a bit obsessed with removing dummies and there are concerns with speech etc but if its only for night i would be inclined to try a gentle approach tbh.

Thanks - you have made me feel alot better about it!

I agree that there seems to be alot of pressure to remove them.

I definitely feel happier with a more gentle approach!

I cut a slit in the side of dd so she didnt have the suck satisfaction. After a few days she was no longer interested. She had hers day and night too and it was a big hassle

they do grow out of these things, ds4 also has a special blanket again just for bed and i wont be taking that off him anytime soon!

my dd is 17mths and has a dummy and her cuddly lamb, i cant imagine forcing her to stop, i may try the dummy fairy once she is old enough to understand but it will be a case of limiting it to bedtime and wil just see how she goes tbh.

but then i am a softy and co-sleep and wont do cc or cio etc! :)

ernestthebavarian ihave heard of that and said that, but then on mnet i was told that its dangerous and makes it a choking hazard? so was not sure if it was the thing to do anymore!

Watching with interest. My dd is almost 3 and a half and is very attached to her dummy. We've said the dummy fairy would bring her a bike but she won't budge.

I think you should follow option one. My DD stopped using her dummy at night at the age of 21m, it was not easy. For a good week she cried for it and she still sleeps late between 10pm and 11pm, she goes to bed at 830pm. With the dummy she used to fall alseep by 9pm. If I have another child, I'm not going to use dummies.

ds1 got to 3yrs and we went to stay with BIL then "accidently left it behind." BIL lived too far away to go back and fetch it and the idea of posting it back never occured to ds1. (I have kept it in his treasure box - looks a bit mankey now he's 18!) he cried that night so I slept with him in his bed. The next night bunny kept him company. Bunny stayed until he was about 6 or 7. Had no qualms about that.

Why does she need to give it up if it is only at night?

Let her have it, she won't still be using it as a teenager.

going to sleep that late isnt good tho, particularly for a 4yr old that will be starting school in sept i assume? she will need to be asleep in bed much earlier than that to get a good nights sleep before school.

and some parents dont like leaving little ones to cry it out, or cc etc,.

if the cutting a hole in the dummy ie poking it with a pin isnt an issue re choking (and i am not sure on the official advice) then that may be a way to get her less reliant on it or the pantley method is good but not a quick fix :)

here's a link to an article that might give you a different perspective in how taking it away is not cruel, but actually helpful to your daughter, good luck.

www.handinhandparenting.org/news/54/64/No-More-Thumb-No-More-Pacifier

they say to do it gently tho, interesting read. but i dont think thumb sucking makes my child passive or switch off unless he wants to be ie is tired or unwell.

we used the dummy fairy - told the dcs that the dummy fairy comes to children when she know they can manage without dummies, and harvests their dummies to give to babies.

We made a big thing of being excited about it rather than telling them with the expectation that they would be miffed, IYKWIM- and made it into a slightly over the top experience.

So, the dcs got a letter from the dummy fairy saying CONGRATULATIONS they were now grown up enough to be ok without a dummy and she would be coming to take it. We were also very firm that this just happens, the fairy comes - it is not an option to not give the dummy. At bedtime, we put the dummy in a box which we all took down to the shed at the end of the garden (as requested in the letter), after which we went upstairs to their room, which looks down on the garden. It was dark at that point and dh lit a sparkler in the garden (!) and when the dcs saw it they were convinced this was the fairy coming! the next morning, lo and behold there was a thank you gift and little note from the fairy in exchange for the dummy.

They both took a little longer (30 mins max) to get off to sleep but it was much much more painless than we had anticipated - before then any mention of taking dummy away was met with huge distress. dcs were both around 2-3 when we decided to go for it, and the main reason was that they were waking at night when they 'lost' it.

My DD had to pass her dummy on to a new born cousin. She was 3.2. Wasn't happy but it worked. She was having it all day long though. I would be inclined to say just bedtime use doesn't matter. Making sure she is getting enough sleep is the most important thing IMO.

I am firmly in the 'leave her alone with it' camp! My DS used a dummy to sleep until about 4.5 when suddenly he didn't bother one night and that was it, it gathered dust on the shelf for a while and is now firmly in the bin. I think until he was starting school and realized that he was now getting older etc it just hadn't occurred to him beforehand. A previous poster is right - there aren't any teenagers out there using one so the need for it will drop off at some point.

We did a similar thing to Spink - the dummy fairy wrote DS a letter and said which night she would be coming and explaining that he was now a big boy and she needed to give his dummies to little babies. The night arrived and he left his numerous dummies in a box on his bedroom floor. In the morning the dummies were gone and a present was in its place. He was 3 at the time and I was convinced he would retrieve the dummy from the box in the night but he just accepted it. It was amazing as he is bit of a determined so and so at the best of times!

I've also heard of people posting the dummies to the dummy fairy - no going back on that one!

bloody iphone - no, i didn't cut dd , but I did cut her dummy. Actually I read that tip here on MN, didn't read about the choking hazard, but honestly, I can't see any chance of that, there were no loose bits or anything, it just wasn't plump and sucky.

Just chuck the bloody thing!

We gave the dummies to father Christmas and had no trouble at all either on the Christmas eve or afterwards. They were 3 and 4 at the time. I think the excitement of Christmas and lots of presents made a big difference.

How did you use the dummy fairy method? My 2 and a half year old son got a letter "posted" to him through the door saying that the dummy fairy was going to visit soon as he was becoming a big boy, a few days later he got another letter "posted" through the door saying that the dummy fairy would be coming that night. He showed everyone his special glittery "letter" from the dummy fairy & was excited to leave his dummies put. We put them all in a special bag & he left her a picture & letter saying here are my dummies. There was a small wobble before he went to bed that night but managed it & was so happy when he woke up in the morning & there was a fireman Sam tent in the living room left for him with a note from the dummy fairy to say thanks. He has only mentioned his dummy since a couple of times and when I remind him about the dummy fairy taking them, giving them to the babies & leaving him his tent he soon forgets. Maybe a bit OTT for some people but worked for me. . Only problem now is that the stupid tent takes up more space than the dummies ever did!