Ds hyperactive??? 20 months old please help long thread alert

[fazsaeed]

I posted in the childrens health section
But this is a better place!

my ds is 20 months old.
He has reflux, food aversion, peg feeding tube.
He's had meningitis and septecmia in the past.
He's ill a lot ( at least every 3 weeks. More recently he's been on antibiotics every week in the past month)

He's a bundle of energy. Before the feeding tube was put in he wouldn't stay still then. I don't have a clue where he got his energy from as he'd have less than 1/2 meal a day plus 4 oz of milk.
As soon as he wakes he's off the bed, running around the room.
We would come down, i have to stick him in his high chair as I can't keep my eye on him as in making him something to eat.
He gets agitated, screams and eventually chucks all food on the floor ( most days)

As soon as he out of the high chair yet again it's a mission keeping an eye on him.
He has1 toy that he won't let go off but other than that he plays with a toy for no longer than a minute and then he's off doing something else.
Even when he's tired he won't sleep without a fight.

Yesterday he woke up about half an hour later than normal, went to sleep for 45 mins in the whole day and when it came to bed time ( between 7.30 and 8) he just wouldn't go to sleep so I brought him down and he was none stop until 12!
I was sat on the floor and he'd run from one side of the room to the other then jump on me and my parents.
When I tried to get him to sit he would just head butt my arm or get violent.
I do discipline him. If he's naughty I tell him off. If he's really bad I will put him in his pram or high chair ( both of which he doesn't like at that time as he can't wriggle away)
I've done the tapping hands thing when he's naughty and he just smacks my face.
This is getting worse with everyday.
He's in hospital a lot due to poor health with his medical problems.
He has no problems out and about most of the time as he's stuck in his pram. He doesn't like new environments as it seems like he has a sensory over load- we went out for a meal and it was loud, dim lighting ( literally just slightly dim), people around us and lots of smells. The other kids with us his age were fine he just didn't stop screaming at all!
He's slow with his speaking too- he says thank you and yuk. He can nod his head to say yes but doesn't verbally say it.
I am concerned and would love to hear from anyone with any advice. Thanks

Hi I'm sorry I don't have much advice have you spoken to the dr about your concerns? Tbh a lot of this sounds like my ds who was born at 26 weeks from the moment he was born he was on the go- he is now 4 and never rests and will fight sleep with his last breath! Due to his prematurity drs were concerned and ran tests but turns out he is fine just made that way. The only way at that age I could keep him happy was to provide a constant stream of stimulation, so on trips loads, walking and running a lot everyday, books books and more books etc. it has eased with age he's now 4 up at 5 am sleeps at about 10pm with no rest in between but he's always happy which helps and plays independently for a good part of the day. I would say if you are worried talk to your dr though.

Sounds like a typical 20month old to me!!
Sorry to hear he hasn't been well
My 18mo is exactly the same he doesn't play much with toys would rather tear the house apart, he is like a tornado!! He too has had a lot of hospital admissions (7 in a year) due to breathing problems.
Out and about is a nightmare he hates being in the pram but I just tend to grit my teeth and try and get on with it ( trying to ignore the stares of sympathy/disgust) although my DS bedtime routine is quite good, I think he exhausts himself throughout the day!
I'm sure they will grow into lovely little boys soon in the mean time indulge in a nice glass of wine after he has gone to bed!

Lol. I don't drink
Since feb this year he's been in 5 times.
Once a week, once 4 days, etc.

Hes so violent!
He's just battered my nephew who is 5 months older!
Hes marked his arm by biting him and not letting go.
Im worried that the meningitis might of effected his development?
X
Thanks

Maybe just a brew then
Aw bless him it's horrible to See your baby so poorly I really feel for you, hopefully he is on the mend soon!
My 18mo went through the hitting phase - now he is in the throwing phase! He did stop eventually after me disciplining, just be firm and stern and follow the same discipline pattern, it is very frustrating and sometimes embarrassing when in public but keep persevering.
I had meningitis (viral) when I was younger and I like to think I turned out ok
But if your at all worried about his behaviour I would consult your health visitor or GP maybe they will be able to give you some advise or put your mind at rest x

Thank you.
Both hv and gp are assholes!
Hv is no longer involved with ds care. She never really cared any way and gp just likes to be a stingy twat and stop meds.
Ds has got a bad leg and I asked for a refferal as I was told by a paed he needed one but gp said no I will check him.
Theres the gastric nurse who is good with his care and the dietician too. I will mention to them to see what they say.

Just come back from the park. Ds wouldn't leave the pram!
He was way too scared!

He got home back into his comfort zone and was fine!

X
How on earth does everyone cope lol x

Poor ds and poor you, you must both have been through it with all his health problems. It sounds like you've got into a bit of a negative cycle through exhaustion and stress... hard to have fun in those circumstances but it sounds like you need to spend some time reconnecting with him, having fun and looking for the positives. Toddler-proof as much as you can so you don't have to restrain him at home, get out for fresh air and exercise whenever you can/whenever he's in an energetic mood, take him to toddler groups, give him lots of cuddles and praise when he communicates well or listens to you. He is who he is, and if there are issues beyond just being an energetic and stressed out toddler (only someone in real life would be able to tell you that) then he needs you to be calm and loving just the same. It's hard for you so make sure you get time with other adults to chat and relax and vent a bit. Hope his health improves soon.

I would second the outdoors/ exercise thing. My DS is 20mo too. He needs to be out somewhere that he can roam free every day- ideally for a couple of hours. I have bought him a really good puddlesuit so we can go out whatever the weather. We go to the woods or a really well fenced, safe park.

Without this time outdoors he becomes a bit of a nightmare in the house.

Do your Drs say it's ok for him to do all the normal things toddlers do? If so I would say run his legs off. If you take him out and he's not keen just keep taking him back until he realises it's ok- and eventually fun. You could also take him swimming or to a local playgym session, anything where he can get a really good work out!

I would imagine that some of the reason why he is stir crazy at home is because he actually has a lot of energy which he has not used up in the day. He is not hyperactive - the world is just a daunting place because he has been in hospital so much and obviously as a result he is not getting enough exercise.

It must be hard because you don't want to upset him after having gone through so much already - but in my experience if you want to change a negative pattern you have to change your behaviour to something really positive and definite.

If it is sensory overload then maybe try taking him to a really simple park with just grass and trees, pull up by a park bench, show him something that you really like, for instance a flower, for him to concentrate on and just get him out. You can make him - you are after all his mother and meant to be in charge, and he is still quite little.

He might cry but if he is focused on something already he might notice less. I think the point is slow steps - if he gets out of his buggy once to sit on a bench he will do it again - and maybe will even walk a bit.

I can't give you advice about the behaviour - I feel my expertise is solely with outdoor activities. I hope that you like this idea though.

Thank you all for your help.
I will try these techniques.
I do know that his scardishnes is due to
Being in hospital.
He's getting weighed tomorrow and I will mention
It to the hv there and let you know what she thinks
X