How do you deal with Back chat?

[Smurfy1]

DSD is aged 10.5 and no matter when shge can't just do something even when you say "can you take this through for me" or last nights was "please do your homework" makes no difference how you word it you get cheeky answers or her mumbling as she walks away which she won't repeat and when she gets told off she really does a very good job of digging a bigger hole!

How do you cope seriously we just try and reason but it normally ends up with her being sent to her room (still gobbing off btw) last night she pushed me too far giving me the talk to the hand sign! When I was explaining something to do (in an attempt to calm the situ) I lost it shouted at her to get to her room and how dare she be so disrespectful i had to tell her to go 4 times as she answered "what will you do if i dont?" well I didnt have an amswer as i would never raise my hand to a child (never have) so I started listing things she would have happen ie grounding etc so she starts listing more as if she was in competion to see who could remove more from her priviledges ????? i know she has started her periods but Christ i dont know If I can survive the preteens let alone actual teens rofl

By 2030 she was fine back her normal apologising and saying how much she loved me and that she couldn't explain why she did it etc same this morning with her dad apologising etc yet I know tonight will be the same battle of wills

need advice as we have tried ignoring the attitude and concentrating on the words to grounding nothing has worked when she gets this way

:( for you, mines not quite got that bad yet but even at the level he is at its soul destroying & I feel like all I ever do these days is tell her off

I'm watching this with interest as mine is 9 & bar not yet dealing with hormones she can be a similar gobby mare at times too - so far loss of privileges & sending to rooms helps, but not enough to stop her next time & I've lost it a couple of times recently with her too, not something I've ever done before, so not happy about it - it did shock her into behaving for a while though

but I know its going to get tougher & she's bright, which adds to the problem, as she's getting too clever & now very subtly pushing my buttons in a way that makes me look unreasonable -

a day out with her last weekend was ruined by her deliberately keep on bringing up subjects to chat about that she knew she'd already been told no too - for example telling me she'll be saving all her birthday money, etc etc to go & have her waist length hair cut short at a salon, as I've already told her no, when she's old enough to deal with the consequences of not liking it, fine, but not before - several similar topics had me feeling completely fried & wondering why the hell I'd bothered to take her out for the day

mine are 12 and 9. At the moment a firm 'No, stop' and 'Enough' if it continues, will stop it. I'm willing to accept this may not continue when they get much older!

If I say
No, I get why not which leads into a whole new scenario
Stop to her means that she is to stop everything (que melodrama)
Enough is met with why you can't stop me! (complete with indignant tone)

Funny how I can laugh at it now (til the next time)

I suppose I should feel glad she is behaving like this as it means she isn't scared of us but OMG I even tried reasoning that she wanted to be listened to but she was listening to us

Scary thing is my mum dealt with it by ending the argument with hitting (in her words crude but effective!) I really can't see myself losing control that way BUT I also never used to be a shouty mum

If I get, why not in response to NO! etc, then she gets a very firm because I said so & until you are old enough to pay the bills I"M in charge

works so far to cut it dead, though as I say, she's now finding other ways to needle me, which she seems to be doing a lot of lately

I should add, we are pretty strict & take no nonsense from her, not into smacking per se, but have on very occasional & severe behaviour occasions in the past, she doesn't remember it as such, but knows we mean business with any threats, which normally nips her antics in the bud pretty quickly, though I'd much rather not have the confrontation as such, I do think its an age thing & I also believe that some fear of consequences in DCs is healthy, I would hate her to be totally afraid of us, but I do think she needs to be afraid of pushing us too far

I really can't see myself losing control that way BUT I also never used to be a shouty mum

Gawd I can relate to that bit :( but I do think its them just reaching an age where they push boundaries harder & we do need to keep a firm reign or risk them taking over & doing as they please - when she was younger I found giving her a bit more freedom, more say in certain things would help her feel more "grown up" - in balance she also was given more responsibility with each thing too - that always worked for a while, but it does get harder as they get older & want bigger freedoms, that they are not old enough for -

maybe there is something in that you can find to offer your DD - I have found in the past it also gives me something extra to take off her if she plays up too

Also does your DD go to a Youth Club or something ? - mine does & that helps, she openly tells me its her space to get away from my bossing her - she HATES to miss that & threats of her losing this week YC, have her jumping into line

Never thought of threat of not going to her hiphop thats a great idea thanks rockin :-)

Problem is she will be trying us and it's the trying to keep consistant, we gonna need lol

Its funny I was thinking of this thread last night - my DD has been a dream since Sunday, yet drove me nuts with her attitude friday onwards - funny that as Thursday is YC night - its working better than I realised, I now just need to find a way to extend it

MooBaa thats funny, unfortunately my look seems to have worn off (sulk) and the removing her to her room she just hides behind the door and sulks and she doesnt give in (stubborn like her dad!) so I tend to give in and go to her to talk it through after 10 mins maybe I should just leave her to sulk it out?

Mine are 14&13
The threat of no Xbox, playstation,iPad etc normally works

On the rare occasions it doesnt I'll let you in on a secret, remember this when you have teens :)

Taking away their mobile phone is the best punishment ever!
Just one evening without a phone turns them back into angels.
Alternatively a close second is changing the wireless Internet password so they cant use bbm, or iPod for Internet!

Ok will try these and let you know :)