Encouraging sharing?

[milkymocha]

How can i encourage my DS1 to share better with his friends? He has no trouble sharing with me, his dad/nan etc and seems to play much happier with girls although becomes very competitive with boys.

He has never physically hurt another child but, he does pull other kids hands away from toys, snatches from them, will run onto a toy he knows another child wants to play with. How do you all deal with this?

I have tried to speak calmly to him whilst reminding him to share, i have shouted, ignored etc but, nothing seems to work?

It is not all the time as he does know how to share nicely (eg he likes to give his little brother jis favourite toy, asks if baby can play ball etc) He is also very willing to share food/drink just not toys!

Will this stage end or will my son always have this sense of ownership? I find it quite embarrassing in front of other parents and have started to avoid playdates and i cant handle the stress of 'NO ITS MY TOY' every 10 minutes !

Family members have also started to comment on this making me feel like iam raising a brat :(

He has just turnt two btw

How old is he?

It is completely normal and will pass. I've noticed it starting in my toddler more recently (he's 2.5) although it's controllable. It means I have to be on the 'watch' though which I always have been anyway so it's no big deal. Once I see a dispute over toys about to occur I just jump in with first a firm "no" to stop him before he starts followed with an explanation like - we have to share toys don't we and that little boy/girl has to play wih toys too so you're not to take them off him/her or he/she will be sad. Then I get him to sing along to our 'sharing song' which goes....

It's mine but you can have some, with you I like to share it. And when I share it with you, you can have some too.

He's much better with babies than he is others his own age as he understands babies are little and we have to be nice to them but there can be some real arguments with children his own age (and they're usually just as bad as he is) I think it's just about being persistent and on the ball with it and making sharing fun to an extent and at some point the message will sink in.

Don't ever use the word 'share' would be my top tip! They don't understand it and it's a completely alien and unwelcome concept. You could try explaining that some things are his, some things are other people's and some things belong to everybody. He doesn't have to let people play with his things (I would never try and force a child to share his or her own precious toys - it's bullying and unreasonable) but on everything else We Take Turns. That means allowing someone to have a turn, then it will be your turn. It's empowering because they know when it's their turn they can take it, and they understand that turns don't go on forever. Possessiveness with toys is completely reasonable and simply demonstrates that they understand ownership.

Thank you. I will remember to say 'take turns' more ! Its hard when i know he is so intelligent and he behaves so unreasonably.
I know its part and parcel of having a toddler, just worrying that he'll grow up to be spoilt and spiteful

He won't! In fact once they understand that it's turn and turn about and that their favourite things can be off limits then they often become reassuringly open and generous!

I've found that using a kitchen timer helps. DS (2.9) is an only child so can really struggle with sharing and taking turns because he doesn't usally have to. Explaining that "X will have this toy for 10 minutes and we're going to set the timer; when it goes off you can have it for 10 minutes" seems to help relieve the pressure for him, he can see that they're not going to keep the toy indefinately. It does feel very controlling having to set timers but it gives DS a structure to work in.

Agree with Fire - I've used a sand timer before - they like being able to see the sand going through and you can get a five minute one from amazon, which IME is a good length of time.

Thanks for the suggestion! I will definitely bring that into place as DS1 has just become a big brother so really want to tackle this! I know hes a toddler and maybe iam being a little tough on him, it just seems that all his other little friends are more passive whereas you can hear my boy shouting 'MY BALL, DONT TOUCH' or 'THATS MUMMYS JUICE/PHONE etc' very loudly abd clearly