Ideas please, I'm having a nightmare with 4yo's poos!

[Scrubber]

DS is 4.5 now and has a massive fear of pooing in the toilet. It is driving me absolutely round the bend. He has never managed to do it although when he was younger he pooed in the potty twice. Until he turned 4 he was still requesting a nappy to poo in, he'd put it on especially. We told him that they don't make nappies for 4 year olds so then we hoped he'd eventually get his head round the fact that he'd have to try the toilet. He instead got really agitated and constipated from holding it in and eventually DH ended up catching his poo on a tissue for him. It has been like that ever since.

He won't use the potty, he's too big for it now anyway. We have lots of different toddler loo seats, including one with steps and handles. He has done wees on the loo but is so scared he'll fall down the loo when he poos he just won't do it. He is very stubborn.

Has anyone had any similar experiences?

I'd put this in potty training section but I think it is beyond that stage and more of a behaviour and development issue.

Have you spoken to gp about this?

Ask who you should be referred to, not sure if it would come under psych or paed

Light hearted suggestion but have you tried watching "come outside" the sewage one? It's all about poo and where it goes. Pippin and Auntie Mabel go to sewage works etc and theres lots of things about poo going down the toilet etc

Worth a shot?

It's on youtube btw

Paed will probably prescribe gentle laxative so that he can't withhold. And eventually ou'd get a Camus referral, but tbh you would have to have gone through the full gamut of bribery and reassurance first. Get the star/ sticker charts out and try and think of something he is desperate for.

Try toilet timing instead - so he has to sit on the toilet for 10 minutes after breakfast, and ten minutes after dinner. He doesn't have to do anything, just sit. Desensitise. Read books, play dsi, whatever you can do to get him to take up residence on the throne.

Camhs. Freaking iPad.

I'm probably wrong and will get flamed here but why not just let him do it in a pull up for now just to relieve the stress allow him to get back into a regular cycle of going and seek medical advice? If he's withholding and getting constipated and it gonna be painful and the fear will rule his day. He won't be happy going while it's do painful :( Maybe if u allow him to relax, Rule out any physical causes then u can work on it again. :)

Itsallgoingtobefine - I think that's where he got the fear from. He has always been fascinated with that episode. He says he's scared of falling down the 'poo tunnel'.

Madwoman, yes, I've done the bribes etc. He just says when I do my poo I'll get that toy or whatever. He always says he'll do it 'tomorrow'. I've had him sitting on the loo before. Sometimes we manage it but not without tantrums or resistance. The trouble is he's getting so old now he's wise to most of my tactics. It isn't like potty training a toddler.

Thanks for the replies btw everyone. Have just reclaimed my laptop from DH to update myself on this thread.

He isn't constipated any more. I've been catching his jobbies on a tissue for months . He's quite regular. DH is adamant that I should just refuse to do it. In fact when that happens he holds it in until he soils himself and I don't want him to get used to doing that because he's always been a really clean and continent person and I want to keep him that way.