10mo taking temper tantrums and actually starting to think she hates me :\ AT WITS END!!

[lionsgorawr]

My 10mo DD has recently started taking what seems like temper tantrums when I try to put her in her pram, change her nappy or sometimes put her down for a nap. It's becoming really difficult and worrying as she screams as if someones hurting her and I'm actually terrified that my neighbors are going to think I am actually hurting her! Also lately, she's starting slapping me and screaming if I go near her. She's not like this with anyone else, just me. I may be over-reacting but it's as if she hates me.
Take today for example. She was absolutely shattered, she was rubbing her eyes a lot (which is the big sign for nap time!) so I went to go put her in her cot, when I was in the middle of placing her in, she started screaming and arching her back...She continued to scream for the next 15 minutes and nothing me or her father did would calm her down. Her father eventually her father managed to calm her down so I went over to her to pick her up. As soon as I went near her, she started screaming again. Maybe I was over reacting but I actually got quite upset myself as I didn't understand what I had done wrong and she's never normally like this with me. Especially since last week she was in hospital for two nights with tonsillitis and I was the one who stayed the two nights and never left her side.
I guess what I'm wanting to know is if anyone else has been through this with their children at a similar age and how did they manage to deal with it?

I'm sure your DD does not hate you. Sometimes children feel safe around their parents so they know that they can express their emotions fully.

I'm not sure I've ever met a child who doesn't start having issues with pushchairs, nappy changing and sleep time! This is normal and will change with time. Sometimes you'll feel like you have something cracked and then they develop again and you have to work out new solutions. We always think of it as two steps forward and one step back. If you expect this then it's sometimes easier to look at the bigger pcture and take a step back from the difficult situation.

Re. the slapping and screaming, I think you need to tell her calmly that hitting is not acceptable. Just out of interest, is it all the time or is it when she's trying to do something and you go to help? My DD is very independent and wanted to have a go at a lot of things by her selfeven though she wasn't capable of doing them yet. If we went over she would scream at us too. We did sometimes manage to work out a way to allow her to help herself and that did improve things.

The other thing I would consider is overtiredness. Sometimes when children are obviously tired and are put down for a nap they fight it (and you!). have you noticed any signs of tiredness that happen earlier and before the eye rubbing?? it may be helpful to put her down for a nap before this stage and see if it helps.

Hope you feel better soon.

Hi lions,
No great advice, but maybe put her down for sleeping a bit sooner? My DTs would sometimes get cross if they were overtired.

Hi! My ds started doing the same at 9 months , especially with nappy changes. You'd think I was trying to murder him! Also does the back arching , refusing to sleep thing. He's 12 months now and still doing it.....only me not with DH or nursery ( sigh).

I'm sure you know she does not hate you, really. Child psychologists generally say that when children show emotion to their parents, it is because they feel safe with them. So you have done things right rather than wrong and, well, you are rewarded with....screaming -- the joys of motherhood.
But if she spent two days at hospital, she is very likely experienced considerable stress. Also, even though you think that you were there to help her, she might associate you with the frightening experience.
But it is not going to last - she can heal herself very well if she is allowed to rage and cry in your arms (or your husbands). Research shows that tears that we shed when in pain, sad, upset and otherwise emotional, have considerable content of corticol, a stress hormone that is useful in response to stressful events immediately but has to be got rid of afterwards. When we stop children crying, we prevent this natural process from happening.
On the other hand, she is also reaching the age where you have to be increasingly creative in getting her to cooperate with you in all those tasks. I think I stopped trying to lie my boys down just at the same age switched to pull-ups and the nappy changing was made considerably easier if I just cleaned them whilst they were standing. Putting in the pram etc well, maybe get a hipseat or sling and carry her some of the time?
As of your neighbours - well, if they are bothered, could you explain to them she has reached the age where she makes her views known? :) I know, neighbours are always trouble...
Good luck
M

Hi. My dd is exactly the same with nappy changes, being placed in her cot and her pushchair. Also even being placed on the floor to play with her toys sometimes! I have the same concerns about my neighbours as when she screams if you couldn't see her you would think she was being hurt. Good to know that some other babies do the same!

My dd can be quite calm with my husband but as soon as she sees me can start crying, but this is just because she wants me to pick her up, she knows my husband won't give in but I will (cunning!). I get blamed for this behaviour (I don't blame myself)! Some days she is worse than others.

Good luck with it.

:S cortisol of course, sorry about a message full of silly mistakes. Vow to start using "preview message" more (and to brush up my English grammar... sometime in the future..)...
I'll add a link to an article which might be worth looking at: www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-2149060/Babies-left-unhappy-hours-stress-hormone-remains-high.html

I agree with those saying it'll improve as she recovers from her hospital experience and illness - my dd always has a far shorter fuse than normal after being ill and much more tantrum-prone then, and she's never had anything as bad as tonsillitis. It will be a phase that will pass, try not to worry too much, just give her time and do whatever seems to help her. Sympathies though, it is horrible when you can't console them isn't it. Dd's first inconsolable tantrum made me cry too!

In the meantime, practical things that have helped us with pushchair, nappy etc... in case any of them work for you, they may not!

Nappy - give her the baby wipes to hold (some get pulled out but that's a small price I reckon), or some other fascinating item, action song on her back or pulling her round the floor on the changing mat before taking the nappy off to put her in a good mood.

Pushchair - giving my dd something interesting to hold before trying to make the transition sometimes works (I do this for the car seat sometimes too). If she's in a pushchair hating phase we do use a sling though, on my back, which she loves.

Thanks everyone!
Giving her the baby wipes whilst changing her do seem to work...Most of the time. I think it seems to just be the fact that she hates being still right now, she's learning to walk so doesn't really want to stay still and lying on her back seems to be the last thing she wants to do! She also seems to be understanding the word no now, although sometimes she just looks at you as if you're speaking a different language and carries on waht she's doing lol. Thanks very much for the advice though.
As for the neighbor thing, I was mainly concerned about the one neighbor as she's a moany old hag who moans about the slightest of things. My other neighbor has four girls who she cares for herself so I don't imagine there's going to be any issue there with her!
Thanks everyone!