How to get a nearly 3 year old to stay in his bed

[larrygrylls]

Our oldest son is 2.11 and, about two weeks ago, moved from cot to bed at his own request. For the first week the adjustment went really well but then he realised he could get up again...and again...and again. For the first couple of days we probably did not help matters by finding it rather sweet and chatting with him, letting him taste our dinner etc. After that, however, we have been reasonably consistent in telling him to stay in his bed, giving him warnings, time outs etc. He comes downstairs with this manic laugh and skip and it is frankly driving us mad!

In his cot, he consistently went to sleep after his last story anywhere between 7:30 and 8:00. He is currently falling asleep after his nth excursion anywhere between 8:30 and 9:30 and he is tired in the day. He still normally has a daytime sleep but we have been keeping this to an hour or so and he is always up before 3pm latest.

I am unenthused about the no eye contact Jo Frost technique although my wife is keen to try it. If people say it is the only way, I will go for it but it seems a bit cruel to me.

Any magical ideas?

We have a stair gate on DDs doorway. I don't care if she doesn't stay in bed and ends up falling asleep next to the bookcase, at bedtime it means she stays in her bedroom.

When we leave the room, she usually moans at the gate for a minute, then puts herself back to bed.

All the going up, putting him back etc is attention, which he is looking for. Even the Jo Frost technique is still attention. It's good fun for a 2yr old.

Flisspaps,

I have noticed. He loves the freedom and, on one level, I don't want to deny it to him, especially if he wakes up frightened or not feeling well. On the other hand, it is destroying our early evenings and he is actually getting up earlier and waking his little brother so I (as I look after them in the early mornings) normally have both of them up at 6AM.

Do you remove the stair gate later on or does she have to call you if she needs you until you get up in the morning?

No, it stays closed. To be honest, when she gets up she then plays in her room until we get up, and she might pop her head out and say morning when DH or I go to the loo. If she needs us in the night (rare) she shouts, as she did from her cot.

I don't want her being 'free' at night, she has a tendency to empty the bookcase and clear my dressing table of its contents. I'm happier and its much safer with her caged for the night

Thanks,

It is definitely an idea we will try if he does not adapt by himself in the next week or so.

I think the gate is a good idea. We didn't use it but know others who did.

We used a reward chart at a similar age (think DS was 3.1). He didn't get out of bed in the evenings but came into our bed about 1 or 2 am every night. I didn't think he would respond that well to incentives but the very first night he remembered and stayed in bed. It worked really well - id say he stayed in bed about 7 nights out of ten. When he did wake I'd remind him about the reward chart and sometimes he'd settle back down, but occasionally he'd wail that he didn't care about it. On those occasions I'd remind him in the morning about why he'd not got a sticker and remind him again at bedtime that he needed to stay in bed (and that worked).

Our DD is 2.9 and also went into a bed last week. Our advantage, however, is that she can't open her door. It's not locked, just too stiff for her to manage. We've decided to just leave her to play in her room. We do stories, cuddles in bed and tuck her in, but ignore what she does after that (unless crying for us or shouting that she's used the potty). When I check on her before I go to bed, she's always in the bed under the covers fast asleep. Definitely getting less night time sleep but she's taken up naps again to compensate.

Staple gun. It's the only way.

Echo what Flisspaps says, we had a stair gate on DS's bedroom door. He would stand ast his gate and shout us but we would just tell him it was bedtime and to get back into bed the first couple of times and then swe would just ignore him after that.

Thanks for all the ideas (with the possible exception of the staple gun).

I am tempted to try reward in the first instance (sticker chart etc) but my wife is strongly against it as she feels a child should not be rewarded for just doing what he ought to do. I agree with the point, theoretically, but, ultimately, if persuasion does not work you are left with either reward or punishment, and reward is less painful for all concerned.

Stair gate is looking like the last resort unless any more great ideas.

It is amazing how he has developed specific strategies to deal with my wife and me post 8:30PM. My wife gets lots of cuddles, which she finds hard to say resist and I get a full on discussion on the difference between various dinosaurs.

stairgate is good, my 17mth old is doing this, and all my boys did it as well, i just take them back to bed, i dont avoid eye contact but i am VERY boring, its bedtime, night night is pretty much all i say if anything at all. there were times i sat outside the door and as soon as they came to the door i just placed them back in bed, either by picking them up or taking them by the hand and leading htem back to bed. be boring and be consistent, it DOES work! it is annoying the other evening i put dd to bed at 7:30 and she kept getting up it was just after 10pm by the time she went to sleep!! i was ready to throttle her, but after many nights of being boring and putting her straight back in bed ( iget to her before she comes downstairs, literally as soon as i hear the little feet on the bedroom floor i am up and putting her back in bed) and the past two or three nights she has gone to sleep pretty much straight away, maybe getting up once or twice if that.

dont engage in conversation, no need for cuddles, or a very quick one as you lift them into bed!