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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

When do they understand no?

24 replies

funnylittlekaty · 28/05/2012 19:37

My lovely LO is 12 months old and has a really irritating inventive habit of dropping all food he doesn't want off the edge of his high chair. He takes it off us, and if it's something he has decided he doesn't want (changes on a day to day basis, likes to keep us on our toes) he just tosses it over the side of the highchair. I don't mind him not wanting certain things but I'd rather he just didn't take them,or left them on his tray rather than coating the floor with them. I've tried saying "no" when he does it but he's massively not arsed about that and I wonder if this is a "this too shall pass" or if I should persevere with the "No!" and hope it sinks in at some point. I wish I had a dog, then I wouldn't have to sweep up after every meal :o

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Tortington · 28/05/2012 19:37

never - they understand bribery

beela · 28/05/2012 20:12

DS is 19 months old and I am horribly familiar with the patch of floor under his highchair. Some of the mess is deliberate, but to be fair most of it is accidental. However, I am also considering getting a dog (I don't even like dogs) so that I don't have to grovel round on the floor 3 times a day clearing up all the dropped food. This week we have also had food throwing, so at least I am getting to grovel round on a different part of the floor! Anyway, my point was that he doesn't care when I tell him 'no' either.

When do they start to understand bribery?? And also, when do they start being tidier eaters?

TheGalliantLadyDidymus · 28/05/2012 20:14

Saying "No" is giving them a reaction. Sometimes it will turn into a game for them.

We had to use 2 different things for my dc because what worked for one didn't work for the other.

Don't say anything, pick the food up, throw in bin, carry on eating. Ds2 got very bored after a while and stopped.

With ds1, we showed him what to do if finished. So if I saw him about to do it, I would hold a spare plate out, ask him if he was finished and get him to put the food on the plate.

Eventually he just started leaving it on his own plate and handing it to me at the end of the meal.

But yes, this to shall pass, as long as you don't make it into a game for them.

CPtart · 28/05/2012 20:27

My DS are 9 and 7 and they still don't understand no!!!!!

mummytotwinsss · 28/05/2012 20:46

definately not at 12 months if my boys were anything to go by. sayimg no actually just made it worse at that age, i think distraction works best, just try to divert their attention to something else. I'm not sure if understanding no really kicked in much before 2 and i still have problems now they are nearly 3. (i have twin boys)

Sparklyboots · 29/05/2012 00:08

My DS is 17 mo and he understands that no is hilarious. I have had to stop myself from saying it for most 'no' type situations that repeat. I remember reading somewhere that at this age they start to realise that their will is different from your will and that is really interesting to them. I'm crossing my fingers that he investigates his academic subjects with such rigor in the future... but basically OP, understanding no might not really help - you'll probably just have to wait for the right age to arrive to affect anything here...

Graciescotland · 29/05/2012 00:15

DS 21 months understands no and uses it often enough whether he chooses to listen to it is a different story.

capecath · 29/05/2012 08:12

We tried similar tactics to theGalliant which seemed to work on our DS. He is not a fussy eater at all but when he'd had enough he'd start lobbing things overboard. Think the important thing is, if he does that he knows he's not getting it back and you're not making a big fuss (do tell him "no" though). Now at 21 months he hands us food he doesn't want and says "bin" - it's kinda cute :) We realised he understand "no" when he started shaking his head at us everytime we said it!! That was probably around 15 months but wouldn't be surprised if he understood it before then...

Tee2072 · 29/05/2012 08:20

When they have kids of their own.

Sparklingbrook · 29/05/2012 08:22

DS1 is 13 and I'm still waiting. Sorry.

Frontpaw · 29/05/2012 08:23

They understand it from very young. Whether they obey is another matter entirely.

startail · 29/05/2012 08:23

DD1 about 12

Her 11 to sister, never I suspect

bagelmonkey · 29/05/2012 08:24

DD is 16 months. She definitely understands 'No'. Sometimes she gets upset if we say no to her. Sometimes she decides to ignore it. She will often say no herself to show us what she doesn't want to do.

Hullygully · 29/05/2012 08:25

What frontpaw said

Get a large wipeable cloth to go under the high chair.

BillyBollyBandy · 29/05/2012 08:26

DD2 is 11 months and understands exactly what no means. She even shakes her pretty little head and says "nah".

However, knowing what it means and following the instruction are very diferent things. She will stop doing something if she feels like it. Maybe.

I would perserve though as one day he will listen, but then I think that it is confusing to let them do something and then one day suddenly say no and tell them they must stop doing it. Does that make any sense?

exoticfruits · 29/05/2012 08:28

I would say very early on - they just choose not to!

Frontpaw · 29/05/2012 08:28

They all drop food. My sister says that they are just exploring gravity (but she is a teacher). Sometimes it is just to get a reaction. Big mat - we went to JL and for a huge amount of plastic tablecloth material to put down. Now we use it as picnic mats, and chopped the end off for the garden table cover.

5madthings · 29/05/2012 08:36

they understand it from very early on the key is only to use it when you really need to for little toddlers tho, so throwing food of the highchair is just one to ignore tbh, they grow out of it, eventually! pick you battles! and yes put a mat on the floor or even better a few sheets of newspaper then after dinner it can get picked up and all just go straight in the bin :)

BabydollsMum · 29/05/2012 09:08

Mine (15mo DD) understands no but does it anyway to test me. She even goes over to the thing (say house plant) she's not allowed to touch, waggles her finger at it saying no, no, no, tugs at it anyway and then applauds herself. With food she'll dangle it over the edge waiting for a reaction too.

FredFredGeorge · 29/05/2012 09:14

DD has known NO from about 8 months, and does generally obey it to some extent when we use it, but I wouldn't use it much for dropping for food, I generally just shake my head as a lesser sort of no. and tell her, Eat. No would only be used if she was doing something risky when she tends to obey but immediately sulk.

I don't think she'd at all obey a NO if it was just for a variation on something she was allowed to do.

gourd · 29/05/2012 11:05

Think the instructions "On your plate" or "Give it o Mummy" etc work better than "No". They understand lots of words by 12 months of course but they cant say any of them. You will know just how much they understand when you say things like "Shall we go in and have tea?" and child immediately goes to kitchen or whatever... Getting them to do what you want is easier when you reward the behaviour you want with lots of cooing about what a good girl/boy they are and lots of "Thank you?s. Saying "No" just makes them giggle and throw more food so they can get you to shout "No" again! Eventually they?ll want to be like Mummy and Daddy and we don?t throw food... this is our theory anyway... Actually ours was very good from about 9 12 months till 18 months with us encouraging her to put unwanted food onto another plate, but at around 18 months the tantrums really kicked in so now food is occasionally thrown in anger, even though LO knows it is not really considered the done thing in our house!

Original poster

funnylittlekaty · 29/05/2012 22:12

Ah thanks everyone. Some of these are proper . I especially like when they have kids of their own! I'll try some of these...I like the idea of saying give that to mummy, but think I have to accept this one, buy some oilcloth and style it out!

OP posts:

BertieBotts · 29/05/2012 22:15

You have to teach/show them what it means, they don't instinctively know the meaning of words.

I also favour being more specific - it's easier for them to understand too :)

Tertius · 29/05/2012 22:20

I'd agree 8 months they start to understand... My dd started screaming then when her brother said no to her..... That'll be no, you can't have this and no, you can play with my Lego/car/paint/water

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