That old chestnut...toddler refusing food

[smellsofsick]

Think I'm just after a bit of reassurance really. DD, 17 months, is refusing lunch and dinner and if she had her way would survive entirely on yoghurt and banana, with the odd grape and bit of toast thrown in.

We have the tears and total meltdown every meal time and I can't persuade her to eat even her favourites.

I think my main question is: after I take her main meal away (of course with no fuss or emotional drama, yeah right) do you think I should continue to give her a yoghurt and fruit? She would normally have this after lunch/dinner anyway.

I'm obviously concerned that it may be teeth. She's at that age and is very cuddly at the mo, or it may be that she's not feeling that well. I just don't want to get into a habit. She was eating really well.

I'm panicking, I know. I just worry about her and am highly hormonal thanks to being pregnant with DC2!

Yes, I would still give her yoghurt and fruit. If you make them eat savoury before they get sweet they can start to perceive eating savoury as a task which earns a reward. You don't want your child to see eating anything as a way to get a reward or to see dessert as a reward.

I would place the food in front of her while everyone else is eating. Ignore any negative behaviour as you said, don't be tempted to persuade her to eat in even the slightest way, then take it away with the other plates and move on to the next course all together.

Hopefully she will soon get bored of sitting waiting for everyone else to get to the bit she wants, realise that not eating it doesn't get her any attention and start picking at her savoury. If she plays with it ignore that too because it's a good way for children to familiarise themselves with the textures of food before it goes in their mouth which is a much more intense experience.

The only habit you need to worry about is the one of using eating as control. You're doing the right things to avoid that so keep that relaxed mask on and stick it out.

I hope it's better before your DC2 comes along.

Thanks tim. Hopefully whatever's bugging her will sort itself out over the next few days and we'll get back to whatever counts as normal with a toddler. I find this eating stuff really stressful

My DS is the same age and goes through this from time to time. I'm never sure but I think it's often teething related. Most recent example was at the weekend when he refused his (warm) main course and kept pointing to the cupboard where snacks are kept. I ended up giving him an oat bar followed by a yoghurt just so that he ate something, but also gave him some nurofen as I had an inkling that something wasn't right. Sure enough, 10 minutes later he happily polished off the full bowl of original food on top of everything else.

chill, I am an inclusion manager and see loads of parents who have stressed about this at a young age, the child thinks hey what a great way to wind mum up and they then use there eating to control the parents. So act like you are not bothered they will get fed up of it and it will sort itself out. Much harder to crack later on if you let them use it to control!

I would give her yoghurt and fruit but not straight after lunch/tea. I agree with the reward point above but unless they are still hungry after the main meal then why do they need more food? They are canny at that age and if they prefer banana and its coming next will wait.

So I would just remove without comment, lunch over.

This is the approach I took with DD1 she learnt pretty fast that savoury was it.

I can see where brettgirl is coming from in terms of a child refusing the savoury and waiting for the sweet.

I wouldn't withhold a dessert/yoghurt/fruit just because the savoury wasn't eaten because that can be seen as a punishment and is therefore engaging in the 'trying to persuade the child to eat' battle. Some children could become even more determined not to eat the savoury and take the food battle to a new level.

What I might do instead is just stop having dessert of any sort at any meal for a while and offer fruit as a mid-morning or mid-afternoon snack instead. That way the child doesn't have a reason to wait for something sweet and receiving one isn't contingent on eating the other.