2.5yr old does not want daddy to put him to bed/pick him up...

[PavlovtheCat]

Its probably all tied up somewhere with DH being main carer while I worked every morning and DH had lost his job. DH did his fair share of putting the kids to bed.

Since he has been working, his work is shifted and he often works afternoons/evenings. Alongside this DS has started nursery 2 days a week.

No issues with nursery, or general behaviour that would not be expected from a 2.5yr old with a big sister.

But, he refuses, absolutely refuses to let DH put him to bed. He wants mummy. And he screams and screams and refuses to sleep. Unless, I am out, and then he is ok ish about it. But if he knows I am about, which mostly I am he is not happy. He causes such a fuss it wakes DD up/stops her sleeping and really upsets her/she plays up on it.

Also, if DH and I are both around he will not let daddy pick him up, get him out of the car, put his shoes on, get up with him etc. If when he wakes up in the night, DH cannot comfort him, he just simply refuses and screams.

Its becoming increasingly hard for me to turn anywhere or do anything with either 1) him being in my arms or wanting my attention or 2)him screaming because daddy has him.

Any ideas how to reduce this? DD is quite clingy too actually in that when I do rarely go out, she cries and clings that she does not want me to go as she loves me and misses me, and play up for daddy when I am out and he is putting her to bed. When it is my lie in she comes in and wakes me up when he is not looking, after crying that I have not got up (she is 5.5).

But DS's clinginess is the biggest problem as it is quite suffocating.

Let me give an example. Right now, he is being put in his (new) big boy bed, which was going to be difficult anyway. We agreed that DH should put him to bed in it (second night) as he worked thurs fri sat sun and DS has had chicken pox, so only wanted me all week before that, which we understood.

So, We went in together for stories together, after DS threw a proper tantrum, run out of the bedroom 'i dont want you, i want mummy' straight onto my lap, stopped crying instantly. So we did it together, I then said goodnight and left, DH read him another story, all ok then DH said goodnight and DS got up, ran out of the room, and since then he is absolutely proper tantrumming, he is hyperventilating, saying 'mummy wah mummy, don wan you' over and over and he is kicking, and fighting him.

If I go in, I will probably be able to settle him in about 15 mins or so, but I want to be able to sort his sleeping out so that either of us can do it.

I am so sick of his sleep issues (he has had them in one form or another since he was a baby) dominating my evenings. I spend most evenings, at this time, verging on tears at the negativity, crying over and over and over.

And DH is not doing anything wrong, he is loving and kind and consistent in his approach. And it was not a problem for DH this time last year.

This too will past! We had a nightmare with DD around Xmas when she was 2.4 and I had to be the one who did everything - getting her up in the morning, preparing her meals, helping her get dressed, brushing her hair, getting her into the car, pushing the pushchair etc. It was extreme for about a fortnight & then tailed off. There's still a preference for me to do some things but with others she is just as happy with DP. And if I'm out, she doesn't bat an eyelid & DP will do all of it.

Its incredibly frustrating while it lasts, isn't it? And I felt sorry for DP as he was clearly feeling excluded.

hey, good to know its a phase, but its been going on a few months now, alongside bad sleeping.

He went to sleep last night with the last sentence being 'i dont want you daddy'. and DH settled him in the night, DS actually went to bed in protest eventually, stating 'i don't want you'. DH understands it is not him, but it clearly does upset him.

And I cant do anything as DS wants me all the time. It has taken me almost an hour to post this, and when I cook dinner he is hanging off my leg. Its quite unbearable. The house is trashed, I cannot tidy it with the kids up, I cannot tidy it when they are in bed as i am so tired, and its all getting a bit too much. Anyway, I shall stop moaning, and be grateful that I have healthy children who love their mamma.

Pavlov, both mine went through this phase, and it also lasted months (still resurfaces from time to time). DS used to say, quite aggressively, 'No! Mummy!' whenever DH went to do anything for him. Like you, they were absolutely fine when I was out, but whenever I was there they demanded me all the time. It's exhausting for you and my DH found it very upsetting and felt quite rejected. They would kick up a fuss if I went out, or refuse to go with him if he went anywhere, even if it was somewhere they enjoyed going - they would only go if I went too.

It's really really hard work I know. But it does pass. DS now loves being with his dad and they do a lot of things together on their own. DD is still a bit clingy, but from talking to other parents it sounds like a very normal phase. It is a nightmare, but it sounds like you're both doing the right things to manage it.

missM its good to know its a phase, but hard to know it will last a while longer! Sorry you went through it too.

