DS and his Daddy

[knittynoodle]

DS (18mo) can be very jealous of DP. He doesn't like to see us kiss or cuddle and tries to hit his Daddy, pull him off and get between us. We usually say come on DS, group cuddle and all cuddle together.

Recently he has really started being violent to DP, pinching his face, hitting him, even when he is not near me. He laughs after doing this so I don't always think it is jealousy (DP has a, ahem, funny face even for adults) I think he genuinely finds it funny. I say No! Poor Daddy! We don't hit/pinch etc and make a fuss of DP. DS then says sorry although it doesn't stop him doing it again 2 minutes later.

What's going on here, and what can I do to ease it? DP is feeling a bit rejected, although he's not saying so. DS won't even hold his hand as we walk along the street and just pushes him away when he tries to cuddle him I try to make them do more together that's close contact so that DS will feel more attached to his Dad but often it descends into pinching.

It sounds to me as if you always around and DP is an extra. Go out for at least half a day and leave them together. Leave DP to put him to bed, even if you just have to walk around the block. Send them off out alone, he will have to hold his hand.
Don't say anything when he pinches his face, let DP tell him firmly that he is not to do it.
DS seems to be ruling the roost, you appear to be the one in charge,DP seems to courting popularity- so make changes. The reason for going out when DP is in charge is so that DS has to put up with- otherwise all he has to do is cry and you will take over.
They need time to bond alone.

Thing is, they do spend time together. I have a lay in on saturdays (I know, lucky me!) and sometimes he walks him into town, or they go to a car boot sale and have a wander around. I think its that I'm quite physical with DS and DP is more likely to put him in the buggy rather than carry him or hold his hand. I think that's why he wont cuddle DP, because they don't have much contact.

I think you are right about the discipline thing having to come from DP sometimes, not just me. Otherwise it seems DP is another kid. I sort of realised that as I read my post afterwards too . DP just ignores everything though, or laughs. Or starts shouting that DS is very naughty, which I hate him saying.

I think that you need to sit down and talk to DP about parenting, it is coming across that you are 'senior parent'.

When he pinches etc, dp needs to cry. Really loudly and over the top. Make a big deal about how upset he is that ds hurt him. You then shower dp with attention the same way you would if ds fell and bumped himself. Dp only stops when ds gives him a nice cuddle and attempts to say sorry/kiss it better.

Also good is for dp or you to firmly say "No! We don't hurt people" and move ds away (eg if you're all on the sofa, set ds on the floor) then carry on as normal. This one also works if he does the same to another child - that's plenty for discipline at this age.

I agree with the poster that says you're coming across as the senior parent.

If ds hits DH (rare), then DH will tell him no, not me. I don't step in and take over. DH is his dad, DH can sort him out. Same with bedtimes, meals etc. Make your DP do some basic care - baths, meals etc and make sure DP enforces any house rules.

You and your DP also need to set some parenting rules between you. I you don't like him calling ds naughty then discuss it and agree tactics in advance.

Go off for a whole weekend and leave them too it would be my advice.

Its a normal phase at 18 months to be clingy to mum and jelious if other people have mums attention. I wouldn't make a bid deal of it and if u cuddle dad and he gets upset just say cuddle too.

He is hitting dad to get a reaction from you! I would say you say nothing and dad should say No! U start doing something else as if u didn't see the hit and give him no attention.

Dad need to start playing, cuddling him more on his own to build up a stronger bond.

My DS2 has been the same with DH. We did solve this issue but doing exactly what others have suggested. Me leaving and letting them both do things without me around. It worked very well. It will change your daily lives when you get this sorted - as you'll have a more complete happy family. Good luck.

Remove yourself and they have to get on.