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Original poster

Help very much needed with DS, 2.8

8 replies

sleepingsatellite · 09/05/2012 19:16

Am at a complete loss with how to proceed from here with DS. He has always been a bit 'tricky', never one for cuddles or kisses etc, knows his own mind and very independent (when he chooses!).
Since he turned 2.6, he started with the proper tantrums, now at 2.8 he is just completely defiant and says no to everything he is asked (unless it happens to suit him at the time).
I have never let him 'get away' with something, for e.g I have a rule that if he throws things on the floor deliberately, he has to pick them up, so there are consequences for his actions, (obviously if he does something well then there are nice consequences!).
Things we do daily are a complete battle, getting dressed, undressed,he can take all his clothes off and put on his tops, but wont, having breakfast, leaving house, having bath, teeth etc etc. He does not seem to care if things are taken off him, just says 'I dont want it anyway'!
It is not helping that I am 36 weeks and practically housebound with PGP, this has only kicked in badly in the last fortnight so I dont think its a trigger. I cannot get on the floor to play, but make sure I chat to him from the sofa etc so am involved that way, although not the same I know. I dont know what to do to help him when in his eyes I cannot do anything right, even down to where I sit, what colour paint I choose or what toy I pick up.
Am in tears every day with him, and am ashamed to say sometimes I dread getting up in the mornings as I know what is going to happen, I just want to enjoy my little boy as I know he can be wonderful.
Any advice greatly appreciated, or even a 'have been there, it will pass' would be great!

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
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SuzySheepSmellsNice · 09/05/2012 22:27

I read your post and felt sad nobody had replied... So hug he will grow of it, you will feel better and this won't be forever... Can anyone else offer something more practical?

fannybaws · 09/05/2012 23:21

Hi op it sounds like it has become a battle of wills, it's ok to let him win sometimes.
He is not a little machine that needs to be programmed correctly, he sounds like he is copying you and you are both stuck in a negative rut.
If I were you I would stop sweating the small stuff and inject humour wherever you can.
If he needs to get dressed and he wants you to help, do it and make it fun.
Flirt and divert, if he does something negative, minimise it and move on to the next thing.
Lots of cuddles and laughter, try a smiley face chart and see how he responds.
Good luck, btw I had one like this too, he is now 3 and much easier.

Original poster
sleepingsatellite · 10/05/2012 09:18

Thanks both, it is a battle of wills and he is definately winning! Am not the sort of parent I thought I would be and my sense of humour has failed big time.
I know he is not a machine to be programmed despite how I sound in my post.
Will try the smiley face chart, maybe for myself first! If mummy gets through the getting dressed battle with a smile on her face she gets a sticker!
Right, new day...4 weeks to get back into chilled mummy mode before baby arrives!
Thanks again.

OP posts:
CarpeJugulum · 10/05/2012 09:21

Recommend book called Playful Parenting - DS is only 19mo but it's making my life easier.

Hope it gets better, and good luck with the new one when he/she arrives.

Lovemychocolate · 10/05/2012 10:19

We had similar issues. At the time I was pg and suffering hyperemesis so I was in and out of hospital. A few things helped.... Picking your battles, taking toys off him and putting on wardrobe .... Although several days we ran out of space up there but what helped most of all was using rewards in his case grandparent visits/ train into town etc.

Really feel for you as it sucks especially when you feel awful so sending you a big hug. Also could your oh be the bad guy and discipline him. My little boy is very competitive with daddy and so we would say bet daddy can get dressed first/ if you don't eat your pasta daddy will etc. not ideal I suppose but seemed to help.

Have to say touch wood my little one is much better now and actually really helpful with new baby.... He is a big boy you see ;) my mum said its a phase and it will pass, at the time I didn't believe her but she was right. It just seems never ending at the time

Lovemychocolate · 10/05/2012 11:16

We had similar issues. At the time I was pg and suffering hyperemesis so I was in and out of hospital. A few things helped.... Picking your battles, taking toys off him and putting on wardrobe .... Although several days we ran out of space up there but what helped most of all was using rewards in his case grandparent visits/ train into town etc.

Really feel for you as it sucks especially when you feel awful so sending you a big hug. Also could your oh be the bad guy and discipline him. My little boy is very competitive with daddy and so we would say bet daddy can get dressed first/ if you don't eat your pasta daddy will etc. not ideal I suppose but seemed to help.

Have to say touch wood my little one is much better now and actually really helpful with new baby.... He is a big boy you see ;) my mum said its a phase and it will pass, at the time I didn't believe her but she was right. It just seems never ending at the time

Happylander · 10/05/2012 20:19

Mine was like that and I know that feeling of dread and just feeling as if every single day was a constant battle. DS is now a delight and lots of fun. Youa re doing fine and he will grow out of it.

goldenbird · 13/05/2012 19:32

Just to reassure you, really - I had my DD (now 3m) when my DS was the same age as yours and it all sounds very familiar! I think they really can pick up on the change which is about to happen, and especially it must be weird for him if you can't get down and play (etc) - I was the same, btw - he is only little and may be anxious about what is happening. You are knackered, obviously, and that doesn't help. All I can say is that my boy is hugely different now - we make a big deal of involving him with the baby and now he feels like he understands his place in the family again. We have left the tantrums behind, on the whole, by making him feel like the important big brother!

Some practical suggestions: have you been talking to him and reading stories about the new baby, and how exciting it is to be the big brother? This helped us to help him understand what was going on. And also, as someone else suggested, picking off one issue at a time. The tooth-brushing sticker chart (10 seconds of M or D brushing to qualify) took about 3 months to kick in but this is now a breeze. And thirdly, I'm afraid bribery is extremely effective - surprising what the offer of a biscuit or chocolate will do!

And finally, when the new little one came along, my DS continued to play up until I made a point of having some quality Mummy time with him every day, just the two of us. Things are much easier now.

(Just have to crack the chronic sleep problems of the younger one now!!!)

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