How do I get my almost 5yo DD1 to listen at school

[Noomininoo]

My DD1 will be 5 next month & is really struggling with her listening skills at the moment.

In other ways she is a lovely, kind, generous little girl but she just doesn't listen to a word anyone says & is wilfully disobedient . This has become a particular problem in school as her teacher has expressed concerns about her behaviour. Academically she is doing fine & meeting/exceeding all her targets but she just won't listen to the teacher .

We've started a home-school book which DD1 takes into school each day so that teacher can write a little note to say how she's been that day and we've also got a system whereby she either brings home a smiley or a sad face depending on how she's behaved. At the moment we're getting about 50% sad faces, 50% smiley but would really like that to be 100% smiley.

At the moment, if she brings home a sad face then gets a talking to & doesn't get any pudding after dinner but that doesn't seem to be improving things at all. I'm also reading 'How to Talk so that Kids will Listen' but to be honest, I'm not having a great deal of success with those techniques either (although that's partially my fault as I find that way of interacting with kids quite alien & difficult to do consistently). Also, whilst I can persevere with those techniques at home, I'm at a bit of a loss as to how to get her to listen in school when I'm not there.

Can anybody recommend any techniques to use? How should I deal with bad behaviour at school when she gets home? Should I impose a greater punishment for coming home with a sad face?

How can I get my DD to listen...!?

Can you focus on the positives? Praise her when she listens well?

I would also try to find ways to talk to her about her day without turning it into an interrogation (when she might just clam up). How was she feeling today? What went well and not so well at school? Some children respond well to role-play with toys acting out situations.

Children are all different and some take longer than others to develop their attention span. What does the teacher suggest for helping her learn to concentrate and listen? she won't be the first child to behave this way.

Giving a 5 year old a stern talking to for something that happened much earlier in the day and that the teacher has already dealt with doesn't seem that sensible to me, sorry. At 5 years old she may well not remember or make the connection between one and the other. I also disagree with using food as either incentive or punishment. Society has enough issues with food, without using it in this way with children.

When I say she gets a talking to I don't mean a rollocking, more of a "What happened?", "Mummy is disappointed you didn't listen", "It's important to listen to teacher" etc... Take your point about the food though (taking toys away didn't seem to be having much of an impact so I just wanted to take something away that she would genuinely care about )

As for her teacher, she's only 3 years out of university so hasn't got a great deal of experience behind her. At the moment she's counting to 3 & then, if DD1 still doesn't listen she gets time out on the red mat.

oooh, she's so young and probably bored so I would go easy on it, tbh.

I don't think the pudding strategy is much good, as I think that school should be responsible for what happens there, unless its a gross misdemeanor, and home should be a place of comfort and solace after an afternoon on the red mat.

What I would surely do though is get her hearing tested at your local community audiometry unit..your GP's practice can give you the number and in most places you can self refer.

Its amazing how often things like glue ear are underdiagnosed in small children speaks as mum who 'missed' moderate hearing loss in DD at same age

I would not punish by not letting her have pudding as this is likely to foster an unhealthy attitude to food in later life.

It seems that the focus is too much on what she has done wrong. What about letting go off sad faces and only focus on happy faces. So, happy face or nothing. If she has five happy faces she can have a little present (not food) or especially nice activity. When she gets better at it, she needs to have five happy faces in a row. Slowly built it up but stick to what you have told her. So, if you said she needs five happy faces, then four does not earn her anything. Consistency is key and let teacher know that this is what you are doing. Also make her feel proud that she has earned a happy face, lots of praise. Play listening games at home, if she interrupts other family members use a 'talking stick' (only person with talking stick can talk).

Thanks for your replies.

timetosmile DD1 does actually have moderate hearing loss due to glue ear & has been wearing a hearing aid since Christmas. Unfortunately, this doesn't seem to have improved matters . It's more like she's being wilfully defiant & pushing her boundaries. I know this is normal at this age but a lot of other parents I've spoken to have said that although their DC are similar at home they are little angels at school (according to teacher).

I think I could probably deal with it if it was just at home but its the fact that she's also doing it at school which is worrying me as I feel a bit helpless as to what to do about that. I just worry that she's making a bad reputation for herself at school & will be branded a 'problem child' at such an early age when she's really (apart from the listening thing) a lovely little girl .

when was her hearing last checked? it might be a bit down on normal, interfering with her being able to access learning hence being a bit bored IYSWIM

I agree that you punishing when teacher has punished hours earlier might be bewildering for DD.

Do you have a partner/DH? You must be absolutely sure that you are both singing the same song, do a bit of analysis to make sure that one isn't inadvertently undermining the other parent

good luck

def get her hearing checked again..I think that's the ability to pay attention rather than can't be bothered may be the larger part of the problem.

And how does she feel about the hearing aid? Is she self conscious about it?

Also if her teacher is young and a little inexperienced, is she making allowances for the hearing loss - making sure DD is seated at the front, facing her when speaking etc?

Is there an older TA in the class you could speak with as well?

And she won't be branded a 'problem child' thats a label saved for the biters and meanies!