Just confirmed my suspicions that DS, 10, has been taking money from my purse. Advice needed please

[LackaDAISYcal]

Apologies in advance, this turned out to be a bit of a saga!

've noticed over the last few weeks that I haven't had as much loose change in my purse as I thought, but put it down to me being a bit vacant. I know for sure that over the weekend I had four 50p pieces in amongst some little bits of shrapnel, but when I went to buy milk after the school run on Monday I only had the shrapnel left.
I have suspected DS of taking money from my other DC's piggy banks and taking any loose change he has found lying around. When he's been asked, he has always flatly denied anything, but I've found sweet wrappers in his pockets that I haven't bought, and random corner shop tat lying around. His explanations range from x gave it to me, I swapped my lunchboxes. biscuit for it, even once he found a pound on the way to school.

Anyway he denied knowledge of the misding 50ps, but my suspicions were still raised. I made it clear to him that If I found out he has been stealing from me he would be in a lot of trouble. He solemly promised it wasn't him and that he eoukd never do such a thing. This morning I asked him to turn out his pockets so I could make sure he didn't have any money, not really expecting him too, but &e had a £2 coin. I had put 2 of them on my chest of dtawers when I got in from work last night. A quick check and there was only one. He swears he got his one In his wallet (he has had no money in Itfor months) and has no idea where mine coukd have gone and that he didn't take It.

I had to send him off to school as he was going to be late, but clearly need to deal with him when he comes home. The taking of money is one thing, but what Is really getting to me is the blatant lying and denial. He has form for this in the past. And I'm also worrying that he may have bern Involved in/responsible for theft of some money from a classmate a few months ago.

dd1 is 12 and I give her £2 a week to spend at the school tuck shop (which is quite expensive - allegedly )

She used to take money quite openly from my purse as if there was absolutely nothing wrong with it "Just taking a pound mum! [blithe]" but I have told her to bloody well stop doing it as it is very annoying. At least she's honest I suppose.

Thanks for the advice. we have established that he felt left out when his friends had money and he didn't and he has repaid me an amount of money from his birthday last week.

we've talked about the wrong-ness if it and he appears to have taken it on board, and we've discussed him having regular pocket money to do with as he pleases, which will start after half term. We also discussed trust and how he has broken our trust in him and that he needs to helpvus to trust him again. I think he understands, and he knows that it's not the money per se, but the lying about it and denial that is a much bigger deal...

We mentioned police in a "if this was someone else they would be entitled to get the police involved" way. He understood that too. Lesson learnt I hope.

thanks

erm even then I wouldnt

well done

sounds like you have handled things well op, hope your ds keeps on track.

Another thing we do is have a jar by the door with some loose change in it. Anyone can help themselves to that- for parking, coffee on the station, if the ice cream man comes- all that sort of thing. Because it's a trust box, nobody abuses it, and everyone chucks any change they find lying about into it. Works well here.

that is a greaty idea seeker, my dd is 6 and she helps herself to loose change laying around all time partly to play with it and fill her purse, although its not stealing, I feel i should now be giving her the message its not ok to do this she isnt secreative about it but doesnt always ask, You have given me an idea to similar and she puts it in the box rather than her many puses laying around the house.

Ds is 6 and helped himself to some loose change in the car and promptly started dishing some of it out to his mate. It was only about 50 pence worth but I made them give me it back with a lecture on taking money without asking. Felt a bit mean but don't want him making a habit from it!

We have our "penny pig" and usually any loose change goes in there and is exchanged prior to holidays for the buying if ice-cream.

He went to the shop for me this evening, and earned the change. I want him to see that we want to trust him.

On the subject of pocket money, what is the going rate for a 10 year old these days?

have no idea, my exp gives dd £1 a week, but that goes in her money box and I probably buy her sweets a few days a week. but she is only 6.

maybe £2?? but for that I wouldn't be buying sweets etc.

my 10yo gets £2 a week but I don't buy sweets/magazines for her -she has to budget it

it's really hard because she plays at the park with her friends and the ice cream van goes every night
lots of her friends get money everyday but for 1 thing I couldn't afford it and for another thing how unhealthy is ice cream every day??

one way around that is having buiscuits and ice lollies at home and when he cant go to the shop, maybe he could say to a friend come round mine for a buiscuit or ice lolly, then he will be less worried about fitting in. he could say Im not spending my money today as Im saving for X.

My 11 year old gets £2 a week. But he can earn more, which he saves to buy Itunes vouchers.. I buy his weekly magazine, and pay for swimming at the weekend. He has a generous grandma who sends him the occasional tenner which goes to an annual Liverpool strip. His basic £2 goes on sweets.

We had thought £2 seemed a good amount, with more if he is helpful. He likes this idea too :)

daisy my 11yo ds gets a£5 per week...he is a great little saver and will put the money away till he can afford items for him bmx bike or ps3 or xbox 360 games...also once he has completed a game or gets bored with it, he will trade it in or sell it in a car boot sale......he fleeces me or his dad of around a pound a day for sweets/drinks/chips from chippie if he and his friends are building a den etc
i dont expect him to do any chores except keep his room tidy....

My DS is 9 and I have always punished him that he will get in more trouble for the lie than the actual event! I also made hime see that if he lied one day he would need to believe what he is telling and I wouldnt as I couldnt trust him! So if he was naughty and then lied about it he would lose the PS3 for a day for being naughty and an extra 2 days for lying to me!
I also made it clear that I dont accept liars and this isnt something I will tolerate and everytime he lies the puishment will get worse! to be the point he lied a few weks backs and I said next time I would wash hiw mouth out with soap (actually wasnt going but had received end of my teither that day!) and he come back in the front room with the washing up liquid and squirted it in his mouth as he said he felt so bad about lying to me he deserved it!!

LackaDAISYcal - DD is 10y (Y5) and gets £3.50 a week. It started at £1 when she was 5 and goe sup by 50p on each birthday.

Hi LackaDaisy, firstly I wanted to assure you that I went through a similar phase at a similar age - I remember swearing blind that I hadn't emptied my brother's piggy bank to spend 50p on a bumper pack of value Christmas cards. Again, it started off because, like your DS, my money was stored by my parents rather than in my hand and escalated when I realised I could get away with it. I turned out all right in the end!
My 11 year old gets £11 pound a month - has gone up each year by a pound but will be reassesed for secondary school. For that she does some chores and can earn extra for additional stuff.
Good luck with your DS but do watch out for the shoplifting phase which I also went through!

Shoplifting

I was talking to my sister today and she said that we used to do it too at the same age, then buy sweets, stash them down the back of the bed and have midnight feasts . I must have blanked it from my memory, but the apple obviously didn't fall far from the tree

zoeymlucas, we have made it very clear that the lying is worse than the act itself. Yet he continues to lie. He's done it today, making side comments to his younger siblings, then denying he said anything, or turning round what he says so it doesn't sound bad. Even though I have heard him. I give up, I really do :(