I am finding, for the first time since having my first child, and then my second, the first time ever, that being a parent is hard right now. I had an MRI scan yesterday, and I was sad it was over so quickly as despite the drumming of the scanner, or, even because of! i actually enjoyed spending some time without being bounced on, just laying still with no demands on me other than not to move in the day time. I only get that at home when I am so exhausted I pass out. I do go to the gym, but that is not relaxing, i enjoy it and enjoy the time it give me, but its not calm and alone, its hard work of its own sort!

Don't get me wrong, I love my children dearly, and am very lucky that this is the first time I have found myself really struggling. Even with DS bad sleeping and some horrendous periods, I coped somehow. Right now I feel like I am not coping quite so well.

Can you just go with it. Give ds that extra attention? Let him help you with cooking, you do bedtime etc. If you can settle him faster, you get more of an evening. Have quick easy dinners - batch cook and freeze for example.
Ds is like this with me because of dd (5 months) - more of my time is taken with her, I carry her a lot etc. I see him watching me - he wants me too.

You mention an MRI scan - are you unwell? Could ds be picking up on that?

Also ds is having dreams now - he talks about the ceiling falling etc and gets upset at night. Could your ds be having similar? They're imaginations take off now (my ds is 2.6). Perhaps give him a teddy to cuddle so he gets some assurance that way.

iggly funny you say about dreams, yes he does now, and they are new. he dreams mostly of thomas the tank engine or fireman sam, but not always good dreams. he dreamt that scary thomas came to get him, and that he climbed a mountain with fireman sam but fell and fireman sam had to save him.

He normally wakes around 5am and comes in with us but lately he is waking more due to teething, chicken pox.

MRI is for lumbar disc prolapse to check if this is what is going on, how bad it is etc, mostly its not an issue but its actually made worse by DS being so insistent on me doing it all, picking him up, putting in car seat, its exactly what I should be avoiding/reducing but can't!

DH and I have talked about going with it, but, well sometimes I want/need a break. Its not like he goes straight to sleep with me, he still plays me up, but with less absolute screeching the place down.

Mostly i do give him that extra attention, as I am always here! I don't really go anywhere apart from the gym and that is normally when he is asleep/when DH is not working, or before work if I can get out of the house without a fight from the children.

Last night he woke at midnight and DH saw to him, screamed. I saw to him at 1:30am and got into his bed with him, he cuddled me happily and went to sleep. I guess this is what I am going to have to do if I want to avoid a fight.

It's finding a balance. I get up in the night whenever one of the kids cries as it was just easier - exactly as you say, they would scream with DH, sleep with me. So for the sake of peace I get up.

During the day though, we did find that being firm helped. So if they screamed 'No! Mummy!' we would say firmly, "mummy and daddy can both do things', or explain why daddy was going to do it this time. The screaming was hideous, but they did get the message eventually. When DS was going through the phase DD would say 'No MasterM, mummys and daddys both do things'. You have to be consistent, but you also have to pick your fights!

Parenting is bloody hard. Sometimes it's fine. Last week, for example, my kids were dreams to be with. But I posted on here a couple of weeks ago in near despair at how tough things were with DD. I guess that's the nature of the beast, and you're finding it a struggle right now. Big hugs!

MissM i guess. But, my sleep is so broken so its fine in theory for me to get up when he wakes, and I get that if its easier, then go with it, but if this is 11/12pm, 1:30am, 4am, 6:30am, such as it has been recently, then i go to work, thats just insane if DH is not working the next day that he can't help with that. He gets to sleep lovely sleep and I go to work hanging.

Well then that is tough, and unfair. Sorry - I didn't realise it was quite as much as that. That is something you've got to crack (I mean that nicely, not in a finger-wagging way). Sleep deprivation is soul-destroying.

I could probably manage the night wakings, if I could get some time to myself in the evenings sometimes, come home, eat dinner, chilled bedtime stories and the hell that is getting him to sleep dh can do sometimes!

Its not always as bad as that, it has been worse, and it has been better. Once we 'cracked' bedtime previously (not sure we did crack it, more that he decided to sleep a bit), he was sleeping around 7:30pm-8am -4/5am, then in with us til around 6am. m. That was great as I would go to bed early some nights. At his worst, well I dont want to remember those times!

He has had a lot going on over the last couple of months, teething mostly, bug, now chicken pox, which have chucked his sleep patterns outbut, if DH and I could share the burden, which DH is happy to do (he works til around 11:30pm and goes to bed around 1am on those nights so he is up anyway on some of the night wakes) then it would be so much easier to 'wait it out' but with me doing it all as DS refuses daddy's involvement with anything bedtime related its all down to me during this tough period.

But, its the whole 'i want mummy' thing that is hard. I could probably even do the nights as they are know, if I could take a pee without him tugging on my trousers!