8wo DS2 cries for an hour each night. Is this normal? What can I do?

[Anonymousse]

Since he was approx 2wo, DS2 has cried for approx 1 hour each night before dropping off. In the early days I used to carry him round or sling him each evening to prevent the crying but as a single parent who needs to put DS1 to bed/cook/clean/eat/make packed lunch/shower it was just not practical so I'm trying to do the whole controlled crying thing although I'm not keen on it. I'm not even sure I'm doing it right - I settle every 1 min then 2, 3, 4, 5. Settling usually means picking him up as he just won't stop crying on his own even with dummy (he doesn't suck, just cries through it), stroking, rocking, shushing. I've been doing the CC for approx 4 wks now and he doesn't settle any quicker than when I started!

I thought initially it was overtiredness making him cry as he'd often ping awake in the night with a real panicky cry. He's rubbish at napping in the day so I'm really trying to get him to nap more, which usually means putting him in the sling else he pings awake after 30 mins screaming. Even if he gets a good 3 hours nap in the day plus a couple of shorter ones we still get the hysterical crying each night

I've also tried limiting time with DS1 incase he's overstimulated (DS1 at school all day though).

Another weird thing is that he only stays awake for brief periods in the day, from 20 mins to 1 hour 50 max else it's overtiredness meltdown. Is this normal? Maybe I've just forgotten how much babies sleep

My gut feeling is there's no underlying problem eg: reflux/colic, but I just don't remember DS1 being anywhere near this difficult to settle at night. Sorry if this is a bit confused. I am sleep deprived and have no-one to bounce off about this in real life. I just wonder if I'm missing something obvious or doing something really wrong and could do with someone leading me through the fog.

Hello!

I think this is actually really normal for a baby so little - not sure cc is designed to be used on babies less than one year.

There is so much going on growth spurty and developmentally - I think he may just want to keep snuggled up with you. I think babies do cluster feed in the evenings too especially around growth spurts (google baby growth spurts and you should get a rough idea of when they hit)

Argh - it's so very hard isn't it??

I have a 3 and a half year old and a 10 mo. My dh works a lot of evenings so I get the 'pleasure' of doing bedtimes alone...It has been much better since I can bathe the 2 together. I carry ds2 around (or he follows!) through ds1's routine and then I feed ds2 to sleep and when he's gone I transfer him to a folded up duvet on the floor. He wakes every hour or so and I settle him back and then take him with me to bed at about 11pm.

I think some babies are just more chilled - ds1 was harder than ds2 but he is still clingy!

All the best x

It must be really tricky to deal with two kids and sleep dep on your own, but I do think that 8 weeks is far too young for controlled crying. He's tiny and needs you close. If I were you I would give that up for a bit - it's not working anyway.

Totally normal for small babies to only be awake for very short periods in the day. don't worry about that.

Also normal for babies to cry a lot in the evening - an hour, while hard to bear, is not so long as it goes. Almost everyone I know with babies (apart from those with extremely placid ones) has had the screaming in the evening thing.

Hope things get easier for you soon :(

DS was like this, DD wasn't. I think it is quite normal unfortunately; sorry for you it came second time round. It shouldn't last much beyond the much-quoted 12 week mark; if it does I'd say investigate more (unless of course there are other things happening in the meantime to suggest things like reflux).

You could have a go at tweaking his diet; avoid brassicas etc if BF consider switching formulas if FF.

Oh god you're right. I've just googled, he's far to young for CC isn't he

Thank you for being kind to me and saying it gently and for your other supportive comments, I appreciate it a lot.

He won't feed to sleep, just too overtired/overwrought/overstimulated/clingy/whatever the heck it is. I put him down sleepy then his eyes open wide and he starts the sad face then cries.

What am I to do please?? Accept the crying? (surely that's worse than CC) or what is the alternative? Surely if I put him in the sling to sleep of an evening he'll expect that at night too? Should I cuddle/carry him round the house til in a deep sleep then try to transfer him? What if he pings awake again when I transfer him? I can't co sleep I just am not up for that, I'm a real believer in each to their own beds.

EmmaCate thank you for mentioning 12 weeks, if there is a light at the end of the tunnel then that's great. TBH I have been feeling a bit trapped and panicky about this situation because I can't see a resolution

(I am BF and don't eat a lot of Brassicas, also I do always offer the breast when he cries incase it is hunger but he rarely takes it unless he's been crying an hour or so)

He's tiny, I would just cuddle him if that's what he needs. An 8 week old can't learn or expect anything and won't be forming bad habits.

I think we pretty much cuddled/ jogged/ soothed Ds for months and months between 6pm and 11pm tbh. If he's just fussing for an hour, this is all pretty normal stuff, and I would just rearrange the other activities so that it is as least stressful as possible. Other than putting ds1 to bed, the rest of the stuff can be done earlier or later?

Small babies can be completely draining. But I would roll with it as far as possible, tbh. He's v tiny.

I would also say just cuddle and basically what Rubirosa said!

But you could also try posting this on the sleep thread - you never know someone might have a good plan you could try...?

It's wearing, isn't it?
As a matter of interest, what time are you trying to put him down? Some babies that age like to stay up till 10 or 11 or so feeding, being held, watching TV, sitting on your lap while you MN, being walked round the garden etc etc. Both my DDs did this, then at about 12 weeks bedtime gradually came forward to between 7 and 8pm.
Just wondering if your DS' natural rhythm is to stay up a bit longer with you, having lots of cuddles once your eldest is despatched into bed. It won't be forever- 8 weeks still is very new to the world. Anyways, just a thunk.

As an update I cuddled/carried him from 7-8 last night and then gave him another feed after which he settled fine. Thank you so much for the help

helium he's defnitely shattered by 6.30-7, not a night owl

Yay! Yes after my post I agreed with everyone saying 'cuddle' - we had to pass the baby while taking turns to eat dinner. Apologies if it's been said but sometimes babies can be crap in the evening because they are overtired... so contrary to what you might think, putting him down to sleep in the day might actually help.

I think my sis had that with her DS; once day naps were sorted nights became much easier. A lot of people say blackout blinds for day naps but my HV said not - I went with her and my DC's arcadian rhythm was quite quickly established.