Should I be worried about my nearly 4 yr old DS?

[SydneyB]

In short, he seems to be a very anxious little boy. Hates change. Hates things not going his way or not going the way he thinks they're going to go. Is very neurotic about people he doesn't know. Can get in a total flap about things like having sun cream applied or putting a new pair of shoes on. Can get in massive tempers over tiny little things and can take ages to calm down. Apart from that, he's very affectionate, talks all the time, and when he's not in an anxious state about something, is a cheerful little thing. I'm not sure what I'm asking here really! Does anyone else have an anxious DS? And if so, did they calm down a little with age?

Sounds just like mine!
Needing to know what is going on and trying to understand routines is a big thing atm, so explaining what we're going to do on what order helps.

Suppose it depends on the severity of the tantrums etc.

I think the tantrums are lessening, in length at least, with age. Sometimes I give him choices - like do you want these shoes or these shoes and sometimes that helps but other times the choice seems to overwhelm him and he loses it.

Does he go to preschool/nursery?? If so is he able to make friends and play cooperatively with other children.??

Yes he does and he has a few friends there, although his best best friend has just moved away which he's finding hard.

Bless him. It is hard for them when they have a friend and then lose them.

There is a book you might find interesting called "The highly sensitive child" I havent read it but loads of people on here recommend it.

Good luck

Sounds very like my ds, also nearly 4. I in fact don't usually give him lots of warning about transitions because he gets so anxious about when exactly it will happen that we can spend hours beforehand reassuring him. I found the spirited child book described him very well. Still worry about him though, particularly how he will cope with school.

Thanks both for those book recommendations. Yes, it's a balance between preparing him for things and not giving him too much time to worry about them. He hates surprises. DS starts at school nursery in Sept and I'm not sure when to tell him he's leaving his preschool. I guess the summer holidays give a natural break anyway but it took him months to settle into preschool and I'm not relishing it again!

Try "Raising Your Spirited Child" - ignore the eager Americanisms and do the activities - our friends found it very helpful for their very sensitive child who couldn't cope with crowds, new socks, scratchy jumpers, etc. We found it useful for dealing with meltdowns in the youngest, and anxiety in the oldest - the book also helped us understand why our own buttons were being pushed, and helped us to understand how to manage our feelings, too. Can't recommend this enough.

Would second the Highly Sensitive Child recommendation. DS1 was highly anxious when younger, scared of grass, hair dryer, worried about everything. He is now almost 8 and is very happy, lots of friends etc. TBH, your DS sounds like he may just be very bright. I know it's hard, but just try to take a deep breath - he is very young and they do change a lot as they get older.

In terms of the suncream/shoes stuff, maybe look into Sensory Processing Disorder - my friend's daughter had this, couldn't cope with scratchy socks, labels in clothes etc.