my 3.8 yrs old got no respect for her Dad......advices desp needed...thanks

[biglips]

She had always been the same from literally birth!....

dd2 is at the mornings nursery, Im a SAHM and Dp is self employed so he does have to work all over the weekend if he couldnt work in the week due to the weather (pole window cleaner).

Dp took dd2 to the baths last nite to watch dd1 taking her swimming lessons but she was just blanking dp as dp was telling her to come here and stop that as she was trying to get under a table in the cafe, etc...

so dp came home v annoyed and saying that "she got no respect for me but got respect for you" (me) which it is true but i havent never said it to dp but i do help dp that if dd2 doesnt listen to her Dad, she get punished (atm its no bedtime story for a week). Dp does shout at her most of the time to get her attention if she is ignoring him as hes the one with the strong voice, not me, but dd2 looks at him as if she is saying "and what like??", or she blanks him as if hes not in the room with her, but if i tell her off, she listened to me.

My dc3 is due in 5 weeks from today and i do hope she slowly starting to realised that i cant do everything for her, which i do back off 8/10 to let her give up and go to her dad....

How do i get my dd2 to start listening to her dad!!

Also, if dp asked for a hug off dd2, she gives him a quick 2 seconds hug but with me she forever hugging me for ages.....

atm we are back on the good girl chart to get treats at the end of the week, so the new one is "to start listening to your Daddy" plus with other things.

thanks

Hmm, does she get special one on one time with your DP? That might help.

She also just might not respond to the type of discipline your DP uses for your DD1. Maybe he needs to try a different tack. Especially if they start doing something special together, then she might be more motivated to behave for him. I'm always wary of trying to 'force' a child to have respect for, or want to be with, a parent - I think it often backfires and makes the situation worse! A lot of carrot and a little bit of stick..

Also, how old is she. It might just be something she grows out of?

A couple of thoughts - no bedtime story for a week sounds an awfully harsh punishment for a 3.8 yo - at that age punishments need to be immediate, so she's going to have very little sense of why she's not getting a story nearly a week down the line from the misbehaviour. More immediate things like taking a favourite toy away for an hour, or no bedtime story if it's near bedtime sound more appropriate.

Second is that your DP shouting at her is unlikely to be the best way to get her attention - shouting only works if it is occasional; if he shouts all the time your DD will just switch off, as she seems in fact to have done already. Getting down to her level, holding her shoulders, looking her in the eye and speaking slowly and firmly would be a much better bet. She'll find it almost impossible to blank him in that scenario!

And I'd echo the need for your DP to spend quality one-on-one time with her. Sounds like there is a negative spiral of shouting/ignoring going on which somehow needs to be turned around. More shouting and punishing is unlikely to be the solution.

my thoughts are that your dd is just pushing the boundaries with your dp not disrepecting him, she's not 4 yet and that seems quite a harsh way that your dp has described her behaviour? I am having similar issues with my ds showing respect to my dh (his stepdad) but he is 9 and is able to understand what respect is all about.

Sorry if this is unhelpful and I hope you work things out.

everything lilebulle said

punishing a 3yo for a week for something she did is going to be totally unproductive

your dh sounds far too sensitive a plant; he needs to learn to get on and do things even if he is being ignored by a silly little 0

ime the best way to get respect out of a child this age is to ignore their ignoring so to speak

if they don't move when you call you just take them briskly by the hand and move off ; if you won't put something down you just cheerfully take it from them

the more you can do this without losing your temper the more they will get used to the idea that daddy always gets his way so there's no point in playing up

but he does need to realise that it is normal for the age to defy parents; if he gets angry or hurt he is showing weakness and will not get a good result

thanks everyone for the advices...

yeah she got her story last nite as usually lasts one night (this is the longest 2 nights with no story).

will be listing down the lists for us to try out as the said things on here is what we have done with dd1 but i had a think and i do noticed that if we shout at her, she does ignore you so maybe the shouting bit for her to come here after she been ignoring us still doesn't work, we will have to do other alternatives. (she does do her told with me but she blanks dp completely and she even snarls at him alot of time but i just say Stop growling at daddy! or should we just don't say anything and then she may stop?.

She had got a loving side of her and she hugs her dad when she wants to and i did mention to dp maybe a one to one a little bit more often with her to take her out away from me as he said that she is brilliant when im not around but then im around, she's the opposite which it is normal for her age.

She is worse when she is tired which we do give her a little bit of lea way.

we never had this with dd1 as you can tell!! lol