My 3yr keeps biting. Please help!

[Mandy22]

Hi there,

I'm having a slight situation with my 3yr old son, in that he tends to bite (I think out of frustration) and my technique doesn't seem to stop him!

He doesn't bite many people, only myself and his Cousin who is also a 3 yr old boy. With me he bites when play fighting (jumping up and down/tickling/general light-hearted play fighting) and it tends to be when he is overwhelmed. I wouldn't say this is out of anger, more excitement. He will squeeze me tightly and then I'll feel a nip.

However, with his cousin, the bites are just terrible and I can see the sheer horror on my sister in-law's face. His cousin is a boys boy, quite boisterous and loves to wrestle and play fight, however, my son is a little more cautious and doesn't like to wrestle and immediately will push his cousin away or lash out a little. I understand it is frustrating for my son as he does try to say ?leave me alone?, (or scream out) which is great, but as his cousin like him is young he doesn't understand 'leave me alone' and will continue to play, which is when my son will lash out with a bite. Just yesterday my sister in-law watched my son for the day (a massive favour for me!) and when I returned to pick him up I found a massive bite mark on my nephew, the worst I've ever seen.

When he bites I am quick to say 'NO' we don't bite and I do use the 'time out/naught step' method. I also do a lot of explaining as to why biting is bad and it hurts people and makes them feel sad etc. I am also on edge whenever he and his cousin get a little boisterous and I am quick to remove him from any situations I can see coming. However, to date it hasn't made any impact or stopped him from doing it.

He doesn't bite any other children, but he and his cousin are extremely close so this makes me think he is aware biting is wrong and can refrain when with children he is not close to. (Not sure if that is a good or a bad thing!).

I know there won't be any quick fixes, but I can't see what else I can do! It breaks my heart to see the bite marks and I would hate for people to think my son is a mean little boy, but I think the only mum's that can understand how difficult it is to stop them biting are other mums with the same issue.

Appreciate any help.
Thanks

My little boy started biting when he was about 9/10 months and continued until he was 6! Even now he still threatens when he's angry, he's now 8.

You're doing all the right things, removing him from situations, telling him no, and time out. Nothing will make you feel better about the situation other than talking to your SIL. Who must think you are at least acting on the issue other wise she wouldn't have agreed to look after your DS would she.

MY DS only ever bit one other child (multiple times, so much so the other mother told me I was a bad parent and clearly not doing my job as a mum) and myself, though his bites were always out of anger and frustration, and he still has issues expressing himself now. You ARE doing all the right things and you just have to ride it out I'm afraid.

My DD1 was a biter at around age 2 - 3 and my DS (who is currently 3) is also known to bite a bit. DD2 didn't bite but was known for some nasty pinching at that age. It is generally a frustration thing - e.g. DS will bite one of his sisters (he's never bitten anyone other than his sisters) when they are winding him up, they are bigger than him, he is frustrated and angry and bites.

Touch wood I think we have just about cracked it now with DS. You have to be very consistent I think, basically just what you are doing - I followed same method with DD1 and DS for biting and DD2 for her pinching. Immediately pick up and remove from the situation. If at home I would put DS in his room for a couple of minutes, if out I would simply hold him on my lap, physically restraining him from returning to playing. I really wouldn't bother with too much explaining about it being bad or wrong or hurting people. They get bored, tune out and anyway don't really rationalise that much. A simple strong 'NO we do not bite' and physical removal is usually enough of a shock and v annoying for them in the middle of doing something else.

It is hard for people whose children don't bite to understand the true awfulness of having a biter and how bad it makes you feel. I will never forget one day when DD1 had just started pre school (aged a bit over two and a half) I arrived to pick her up and was told 'there's been a bit of a biting incident' my heart sank, I felt like crying and then joy of joys I was told that my poor DD1 was the one who had been bitten - I think the teacher thought I was completely mad as I broke into happy smiles and practically danced around the room I was so relieved!

DS (2.9) has started lashing out with his fingernails when cross. We are doing the firm no, removal, apology etc but as yet it doesn't seem to be having any lasting impact . Do we just have to wait til they outgrow it?