is 22 months old enough to understand naughty step etc?

[time4tea]

my ds 22 months is great apart from throwing food at mealtimes. We've been trying the Steve Biddulph tip about explaining why this is a bad thing in a "thinking corner", as well as saying no firmly and quietly at eye level. DS persists in describing this behaviour as "cheeky monkey" or "silly sausage" and finding it funny. I was wondering if developmentally a child this age is up to understanding the concepts involved in naughty step etc? I'm glad to persevere if so, but don't want to confuse him/make him frustrated with something that is entirely beyond him. Throwing food really lights my fuse - although I try to keep my sense of tension under control to not inflame the situation.

I have a 3.5 year old and 23month old and i have always explained what they have done wrong and why. People say that they are to young to understand but if you don't start from the very first where do you start? To me they soon learn, my 23month old is doing the same thing got gravey marks up the wallnot sure if this is any help.

stop explaining

say No throwing forcefully

if done again put him on the floor and ignore him for 2 minutes (no speaking / no eye contact) then pick him up and put him back at the table to finish it

if he does it again, do it again

keep doing it .. do not react any other way

actually .. say 'No' not 'No throwing' because he'll probably not get the clause but will totally understand the single negative

My 20 month old son throws food too! Is very well behaved in every other way but has done this for months now

Here is something that worked for me but you do have to praise loads though when he is good

I would much rather do this 'praise the good ignore the bad' than actually tell him off which I don't think gets you anywhere as to them it's still some form of attention, but would tell him off if it was something really bad or dangerous. Agree to explaining 'why' as well but in a friendly way

here's the link......... actually I'll have to copy and paste.... here it is anyway...HTH

How can I keep my 19-month-old from throwing food? When he does it repeatedly and in defiance, I usually take away his dinner and tell him he will not get anything to eat while he throws food.
A: It sounds like you're both misinterpreting his behaviour and unintentionally reinforcing it. All children this age play with their food; it's one of the ways they discover how the world works. It's not an act of defiance. It sounds like you're paying extra attention to your son when he throws food. Remember that even shouting at him can reinforce his behaviour because it's a way he can predictably get your attention. This leads to the two-step answer to your problem: first, pay lots of attention to your son when he's eating his food without throwing it. Tell him what a good boy he is and how big he's getting. If he throws food, make a simple statement: "We don't throw food". Then ignore him for 15 seconds. He'll quickly learn that he gets more attention by eating without throwing. - Lawrence Kutner, PhD, clinical psychologist

like twiglett says. explaining why will confuse them.

have not yet put my 22 month old on the naughty step though I use it for her sisters. she seeems a tiny bit young still - though some 22 month olds are a bit more verbal than her, they might be ok.

when she throws food i just take it away. say "Don't throw food". and she doesn't get it back. it works well, I did it with my others. if they never get the food back they do usually really quickly stop throwing it.

hmm to Lawrence Kutner PhD. guess he doesn't have several other small children to be also focusing on at mealtimes. don't personally have time to sit and attend and praise each one individually for every time they do something right.

DD is 21 months and if I tell her to sit on the naughty step she thinks it's wonderful to get away from her sister.
She has even started to sit on it to have snacks.

This is a question I have asked myself - I haven't done time out/naughty step with my dd yet (who is 22 months today! I have just realised). I don't think she would really understand. It's good advice not to try to explain too much though. I think I try and reason with dd sometimes when I should just be clear and firm.

My dd is 21 months and I have used the equivalent of the naughty step (standing in the hall by the front door) for a couple of months now. I have used it for extreme no-no behaviour only (which was biting initially but now is hitting me - my, doesn't she sound a delightful girl!).
I wouldn't use it for throwing food as that doesn't particularly wind me up, and I want to keep this discipline method as the nuclear option, but it DID work with biting and seems to be working with hitting. She doesn't always go out there, only if she hits me again after I have already said 'no', but she definitely understands what is going on and doesn't like it.

If throwing food is the worst thing he does wrong and it is a big no-no for you, then when he does it make it clear in really simple language what he has done wrong, put him there for a short time, go back and tell him again what he did wrong, cuddle and kiss and continue on with the meal.

yes definitely - we've been using the naughty stair for our 22 month old for a few months now and he definitely understands what it's for. He hates the naughty stair so we usually only have to threaten it and he insists he's a good boy and starts behaving himself. He probably ends up on the stair about once a week at the moment..!

P.S. throwing food is a big no no here. If ds gets silly at mealtimes we just take it off him and no more food until he behaves. That way it's very simple and you don't have to get cross - just very calmly take the food away and say no more food until you stop being naughty etc.etc... Mind you, this is probably only effective in our house because ds loves his food and so food being taken away is a huge punishment!

thanks for all the insights. surfing mumsnet, I find the helpful interchange from the live email session with steve biddulph, someone asking just the same question, might be useful. DS has only just started being really defiant, as well as the tenacious "cheeky monkey" view of himself, he's also started growling back at us when we are trying to have the "conversation" about bad behaviour. very hard not to giggle.

Celeste: In your book "The Secret of Happy Children" you talk a bit about being assertive as a parent and not shying away from discipline. I was wondering when do you think you should start with discipline. My child is just coming up to 2 yrs old and is pretty wilful (as they all are), so far I've just employed distraction techniques, is it time for time-outs etc?

Steve: The discipline method we use, along with all the normal things like distraction, is called "Stand and think". Its described in More Secrets of Happy Children and in Love, Laughter and Parenting too. Its sometimes called "The Teaching Conversation"

The things that tell you a child is ready for a little bit of discipline are - that they have some language, they can speak a bit, (so you know they are able to understand)
they can see cause and effect (I poked the cats eye and it scratched me !)
and they understand "no". So usually we are talking about 18 months to two years of age, depending on the child. Once they can understand, you can begin to use these methods.

Sorry not to be able to detail them here, they take several pages to explain, though they are simple once you use them.

DS is 21 mths, but for a good few months he's understood cause and effect. For pre-bed stories, he started being impish and running off, so one night I told him that that was fine, but if he didn't come back we had to put the book back and go to bed. He always trots back like a lamb.

Maybe if you do the same with the food it'll work - does for us, though if he's in a certain type of mood, walls watch out.. Best not to make too big a deal of it, I'd say. Getting cross with my DS just makes him do it more ...