DS 3.10 still having accidents 15 months after potty training

[CaesarSaladNoDressing]

DS was fairly easily potty trained at 2.7 months. He has weed in his pants probably once every 2/3 weeks since then.

I haven't got too stressed about it as he doesn't do full wees just a little then rushes off to the loo. He sometimes needs reminding, does the needing a wee 'dance' and I send him off to the loo.

But over the last couple of months it seems to be getting worse, he has 3 times fully emptied his bladder at the CMs while sat at the table for lunch after refusing to go to the toilet and it has happened a few times with DH. He hardly ever does it with me but I think I am more forceful, insisting he goes for a wee when I know he needs one and before we leave the house etc..

But today he has pooed in his pants at the CMs just before pick up. She couldn't change him as he had also wet himself earlier on.

I was so shocked because despite all the accidents with wees he has not pooed in his pants since the first week of potty training 15 months ago!!

He is not ill but was really distressed about it, crying and saying to CM "Mummy will be cross"

Feeling awful about it, he obviously is anxious about my reaction?

I have hastily drawn up at reward chart tonight but any other suggestions?

He is still in nappies at night and is starting school in September. Has to be sorted by then.

Thank you

My DD went through the same. At about the same time of year (with regards starting school in Sept). It took me a long time to realise she was (probably unwittingly?) nervous about starting 'big school'.

When I stumbled upon that idea, I changed my attitude and reaction totally. I was very nonchalent when she had an accident (all wees I think), told her she was to go and change her knickers, pop the wet ones in the wash basket and then we just got on with life. I also made a real point of telling her I was confident that she'd get the hang of it properly soon and I told her she could have a few spare pairs of knickers in her school bag so that she could change them if she had an accident at school without having to tell anybody.

She became dry very soon after starting school. She has had one or two accidents since September, but is also now dry at night (also got it sorted a couple of weeks after starting school).

Ah, yes, I think the key is your reaction- you have hastily drawn up the chart due to one (soiling) accident and also you keep reminding him to go (for wees). You are anxious about it!

I think it's time to stop reminding him and let him take full responsibility. This of course will probably result in a few more accidents initially, but then he should get it and get it completely. It's tricky but you have to let go- ie not remind him even when you see the "wee dance". Maybe have a chat with him first so he knows too that you're not going to remind him anymore. Then you have to chill out and take accidents in your stride- rather like potty training initially.

Good luck!

Thank you both for response.

I think, on reflection of today's events, I am going to follow the 'hands off' approach that you have both suggested but keep the reward chart as he responded brilliantly to the it today.
I haven't just made it about toilet use but included a few other things like eating well at the table, which he does really well, and being kind etc.. so he can get stickers easily.

So we did the chart after tea, no accidents all day and behaved really well, gave lots of praise etc... DH then took him to the shop and when he got back he said he needed to go to the toilet, didn't make it and then wet himself at the top of the stairs As he was wearing shorts it went all over the place.

Cue hysterical reaction and saying he didn't like weeing!!

I stayed really calm and just talked to him about it but from now on I am going to be low key and try to let him take the lead.

I will find this hard am a bit controlling

But thank you again...I need that luck!!!

If it's any consolation, I've found potty-training the absolute hardest thing about bringing up my children so far! :)

Snap!! I could of wrote that post! I even checked to make sure I hadn't ds was 2.11 and now is 4.10 and our last accident was a month ago. No idea what solved it / if it has been solved or if it'll come back in a few month....again

Well almost managed it!!

We were just about to start our story at bedtime and DS was just in a nappy (v hot in his room tonight!) and he was wiggling about and I said

"DS do you need....something?"

Stopped myself saying "a wee" just in time! He said he needed the toilet and took himself off.

Must try harder tomorrow!

Thanks again x

Well done!