Nursery meltdown

[sadanddesperate]

My DD is 12 months old and has just started nursery. So far she has only done 3 taster sessions lasting 2 hours.

Before she started I had concerns on how she would cope as she is quite clingy. But its been worse than I had expected. She has cried to whole time she has been there and then when I collect her she is totally miserable - won't make eye contact, smile etc. The staff do try to settle her and give her 1-2-1 attention but there seems no improvement at all - although it has only been 3 sessions, but she is due to go for a full day tomorrow.

Has anyone's baby cried the whole time? What did you do and did they eventually settle into nursery?

Any words of wisdom/comfort/hope will be much appreciated!

I'm a childminder and I had a little boy of the same age a couple of years ago who was exactly like this.

It took a lot of patience and hard work, finding things which distracted him and giving him 100% of my attention but we got there in the end.

I used to have his favourite tv programme playing on iPlayer when he arrived and be ready to do nothing but hold him.

After a couple of weeks he started to relax and enjoy himself. We made steady progress and he was soon not even noticing when she left him.

I knew it was a difficult time for his mum so I used to email photos of him having fun to her at work every day for months.

Now he's four and his mum is on maternity leave. She has to keep bringing him to see me because he nags her constantly to bring him to visit.

If you can make the sessions shorter for a bit longer I am sure that would help. If not you need to trust the nursery staff to know their job and find ways to comfort her.

She might surprise you and settle faster than you expect.

Can you send her with a tee-shirt you've slept in? The staff can then put that between their clothing and her when they are comforting her and the familiar smell will help her.

Thanks for your response Timandra I'll take something that smells of me tomorrow.

Oh you poor thing. I'm sure your little one will settle with time and reassurance.

I have 3 children. My first was very happy in a nursery environment. He never had a childminder.

However, my second was super clingy and she went to a childminder instead, which suited her brilliantly. The childminder had two other children and it was in her home.

Just a thought if you feel, that the nursery doesn't work out.

I have been thinking about a childminder, but I just thought she would cry there all the time there as well and that other babies may might be a distraction.

A childminder might be better if your little one is bothered by loud noises or busy environments or if she struggles with lots of changes of staff.

The thing is you've done three sessions now and you'd have to start all over again with a childminder.

Do the nursery make a big thing of the keyworker system. Some give children keyworkers but that person is just responsible for that child's paperwork. Others really do it well and make sure the child builds a bond with one or two special people from day one and ensure that the same person does all the settling in visits.

If you're happy that your nursery is the latter I'd leave her there.

My DD (despite being confident and independent the rest of the time) hated nursery - taster sessions were exactly as you describe. We had no option at the time but it went on for weeks and weeks. DH was constantly being called down there because they kept saying she had a temperature - of course she was so upset and crying all the time that her temperature was spiking. They used to give her lots of cuddles but she never really settled and she didn't sleep well there either. Their keyworker system was a nonsense and there was never one person she bonded with. With hindsight I would have used a childminder instead. It was only for five months (because I went back to work 3 months pregnant) and I was SO relieved when she didn't have to go any more.

If you're concerned I think it would be worth looking at local childminders - the environment is less stressful and overwhelming. Timandra is right, you would have to start again with a CM in terms of settling down but it might be better in the long term. As I say, for my DD's sake I wish we'd gone with something non-institutional and more domestic.