Quick! How do I deal incident DD hit her brother hard.

[PavlovtheCat]

DD aged 5, almost 6, DS aged 2.5 and I have been 'tidying' our bedroom and a spare area near out loft room, which has been full of confiscated toys. We went through, gave some to hospital, threw some away and kept some. DD took some of her toy that she got back and went to the now clean space next to the loft room (a 'cupboard' that has not yet got doors on it). DS followed her and she stared him out, right in his face 'do not come here, this is not for boys' and I told it was an area they could both play in, she said she wanted to play alone so I said she should go to her room to play if she did not want to play with him (she is allowed to ask him not to come in there if she wants time alone).

Anyway, he went there too and was playing with his own toys. They argued, as often then do, it seems he might have hit her with a toy but i did not see. I turned to see what they had argued about and I saw her consider, then take a swing at him, in the stomach, hard it was calculated and she had a very mean face.

Immediately I told her I saw that. She did not initially attempt to make an excuse but looked like a girl caught hitting her brother hard.

I was so angry. He is little and she can hit so much harder than him. I know its difficult for her when he gets cross with her and behaves badly, but he is only 2.5. I have told her countless times not to hit him back but to tell me and I will tell him off. He is not able to lie at the moment so I ask him if he hit DD and he says yes and then I put him on The Step. I try really hard to let her see that when he is behaving badly I address it, but make it clear that she must not hit him but talk to me.

So, my first reaction was to shout out some random highly unrealistic punishment, but realised this was going to shoot me in the foot if I made it inpossible to achieve, could not think of anything serious enough (she is already not allowed the computer for bad behaviour today) and I want to consider it properly.

So I have sent her to her bedroom for 10 mins while I calm down and so does she. I have told her not to play, speak to me or DS and that I am very cross and sad.

How would you address it? DS is over it already and she is becoming restless already.

oh what appalling grammar on the Title! Sorry about that

ok, its dealt with, probably for the best but certainly not a stern mother!

I asked her to come in to see me as I had to do something before DS went in to play with her. She came in, and I said 'do you have something to say to me?' She said 'SORREEE!' in such a sulky teenager way and looked so grown up for her age it was quite funny and despite myself I laughed. So she laughed, which she did not want to do as she was also cross, so we both were trying to be cross but laughing. So, i took her by the hands, and said 'why did you hit your brother?' and she said, sweetly with little tear filled eyes 'i'm sorry'. so I said 'i want you to say sorry to your brother, and give him a hug, then come back to me for a hug too'. She did this, and I said 'please don't hit him again' and she said 'ok', hugged and ended it.

She is hungry. I gave no punishment. I felt I could not after laughing.

Is she upset/sorry. Has it actually sunk in that she has done something very bad?

Personally, I would go back in after the 10 mins, sit down with her and tell her that you cannot and will not have this behaviour in the house. That she must not do it again, ever.

Then, I would suggest she makes a picture to say sorry, give her paper and pens, and sit her quietly to draw her brother a picture about something he likes.

If she ever does it again - straight to her room, no warnings or second chances, and make a huge fuss of her brother.

Sounds a bit soft, but that's what works in our house.

sitting, yes she is upset, but mostly because she is in trouble. She is also sorry for the same reason. But she has said sorry to him, I like the simplicity of your method actually, i am no good at punishments i like the idea of drawing him a picture.

I hate punishments too, and I actually find that they don't work with my eldest as he's so sensitive he just goes to pieces anyway.

I just tell them what I expect, and it seems to happen.

And, most importantly, you need a cuppa! It's exhausting, acting as referee.

I think it's done with now. She is genuinely sorry and remorseful. You handled it well.

I think I would think of an older and significantly larger child who she knows and then ask her if it would be ok for this child to hit her. When she says no ask her why. Then point out to her that all those things which she has just said apply to her hitting her brother.

Tell her that bigger children are not allowed to hit her because they are stronger and more grown up and should tell an adult if something upsets them and that the same applies to her because she is so much more grown up than her brother.

Also tell her that when someone hurts her it makes you feel very sad and angry inside and the same thing happens when she hurts her brother.

Do it all in a calm. 'I'm just explaining, not cross' way and repeat the conversation every time she lashes out. She won't remember it from on discussion so you need to embed it in her consciousness by repeating it.

I think you have dealt with it well. These things do happen, best dealt with swiftly- as you did- rather than with long drawn out punishments. Much better to let them get on with being friends now.

thank you everyone. There was in fact a reason for her bad behaviour. Chicken Pox, spots coming out as we speak. She was relatively difficult, well both the children were all day yesterday, and now I know why (DS recovering). She normally acts up a bit just before she gets ill, it is how we can usually predict she is coming down with something.

So I am very glad I did not lay the law down and just speak firmly but calmly and that it ended with hugs and not with punishment.

Oh, poor dd! It does make you think - we should all take a step back sometimes, and not rush in to discipline. I think you handled it just right, anyway.

Hope she isn't too poorly with the spots. X