At my wits end with bedtimes...

[Charltonangel]

DD is 9mo and a complete nightmare for sleeping. She has been since about 3mo. I have a routine - bath, story, boob, bed, and sometimes she's not that tired, so I let her play a little until she starts showing the signs. And then... If I try and leave her, she stands up and cries until I come back, if I try and sing to her in bed she kicks her legs and rolls round so much she gets all tangled, and then tries to stand up, and every night I swear I won't but end up singing and rocking her to sleep. Tonight it took two hours. Last night about the same.

I work all day, so I generally have an hour with her in the morning and then an hour in the evening, followed by two hours of stress. DH works evenings so during the week I'm on my own, and at the weekends we have to take it in turns as it stresses us out so much we argue over it. I often end up sitting on her bedroom floor in tears. Even after I get her to sleep and settle her, she often wakes up half an hour or an hour later although is generally okay to get back down after that. She still wakes twice in the night for feeds (typically 12 and 4) and I'm just tired all the time.

I would appreciate any advice (except 'it's a phase that she'll grow out of' - unless you can tell me when!). She had got to the point at about 5mo when she was going to sleep pretty much on her own, then she got I'll and we just can't seem to get it back.

Help :(

I have 2dc 34mth old dd and 15 mth old ds. It's knackering when they won't settle and stay asleep isn't it?

I think you need to decide not to spend 2 hrs getting stressed and make a plan to stick to. Can you talk to your HV? I know lots of people don't like theirs, but mine had good advice and lots of strategies.

I didn't want to do controlled crying, so just refused to pick them up once they were down. Would just stand with my hand on their head or chest (as a comfort thing, not to restrain) and when they calmed down, give it a moment and leave the room. Then they'd cry and I'd go back in and then leave and so on. It lasted about 3 days for dd and a week for ds and they'd then just stay settled.

Waking in the night is trickier though and both were about a year old before i could hope. Every night now though! After 3 years it's lovely!!

I suppose I could phone the HV, I can't go and see her as I'm at work ft and DH won't go as he says it's a waste of time (v helpful )

That was how I got her settled into a routine last time, but she doesn't even act tired. The problem is, if I leave it later, she is overtired and then just whines and whines! I just found an older, similar thread, and it seems there are a lot of people in the same boat. I don't have that many mummy friends as I went back to work quite early and people keep saying things like 'ooh, shouldn't she sleep through the night by now?' and other such helpful comments!

Sorry I don't have any sleep strategies, ds is a nightmare sleeper and I don't know if that is just him or because I haven't figured out the right things to do.

But what I have found really helped was getting zen about it. He will go to sleep each night because he has to eventually, whenever that is. And one day he will go to sleep without help from me, ditto - whenever that will be. In the meantime I get to spend a lot of time with him making sure he is ok. Yes sometimes I want to fling him down the staircase but most of the time I try and think of all those people who warble on about how fast they grow up.

Also you can catch up on podcasts or mess about on your phone...

Whats 'going on with dh - does he think you should be doing things differently? You've got to try and stand together on this. Its like war sometimes!

He thinks I'm a stresshead but he can't get her to sleep either. Last night he even offered to cook dinner to get out of doing bedtime :o

It just makes me sad because I only see dd for an hour and a half in the morning and a couple of hours in the evening and it spoils it a bit.

I think zen is the way to go. I will try that tomorrow...

This site has good info on what is normal sleeping.

Ha ha! Once she's sleeping through it'll be 'isn't she potty trained yet?'. I'm resigned to them!

Ring your HV. She might really help. Remember though that she's your dd and you should only do what you're comfortable with, and be honest with her. If you can't stomach extended crying, tell her and let her come up with something else. She's there to support you, not instruct you.

I was at home from dd's birth till ds was 7 mths and am only part time now, so have met lots of mums at various groups while trying not to lose my mind socialising dcs and we're all bloody exhausted! You're very much in the majority! Sleeping is the biggest topic of conversation in any group of parent with babies as far as I know.

I ebf'd both of mine, and have spent many 3am's sitting with a boob out wishing the little blighter would nod off!

(too many typos to correct them! Sorry!)

Zen is definitely good! Good luck!

There are various 'sleep regressions' apparently that happen around the big milestones: one at around 4/5 months, one at around 9/10 months and one at around 18 months. (i think there're a few others too, but those are the ones that affected my ds) At these junctures, whatever patterns you've slogged to establish tend to completely evaporate, leaving you somewhere that looks suspiciously like square one. I think they start thinking about walking at around 9 mo and neural pathways're forming and they just get ants in their pants and all needy. It sucks, seeing all your hard-won structures crumble, but you just have to 'stoop and pick them up with worn out tools'

I keep saying I'm going to have 'this too shall pass' tattooed somewhere prominent on my body. It all does: the good things and the bad. Both comforting to know and a complete arse. :)

OP, my 8m DS is the same and also wakes half hour or so after he has fallen asleep. Have been told tis is when they go into light sleep but no solutions as to stopping him waking.
I have been picking him up and holding him till he is calm then putting him in cot and leaving room. He generally cries and I leave it 2-3 min before repeating process. It sometimes takes 2 go's and other times I am there for 2 hours. I hope by continuing this he will get better during the night as is up every 2 hours or so. Think teething may be an issue as he was improving till more teeth made an appearance.
I will also try to put off feeding him at night for as long as poss so cut out the 1am feed and hope he thinks there is no point in waking.
Here's hoping they improve soon. Good luck tonight

Omg, thank goodness I'm not alone!

9mo dd has decided that sleep is for wimps . She used to be so good at dropping off on her own (has never slept through mind but could cope with that). Now, she's turned in to some other child and screams when I put her in the cot.

I think it's her teeth, but even with Nelsons powders, dentinox, calpol & ibruprofen, she still screams.

I'm just wading it out. I don't agree with CC or CIO so all I'm doing is putting her in her cot and singing, stroking her hands, saying "sleepy time now", lying her back down, more screams, putting dummy in, more screams, more lullabies, reading her favourite story, more stroking of hair, repeat x1,000,000

I hope it is a phase

Charlton, have you tried delaying bedtime at all so she can play before the routine rather than after? I've found with my 6 mo DTs that if I play with them just before I want them to go to sleep I then get about 1 hr of crying, me running up and down stairs patting chests etc. whereas if they are already knackered they fall to sleep during/immediately after feed, bliss!