four and a half and won't poo in the toilet

[sarahburns]

My son will be five in March and flatly refuses to poo in the toilet. Every night, he gets a nappy on and within 5 minutes, is dirty. I have tried not putting the nappy on, but he just holds it in and has managed 3 nights running before I gave in fearing that this could cause more problems. He wees in the toilet with no problems at all, hasn't even had an accident in over a year. He's embarrassed by it, and won't discuss WHY he does this, only promises that NEXT time, he'll use the toilet, but never does. His 3 year old sister uses the toilet properly, and I have tried praising her in his presence, and also offering bribes/rewards, but to no avail. As far as I am aware, he has never had a bad experience with the toilet.I am hoping that he'll just suddenly start using the toilet, but my husband is getting increasingly stressed out by it and I would be so grateful for any advice anyone might have.

I am no expert at all - but how about beginning woth putting the nappy on but sitting him on the toilet at the same time......
Might associate the toilet more with bowel movements and gradually get more used to it?

message withdrawn

Yep- nappy on and sitting on the toilet- when he'll do that comfortably you start to cut away bits of the nappy- until eventually you have a kind of tiny string and not much else. Or else you can loosen the nappy- until eventually you are just holding it beneath him. Make sure he's comfortable with each stage before moving onto the next.

Also try providing a footstool so he can sit comfortably on the toilet.

sorry that contradicts dinoasaur- but it is an approach that has worked with a child I know. Perhaps try it first and if it doesn't work then go for cruel to be kind approach.

DS1 -also 4 and a half - still poos in his pants fairly regularly- he holds on until he's desperate and then has to charge to the toilet (if I tell him- I have to catch him pausing and tell him to go). Had to warn school this morning as I'm sure he needsto go

I thought that the nappy on the toliet thing might be a good place to start too
also trying to make the bathroom a comfy place - draft free, pictures, his favourite song etc

my dd1 wouldnt poo on the toilet. she always asked for a nappy. i then said 'no more nappies' she would scream for a nappy, would make herself constipated by holding it in for days, so i got some fig syrup stuff for her (which is revolting). she hated the fig syrup so much then she learnt that poo's belong in the loo and it was easier to just go than hold it in to try and gte her own way. maybe i'm just a bit cruel, but it stopped her asking for a nappy, she would poo in it within minutes of putting it on.

My nephew was exactly the same, he had a phobia of poo and refused to go anywhere but in a nappy. This went on until he pretty much started school at about 6. He would go and hide behind a sofa. His Granny said something to him one day and it worked as he's fine now. I think they grow out of it in time.

I really appreciate all your advice guys - will let you know how it goes xxxx

Thanks Dinosaur - it's always encouraging to know that you're not the only one with these problems - especially since some people are so smug about their offspring's toilet abilities!

how is it going sarah?