17 mo old terror

[mummytasha11]

Hi everyone

Feel like such a bad mum for even posting this but my 17 mo old ds is becoming a terror
He is scratching and biting me and dp. We say a firm no and ignore him but he carries on doing it I think he thinks it's a game because sometimes he will laugh and keep coming back to do it

Anytime we move him away from something he should be doing or take something off him he shouldnt have he wails and kicks his feet and has recently been throwing himself to the ground and wailing.... I don't even know what to do when this happens

Any advice or tips and please tell me it's a phase :(

When my DD was that age (maybe a bit older actually), she used to throw herself to the ground and have a God almighty tantrum. I only did it a couple of times, as I only needed to, but I threw myself on the floor next to her and had a paddy too. I'll never forget the first time I did it, it stopped her in her tracks, she sat bolt upright and just stared at me like I had completely lost it.

I was only brave enough to do it at home though, not in Tesco...

My son is exactly the same age and reacts the same so your not the only one! Sorry I have no answers but if u get any please let me no!

Can I just ask ? what do you do at the moment when he starts kicking, wailing and throwing himself on the floor etc?

We have been just walking away and trying to ignore him - not really sure what else we can do?

My DS is almost 17mo and is starting to do the same - I think it's just a sympton of their age and the fact that they can't communicate as well as they would like to, coupled with starting to test the boundaries. I try to deal with it by making as little fuss as possible and trying to distract with something else to ward off the full blown tantrums. I have felt that I've been saying no a lot lately though!

My DD is exactly 17mo and she's a pro when she wants to be at this sort of behaviour! The dramatic throwing herself to the floor and yesterday (took all our strength to not burst out laughing at her) she threw a 'text book' tantrum and went running up to the TV when DH changed channels bashed it and ohhh the face on her..proper little pout.

We are just trying as others have said to not get angry, issue firm instructions it's not what she should be doing and try either to distract or let it 'blow over' I've noticed the more attention she gets the more she'll react. I know before I've read about turning into something funny too to diffuse the situation.

I'm probably wrong doing this but sorry if on busy tube train or something and she wants to get out of pushchair and starts 'kicking off' amazing what the offer of a box of raisins or an Ellas fruit pouch can do - I've seen the wails stop with unbelievable immediate effect and an OK! Uttered as if butter wouldn't melt in her mouth reaction.

Re: biting and scratching: firm no, holding the hand firmly but gently, showing to play nicely, pat or stroke mummy instead. Ours occasionally tries to scratch and hit, and probably did it more a few months ago (he is 23 mo now) but being consistent with the no and showing the accepted alternative has by now paid off. I also showed him sad face and told him it hurts and that I am now sad.

In addition, might be worthwhile thinking about tantruming as a way to express strong feelings. These are best not ignored but seen as an opprtunity to connect with the child. Mine tends to throw himself down, I then usually sit by him(without making a big thing of it, simply quietly sitting next to him) and let him know he is welcome to come to my lap to complain (often he does not want to until he has shown how upset he is). Sometimes picking him up and holding him whilst he cries works, mostly, it takes time for him to come to me. Once he has warmed to the fact that there is a sympathetic listener, he will come to my lap, sometimes complains or cries a little more (or longer, if his frustration is really great) and we are all happy without any tear to our relationship or to his trust in me as a source of security and understanding. Of course occasionally things do not work and I am too impatient to listen to him and accept his crying - but it works vastly better than ignoring, walking away or using any punishment (including naughty step). And knowing that children need to cry and show their emotions has helped me to take it so much more lightly than I did with DS1 - I then always felt I had to solve the problem to stop the tantrum (the problem at hand as well as the problem of having a disobedient child). Now it is all about accepting it without thinking I need a solution. Listening and accepting IS the solution, nothing else needed. Children often find ridiculous reasons to let their feelings loose. ONly recognising that it is the feelings that need to be heard and accepted (not the broken cookie mended) lets us, parents, come through it with a smile on our face. Or at least this has been the case for me and my two children.
I hope it helps :)

I feel your pain as my DS sounds very similar (he is almost 18mo).

We get the biting and scratching too. We say no, that hurts mummy/daddy and makes mummy/daddy sad, and tell him to be gentle. We then take his hand and stroke our arms, and stroke him. If this doesn't work, we say it again, and then we say if you bite/scratch us again, you have to go in your playpen. And then if it happens again, he gets put in the playpen and we ignore him for a minute or so while he rages at us.

With the frustrated tantrum stuff, we try to explain to him why e.g. you can't play with oven because it's hot and you might get hurt. Then we tend to just let him get it out of his system and have some cuddles when he calms down.