Toddler's destructive behaviour

[Twojacks]

Hi all. My son is 2.5 years old and generally wonderful. The one area of his behaviour which we are struggling to overcome is his destructive nature. His bedroom has no curtains or blinds - because he pulls them down (rails and all). He has no books out because although he loves them if he tears a bit of a book he will destroy them all. Any pictures on the wall get shredded as will any thing else he can reach. Other than his bed all that now remains in his room is a wardrobe and that is tied shut so that he cannot pull it over.

None of this destructive behaviour is done in temper but I wish I could give him a bedroom which he could play in.

Over the last year we have tried

• showing him that if he destroys things they are not replaced.
• the naughty step
• leaving the room empty
• putting books and pictures in
• putting him to bed later / earlier
• asking him not to destroy things - with consequences (such as not going somewhere the next day)
• explaining to him

He does not have a favourite toy that can be confiscated or any one activity that means so much to him that it makes a real difference to him.

Am I asking too much too early?

Any ideas would be appreciated.

Regards,
Stu

he might be interested in connection/disconnection

does he like snapping breadsticks or apple slices for eg?

Thanks. He does love making and "breaking" puzzles, lego and blocks - so you could be onto something. If he is interested on connection/disconnection can I funnel the behaviour in some way?

yep, hang on, I'll find you a link and give you some suggestions

quite dense prose but explains about 'schemas' and how children learn

I would carry on with puzzles, blocks, add in breadsticks, trains with magnets, threading with big buttons/chunky beads, he might well like 'scattering' too so stuff he can launch to skitter across the floor - again buttons, beanbags, scrunched up paper.

Any use?

Thanks for that. I think you have got his behaviour spot on. He loves to play with magnet trains as well as scattering things across the floor.

Thank you for the link - I've had a read through and again his behaviour fits strongly with connection.

I am more than happy try lots of related activities. I suppose my only question is how to stop his distruction in his bedroom - or maybe I shouldn't. He is my first child and my gut says that the destruction is a problem - but I may be looking at this all wrong :)

oh bless you, awww

about the destruction, it might also be tied up with attention; he cottons on that I wreck summat = MASSIVE payout attention-wise from my parents (clever wee thing, eh?) and so inadvertently you might be reinforcing?

I wouldn't do punishments tomorrow for something that happened today - the concept of time is really quite difficult to grasp at 2.5. Immediate sanctions, ie go home, stop activity, even you wandering orf to have a cup of tea and pretend to leaf through a mag might be more effective

Feel free to ignore, just throwing thoughts around

DD was a destroyer from about 8 months to I would say around 3 - very intense child and seemed to really enjoy tearing and pulling things.

I think it was just a character trait and she seems to have mostly grown out of it now - although she will still break things for the fun of it occasionally now and then say 'oh no mummy, It's brooooooooooooooken, waaaaaaaaaaah' (all in a fake kind of voice!).

I just thought all babies/ young children were like that until I had my son, who although interested in how things work is not interested in tearing, pulling and breaking particularly - different babies, different personality quirks I reckon.

Too young to play alone in a bedroom I'd say, around 6-7, untill then they generally want another body around pretty much all the darn time !

Definitely redirect into similar but acceptable activities - this worked well for us with biting / throwing. Make sure he can get at this sort of activity himself rather than waiting for you to get it out for him.

Thank you all for your advice and information.

I will continue to keep him occupied with new things (we do stuff every day (today was swimming and he is now making biscuits).

With a little luck he will grow out of it.

Cheers,
Stu
:)