Advice needed - 8yr old DD acting out at school, horrible to sibling etc

[littlebellsmum]

My formerly angelic DD is becoming a nightmare and I don't know what to do to help .
Basically got asked into school last term to see teachers as she was unhappy at school. Turns out that she showed how unhappy she was by hurting other children and behaving really badly, which at the time seemed really out of character.
Seemed she wanted more time with me and so, we arranged more 1 to 1 time to talk about how she was feeling, behaving etc. Things started to get better and she seemed much happier - she also became really friendly with one of the girls in her class.
Fast forward 2 months and she again seems really unhappy. She is being really, really horrible to her brother (7) and has had a fight with "her worst enemy" today, as this girl did something that she didn't like but actually had nothing to do with her.

I know that the 1 to 1 time had dropped off, at her request as she wanted to do other things and so, I'll start that again but other than that I don't know what to do? She doesn't seem to listen to a word we say and whilst she cares that she has no friends ( her description), she doesn't want to do anything to change it. We had a long chat tonight about what she can and can't control but I'd have had more joy talking to the guinea pigs.

Has anyone got any ideas of what to do - I could go back to the school but they really weren't that much help last time?

Maybe you could still do the 1 to 1 time together, but without the conversations about her behaviour and feelings, instead just do something fun together? Go swimming, to the park, to a cafe, play a game? She could just want/need uncomplicated time with you when she can just be herself and feel good about herself and feel unconditionally loved, if that makes any sense.

I have a 9yo DD (she is diagnosed with ADHD though, so the situation is different) who at times struggles with friendships and life and can be horrible to her younger brother (who is almost 8). When she was diagnosed, one of the therapists told me to spend time regularly alone with her, and let her chose how she wanted us to spend it. This works well with us, and seems to calm her down and ground her a bit when she is getting manic. Once a week a friend takes DS to a sports club, so we have time alone then. She normally choses things like: dancing in the sitting room, going on the trampoline together, cooking, going for hot chocolate and coffee at the local cafe, going swimming or just drawing. I try to keep this serious conversations about her problems separate from this time spent together, even though inevitably sometimes things come up.

Hope this helps! Good luck.

Thanks - we do try and go out for coffee and cake ast weekends when we get the chance ( i have coffee, she has the cake!) and we also keep the conversation onto nice things. Our normal 1 to 1 time is when she helps me make tea and we talk about our days, which is great on the days I'm home from work to do it.
Oh and a good excuse to buy a trampoline . Thanks for the response - sometimes it just helps knowing that others have been through it and that, like everuthing else with kids, it too is just a phase!